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I remember my response several years ago when some people I was at a craft fair with (I was selling Tupperware at the time) asked me if I wanted to scrapbook with them. My words were "Ugh! No way! I dont have time for that crap!" Now about 6 years later, I am hooked on scrapbooking, cardmaking and all papercrafty things. What changed my mind? 1) Me being open to giving something a try when I was in the need for friendship with others and 2) Them being kind and patient and inviting me to come and sit down with them and give it a try.
As someone else stated....we all have our "things" we chose to do with our free time. Next time this remark gets said, you can chose to tell the person that. "Hey, we all have the same hours in the day! So what does it mean to you if I chose to spend my down time or free time creating something vs watching tv or on the computer or just sitting around and bey-otching like some other people do?" I have said that to my mom (who spends about 12 hours a day watching tv!) and she pretty much shut her mouth and is much more supportive. Everybody has their "thing" and maybe someday she will discover hers...and it may even be papercrafting!
That reminds of what my sis said while opening exchanged Christmas gifts "What's this for? I don't drink martini's?" It just burst out of her mouth and she felt so bad after making that statment but you can't take it back once it is said. Besides, she found many other uses for the martini glasses and serves desserts in them often!
Yea, I would have been hurt if any of my family made statments like that, but I have many wonderful SIL's (my sis is too)! My sis keeps all my cards when I send them, in fact I have to get one ready for her now.
I would most definately be hurt! When I started taking this hobby seriously, I decided anyone that was getting a card from me, it was going to be homemade because that is what I love to do. If they don't like it, too bad, I'm not taking the time to walk into a dollar store!
(((((HUGS)))))
Everyone has given you good advice. They're all too nice. I can be a mean spirited person as well when I feel someone has been mean to me. I probably would buy a dollar store card and write on the back of it something like "Dollar Store - because you deserve it" or "Dollar Store - because you didn't appreciate the time and love I put into the handmade ones". I was friends with one person and at the time, my thing was knitting, so for her birthday I made a nice sweater. It took me a few weeks to make it. When she opened up the gift, everyone commented on how nice it was and what a thoughtful gift it was. Her comment was "I couldn't be bothered to do that sort of thing". I was so hurt. It made me feel like she didn't value our friendship as much as I did, and obviously she didn't because someone who values you wouldn't say hurtful things like that. I honestly don't even remember her wearing it not even once. Needless to say, I never did make her another hand knit item. Our friendship really cooled off after that. The following year, I gave her a little knickknack and she commented that it wasn't a hand knit item. I just said "oh I can't be bothered anymore". She knew exactly what I meant, and I meant it about her. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore and I haven't spoken to her in almost 20 years.
My husband told me to only send to ones that would appreciate it.
Because he said they probably think I'm trying to save money, if they
only knew how how expensive it is, the card probably cost me $500.00 to send
to them.
I don't see the 2couldn't compete with what you do" as the SIL feeling she has to do better. I read that as she feels she would be inadequate in comparison, and almost as in inverse compliment. But not knowing her, maybe I am reading that wrong. If she said that, I'd be prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt, though. It says that the OP's work is great .
I give my handmade items (cards, little boxes, tote bags, scarves, socks, etc.) to people I know will enjoy/appreciate them. I have been told by some that they keep them in a box/china cabinet and show them to their friends.
One friend used one of the all occasion cards I gave her when writing to her friend. This friend removed the insert, replaced it with a clean one and wrote back. I think this card has logged a few hundred miles by now.
The day after Thanksgiving I invited some of my family & a few friends over because my daughter & her husband were in town. My paper crafting space is my formal dining room. (I hosted many dinners for over 38+ yrs and have past the serving spoon to the next generation.) I heard my sister tell her daughter, 'This is where the magic happens!' She says that they tell her grandaughter to open anything from Auntie carefully. (I made sour cream bats for Halloween and everyone is saving them-unopened - there is candy inside. Hope no ants come into the house.)
I like the response about making better use of the your time. If your SIL made her rude comment in front of everyone, you could have respodned in kind - in front of everyone. There may have been a period of silence at the dinner table but this SIL would mind her manners from then on. People who 'walk on people' to make themselves appear 'better' are pathetic.
Keep doing what you are doing but just use store bought cards/gifts for those you know won't appreciate your time when you make something personal for them.
I totally agree with the better time management comments. And I would hope her invitation to your house doesn't get lost so she can see you in action and see that you are a fabulous multitasker with lots of talent to put a cherry on top.
BTW HUGS and for your own sanity and health forget her comment
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lites
My husband told me to only send to ones that would appreciate it.
Because he said they probably think I'm trying to save money, if they
only knew how how expensive it is, the card probably cost me $500.00 to send
to them.
And don't forget the extra postage you then have to pay for because it was to embellished up and had to be hand canceled:-)
I have a friend who is fond of starting sentences with "It must be nice..." and I used to get mad too. Now I look at her and say "You know, it really is." Stops her every time.
I had a similar experience when I made 42 fall pins for my staff. One of the teachers (single, with no kids) said, "Wow, I wish I had that kind of time." I just smiled and said, "I don't have it, I make it because you're important to me." She doesn't get it, plain and simple.
Your SIL doesn't get it. Saying something mean will not help her get it. The only thing you can do is bring a project for them to make after a holiday dinner some time. Then maybe she'll see the joy of looking at something you worked hard on and feeling proud of herself. Bottom line, you do it for you. You do it for the joy and exhilaration of creating! Yep, you are lucky!
p.s. Oh, AND give her a store bought card the next time.
I haven't read all of the comments, so I don't know if this has been mentioned, but although some cards may take a long time to make, most of my cards take less time than it would to get in the car, drive to the store, choose a card, and drive home. I'm grateful that as far as I know, those who receive my cards are happy to receive them and appreciate the personal touch.
My brother said something like this to me, about me having too much time on my hands, and today a friend asked me if it wouldn't be easier just to buy Christmas cards. I said of course it would, but that is just not who I am. Like others have said, some people just don't get it.
We all react differently to rude people. Inside I am steaming and want to be as rude as they have been to me. Then, I remember, "You can think what you want but don't have to say it", My in laws do not appreciate all my work. I make Christmas cards, only. No other handmade gifts. My MIL gave away a set of cards I made for her. I like the quips that others used as come backs. I just smile and walk away. They are not worth my energy!
After hearing this comment made a couple of times I really started to question why I do this because it really is hurtful, and, after a lot of thought, I've decided that my choice to do these things is a use of a talent that I have that would be wrong not to share. I just make better choices as to whom I share it with. There is a quote - "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." I have that hanging in my kitchen.
Some people just don't know the meaning of giving, especially if it is of your time or your talent. And there are some people who definitely don't know how to be thankful when they are the recipient of any kind of kindness. I've learned to stop sharing with them and consider it their loss.
how sad when things like this happen.i do crochet ,tatting, and papercrafting and used to make all the ornaments on my tree.as an extra gift to all the sister in laws on both sides i would let them pick 5 ornaments off the tree each year.then i had a comment made that hurt and i havent done it again for any of them.the last thing i made was wine glass candle shades with parchment crafts with butterflys cut partially out.it was a very delicate design and all of them took a few weeks to complete.we put love and part of ourselves into these type things and it does hurt when they make rude comments.
br3n
I made Thanksgiving cards and sent them out to family and friends. They took a little time with punched turkeys and pumpkins and embossing and turned out really nice. We had a late Thanksgiving family dinner this weekend and one of my SIL's says, someone in this family has way to much time on their hands. I wish all I had to do was play with paper all day and she looks at me. I said, I guess some of us are just lucky, please pass the gravy. My first thought to myself, that's the last Thanksgiving card she gets and my second she gets a store bought Xmas card if any at all. Maybe her invitation to the family Xmas party at my house will some how get lost in the mail. I'm still alittle stuned by the remark.
There have been a few people that have said that to me and that was definitely the last card they ever received from me!
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First, when people say mean things they are jealous and have to bring you down so they can lift themselves up. And yes, that never works.
My sister has been using the "Is that what you meant to say?" comment for about 10 years now. It works great b/c she says it with a sense of comedy and facetiousness. She taught school and used it all the time with those teachers who got out of control with their meanness to people who they deemed not relevant to 'real' curriculum.
Well, some of you are SO much nicer than I am. When people are downright rude to me - and there is no doubt in my mind that this woman was rude - I call them on it. I would (as calmly as I could) say something like this: "That's a pretty rude thing to say to someone who opened her home and cooked for you on Thanksgiving. I MAKE the time to do things for people I care about." THEN, she wouldn't even get a store-bought card from me. I would also expect my husband (I'm guessing it was his sister) to stick up for me as well. Then, and only then, would I be able to let it go and move on. As one of my favorite TV characters would say, "Some people ain't got not home trainin'."
If someone told me , I'd be both a little hurt and a little sad--and really tempted to say something like
'Well I guess these adorable tokens of affection for the wonderful people I'm blessed to call family took *some* time to make. . . . but that was nothing compared to the time it took to make a giant 'U Suck' card that I would *never* actually send to anyone no matter how much they seemed to deserve it (because one never knows for sure whether someone else's asocial behavior isn't an unfortunate result of being dropped on their head as a baby or having been raised by wolves or wearing their panties too tight).
But it was totally worth every minute spent creating that jumbo card, cause just writing their name on it lets me laugh off pointless rudeness, and once I start laughing, I remember all those wonderful people who are such a blessing to me. Which, as Mastercard says, is priceless.
Oh say, do any of you wonderful people have a pencil?'
In reality, I'm not sure I could ever actually write someone's name in a secret 'U suck' card--maybe they *were* raised by wolves.
But writing their name on a post-it note pad and putting that reeeeeeally close to the card. . . . then you could say to yourself 'Don't make me put you in the card. . . .'
Fortunately, my SIL is one of those who loves my cards. When we go visit them every year, I take oodles of my cards for her to choose which ones she wants. This time she took 15!!!!
So, try to forget the rude, throughtless, crude comment, though I know it's hard to do.
Wanda
Iam lucky too...my SIL and my Mom both also make cards so they are appreciated. My inlaws were always nice about them too,wether they thought it was a waste of time or not, they never said anything negative.
If someone told me , I'd be both a little hurt and a little sad--and really tempted to say something like
'Well I guess these adorable tokens of affection for the wonderful people I'm blessed to call family took *some* time to make. . . . but that was nothing compared to the time it took to make a giant 'U Suck' card that I would *never* actually send to anyone no matter how much they seemed to deserve it (because one never knows for sure whether someone else's asocial behavior isn't an unfortunate result of being dropped on their head as a baby or having been raised by wolves or wearing their panties too tight).
But it was totally worth every minute spent creating that jumbo card, cause just writing their name on it lets me laugh off pointless rudeness, and once I start laughing, I remember all those wonderful people who are such a blessing to me. Which, as Mastercard says, is priceless.
Oh say, do any of you wonderful people have a pencil?'
In reality, I'm not sure I could ever actually write someone's name in a secret 'U suck' card--maybe they *were* raised by wolves.
But writing their name on a post-it note pad and putting that reeeeeeally close to the card. . . . then you could say to yourself 'Don't make me put you in the card. . . .'
Hang in there, OP!
LMAO!!
I bet making a giant U Suck card would make you feel a whole lot better!! Even if you threw it away when you finished it would still help! Thanks for the laugh!!
I agree with many of the comments in this thread. I also wonder if the person who made the comment meant it to be mean or rude? I would doubt they did.
I create greeting cards because I enjoy the process of creating them and giving them to the people I do. I can't control what they do with them or how they feel about receiving them.
I've been given the comment to the effect .....you must have a lot of time to spare or not much of a life. Sometimes I've said to people that I need to get a life. Most of my cards are very detailed with many tiny pieces to them along with the stamping, die cutting and embossing. Yes, I do have the time and enjoy that I do. Sometimes it is my life.
I send my cards to anyone I would send a card to for what ever reason. I WILL NOT purchase a store bought card.....it's not worth my effort!
In the case of the situation in Post 1 I would certainly continue to create and send cards to them. Why????.....because I enjoy creating cards for people. That doesn't have to mean I particularly like that person I am sending to.
I have other things to do also, but I do take the time to create my cards.
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Hmmm, I would give her a used, store bought, get well card. Just cross off "get well" and pencil in Happy Holidays. You can tell her you didn't have time to make her a pretty one.
(Not really, but don't you just want to sometimes)
Well, some of you are SO much nicer than I am. When people are downright rude to me - and there is no doubt in my mind that this woman was rude - I call them on it. I would (as calmly as I could) say something like this: "That's a pretty rude thing to say to someone who opened her home and cooked for you on Thanksgiving. I MAKE the time to do things for people I care about." THEN, she wouldn't even get a store-bought card from me. I would also expect my husband (I'm guessing it was his sister) to stick up for me as well. Then, and only then, would I be able to let it go and move on. As one of my favorite TV characters would say, "Some people ain't got not home trainin'."
I made Thanksgiving cards and sent them out to family and friends. They took a little time with punched turkeys and pumpkins and embossing and turned out really nice. We had a late Thanksgiving family dinner this weekend and one of my SIL's says, someone in this family has way to much time on their hands. I wish all I had to do was play with paper all day and she looks at me. I said, I guess some of us are just lucky, please pass the gravy. My first thought to myself, that's the last Thanksgiving card she gets and my second she gets a store bought Xmas card if any at all. Maybe her invitation to the family Xmas party at my house will some how get lost in the mail. I'm still alittle stuned by the remark.
How come you did not pour that gravy over her head?
Some folks are just poops.
Save it all for the peeps who appreciate hand-made love. ;)
__________________ Julie Ebersole (JulieHRR once upon a time . . . )julieebersole.com"So shines a good deed in a weary world." -Willy Wonka
Well, some of you are SO much nicer than I am. When people are downright rude to me - and there is no doubt in my mind that this woman was rude - I call them on it. I would (as calmly as I could) say something like this: "That's a pretty rude thing to say to someone who opened her home and cooked for you on Thanksgiving. I MAKE the time to do things for people I care about." THEN, she wouldn't even get a store-bought card from me. I would also expect my husband (I'm guessing it was his sister) to stick up for me as well. Then, and only then, would I be able to let it go and move on. As one of my favorite TV characters would say, "Some people ain't got not home trainin'."
Sounds like something one of my SILs would say, too. Needless to say, I don't send any homemade cards or projects that direction! I realize that we are all passionate about our craft but we do have to realize that not everyone sees value in the same things. Yes, they could be more tactful about it, but everyone is not tactful. Just do what I do, which is to stop giving things that aren't appreciated to people that can't appreciate them. Save your heartfelt creations for those with a heart.
agree 100 %
not all my family members get homemade stuff anymore, I just send to those that I know appreciate it.
In situations like this, I try to remember one of my favorite quotes, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Then I go over the scene in my mind and make a conscious decision to forgive the person. Not for them, but for me. When someone tells me I must have a lot of time on my hands and that they don't have time to do something like this, I reply that everyone can make time to do something they love.
__________________ Linda E
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Well isn't she a ray of sunshine! I would definitely be upset by that comment. How ungrateful. She should have said thank you for taking the time to make me a card. That would be the last card, handmade or store bought, she ever got from me. What a b#tch.
How incredibly rude and classless. Sorry you had to go through that. I might not have been so silent, but you showed yourself to be a much bigger person.
This makes me feel very grateful to have well mannered in-laws. Even if they did not like something, they would not dream of saying anything. Nor would it go unoticed by others if they did.
In situations like this, I try to remember one of my favorite quotes, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Then I go over the scene in my mind and make a conscious decision to forgive the person. Not for them, but for me.
What an awesome way of looking at things! I need to be more like this!
P.S. To the OP, this SIL would now be getting a "store-bought" card, and probably NOT Hallmark!
Last edited by Bellegirl; 11-29-2010 at 03:03 PM..
Update: Guess who just called me, you got it, the SIL asking info about Xmas. She shays what ya doing? I told her playing with my paper and glue and loving it. I said why don't you come over and give it a try, you might like it. She says no, I could never compete with what you make. I told her, it's not a competition, it's fun and relaxing and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Still she says no. I think after the first of the year when I don't have so much to get done for Xmas it will be my mission to get her over here and get her stamping. I know I can win her over once I crack the ice.
I like your attitude and I think you are right. Its so easy to try to come back with a quip. Its much better for our creative spirit to share, keep asking her even if you have to show her "the first" or "the ones that go no further than our desks" cards.;) I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt maybe she needs it for reasons unknown.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pjw2855
I agree with many of the comments in this thread. I also wonder if the person who made the comment meant it to be mean or rude? I would doubt they did.
I create greeting cards because I enjoy the process of creating them and giving them to the people I do. I can't control what they do with them or how they feel about receiving them.
I've been given the comment to the effect .....you must have a lot of time to spare or not much of a life. Sometimes I've said to people that I need to get a life. Most of my cards are very detailed with many tiny pieces to them along with the stamping, die cutting and embossing. Yes, I do have the time and enjoy that I do. Sometimes it is my life.
I send my cards to anyone I would send a card to for what ever reason. I WILL NOT purchase a store bought card.....it's not worth my effort!
In the case of the situation in Post 1 I would certainly continue to create and send cards to them. Why????.....because I enjoy creating cards for people. That doesn't have to mean I particularly like that person I am sending to.
I have other things to do also, but I do take the time to create my cards.
Patti
I don't buy cards either - to me that is "giving in" to others - I take time and create cards for others because that is me and what I love to do and I won't let another person's reaction to my "love" alter what I need to do to be myself and happy with myself. (I am very blessed however, to have family and family in law that have had creative hobbies or have an appreciation of them).
BTW back to the OP - sometimes these things are backhanded compliments that people think it would taken them forever to do a card (and yeah some do) and can't genuinely see how we are able to do. I know last year I put a recipe on the back of my Christmas cards about how the fronts were handcut gingerbread men etc. and the time to mix the ingredients and cook! :mrgreen:
MY next card to her would've been a piece of construction paper from my kids stash with a sticker on it, lol! A dollar is too much to spend on that kind of person.
Well, that's what I would like to do in a situation like that, but probably wouldn't...
I love that line... "is that really what you meant to say" .... love it
there are times i say things (not AS rude as what the OP reported , i hope).... i think i will use that line for my own self.... "that is not really what i meant to say".....
sorry to the OP for the hurtful comment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by buggainok
I'm sorry for that unpleasant remark by your SIL, and I understand about hurt feelings. I'm a grandma now, and I've had my feelings walked on many times through the years. It helps me the most in situations like this to tell myself, "They" don't have the right to determine how I'm going to feel. I am the one in charge of my feelings."
Someone here on the board posted a good response to people who say such thoughtless, unkind things. She said to smile at them and say sweetly, "Is that really what you meant to say?" You will get probably get quite a look, and not much of a comeback.
