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What do you do when you give someone a card that you've made and they just toss it aside like a generic storebought greeting?
It happened to me recently and I must admit I felt sort of depressed. I made a fabulous card (a friend saw me making it and thought it was the best card I'd ever done) for another friend's daughter's 3rd birthday. Obviously at that age the cards are more for the parent than the child, right? She let her daughter open it, and the daughter proceeded to rip it and pick it apart (literally), and my friend never tried to stop her. Should I have tried instead? I thought she'd appreciate it as she likes to save keepsakes for her children's photo albums (she doesn't scrapbook, and I was considering making her a custom kit to get her started as a moving gift, but after this experience I've thought twice!)
Am I crazy??
Sorry to hear about this experience. She may have wanted to save it; but was not paying close enough attention before her little ripped it apart. I know kid's parties can be pretty chaotic!!!
__________________ Donna Love my puppies! Thor 5 years; Maddee 5 years
I understand how you feel, and I would be upset too, but we have to remember that once we give our babies away, they aren't ours anymore. (I have a VERY hard time with this.) The card was for the birthday girl and if she wanted to dismantle it, then that was her choice. It was unfortunate, it had to happen in front of you though. I hope you scanned it or took a pic before you sent it on it's way.
I wouldn't give the mother a custom SBing kit after that experience either.
For kids parties I usually make a simple card unless I know it will be appreciated. I have had some parents tell me they put the card I made in a scrapbook-that always makes me feel happy!
__________________ I want people to be afraid of how much they love me-M. Scott
It wasn't really a party, she had just invited us and one other friend over. And her other child was napping. Her daughter was sitting right next to her on the couch as she did it, so I was a little taken aback.
Such a bummer to think how many cards I make probably end up in the trash.
Even if it was a store bought card, it would have been rude for the motehr to let the daughter rip it up IMO.
I don't know what you do in that situation, but I think you're right in being upset about it. That wasn't nice, of the mother. You can't blame a 3 yr old. But the mom should not have let her do that.
I know my mom keeps all my cards in an album. I suppose the rest get tossed at some point. It makes me happy to make them and send them. After that there's not much you can do about how the person recieves it and treats it, ya know?
That is awful, and I know what you mean I have been through this also. It is really hard when we spend a lot of time on something and its not appreacted the way we think it should be. I have learned that there are such certain people that I shouldn't bother to make something for and have just gotten to where they get store bought. Then of course I have the ones that I go all out for because I know how much they will appriecate it.
I make cards for friends because I like to make cards...and I hope that the card will bring them some good cheer. I know they enjoy the cards because they always let me know when they get it.
I don't ever worry about what they do with the card afterwards. It's their card.
Sorry, though, that you had to witness your card being destroyed!
Maybe I'm just difficult, however no matter if it was a store bought card or not... I have little to no tolerance for parents allowing their children to be rude and ungrateful.
That is a awful story and I feel bad for you. I also have a very hard time parting with my cards especially now that I make all of them that I give away. I try to not think of what will happen to the cards when I send them out .. I do however pick and choose who I am going to give them too and who I think will appreciate them.
This is why kids do not get cards from me. They get gift tags. Now that I have the tag punch, gift tags will be even easier!
Come to think of it, there are many adults who do not get cards from me, either. I completely understand someone not cherishing a card the way you want them to. Those of us who are not card people or crafters will not appreciate our cards enough to make it worth our time and energy. Want to hear a confession? I'm not really much of a card person, either. But I am incredibly crafty, so I make cards. To me, it is more the art of it than the wonderful sentiment. Does that make sense? I show I care by spending the time on the card and then have no idea what to write on the inside. So I hope it's not the thought that counts as much as the fact that I thought enough of you to craft something special.
My family thinks that crafts are CRAP!
And that I'm an idiot for being involved in any type of home business
but I've resigned myself to their obviously misguided view and they only get some of the endless supply of cards from my 2 y-o DS, and I rejoice in the company of my stamping friends.
but
the closest bad thing, lately, for me, was coming home from a craft fair with all my cute stuff, and then AGAIN, a second time, from a second craft fair last saturday.
:(
My husband is choked and really resentful
I am bummed, for the cost of 2 tables at each, I could have gone to the spa
...
TWICE !
and I'm certain that by the end of the day every girl there would have been stamping!
I couldn't possibly have a day of relaxation without gushing on about my favorite pass-time could I?
It's totally not me or my stuff.
( I wish I could figure out uploading to prove it!)
The fairs were both really under-attended(dead!)... the first truly chilly day was the first day... and sooooo foggy!
Then, this past weekend had at least 2 huge craftfair destinations in-town and for once, Edmonton has NO SNOW!
so no one is thinkin' christmas!
anyway, I think you'll get over this
'don't throw your pearls before swine' comes to mind when it happens to me.
it may be sour grapes, but it helps me!
love ya!
charming
love.
__________________ if your path is boobytrapped you are probably on the right track to treasure BUT if everything is inordinately hard you probably are rushing to the final exam in the wrong place a day early.
I agree that it's the thought that counts...the thought that I took the time to make someone a card.
When I started making my own cards I contemplated taking a photo of each one to keep on the computer, but I decided instead that I'd just let them go, and that way everyone I give a card to gets an original creation. I can always think up new ideas.
And for children's gifts I too simply make a quick neat tag. I was just shocked at my friend's disinterest in the card, as she has in the past hand-painted crafty gifts for my children, I thought she'd be the type to appreciate it. I guess you never can tell! Maybe she didn't even realize it was hand-made, or am I flattering myself ;-)
What do you do when you give someone a card that you've made and they just toss it aside like a generic storebought greeting?
It happened to me recently and I must admit I felt sort of depressed. I made a fabulous card (a friend saw me making it and thought it was the best card I'd ever done) for another friend's daughter's 3rd birthday. Obviously at that age the cards are more for the parent than the child, right? She let her daughter open it, and the daughter proceeded to rip it and pick it apart (literally), and my friend never tried to stop her. Should I have tried instead? I thought she'd appreciate it as she likes to save keepsakes for her children's photo albums (she doesn't scrapbook, and I was considering making her a custom kit to get her started as a moving gift, but after this experience I've thought twice!)
Am I crazy??
- Krista
Oh, my...you want to know what I'd do. Well...
I have a list (in my head, it's true, but it's still a LIST) of people who are not card-worthy. What are the requirements for the card-worthy list?
a) Card-worthy people always mention your card when you talk to them after they receive it. Preferably, they gush and tell you how wonderful it is, but even a simple acknowledgement of it's beauty will get keep them on the card-worthy list. However, if they say something like "I guess you made that card, huh?" you can automatically put them on the NOT card-worthy list.
Card-worthy people will often say things like "I throw the rest of my Christmas cards away, but I save yours and put them all out every year" or "I loved that card you made SO MUCH that I had it framed and it hangs in my dining room as a permanent reminder of how much you mean to me and how talented you are." ;)
b) Card-worthy people would NEVER let their child tear a card into pieces. When this is done in your presence, you will, of course, automatically switch the person (and their child) from the card-worthy list to the NOT card-worthy list. This is done with a fixed smile and a glazed look as you stare at the spectacle of your hard-work being torn to pieces. A slight wince at a loud tearing sound is permissible, but save the sobs and wails for at home. Next year when they receive that card you bought at the dollar store, they'll know their mistake.
Card-worthy people would immediately snatch the precious creation from their child's hands and say, "Oh, no, no, Sarah, we need to preserve this beautiful card for your children and grandchildren. It's going right in your scrapbook!"
c) Card-worthy people will always tell you how much they are looking forward to the next card. They call you up on the phone and ask what they did to offend you if they receive a non-handmade card...a card sent because you just didn't have time to make a card. If they don't think they offended you, they instead worry that you are not feeling quite well...surely if you felt better you would have made them a card. They will express their concern and you will feel guilty as you should for not sending them one of your creations when they so clearly deserved one.
Of course, people are considered card-worthy until they prove themselves otherwise.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. :( I had started a similar thread last summer. My dilemma was whether or not to give a graduation card I'd made to my niece who I felt sure would not appreciate it. The general consensus was that we make them for us. Because it makes us feel good to express our creativity and ingenuity. If the recipient isn't appreciative, oh well, get over it. I tried to take all the advice to heart and decided to give it to her. To my astonishment, her older sister (the one who never sends thank you notes or acknowledges anything) was insistent that she look at it because Aunt Debbi made it!
While it hurts that the mom let the girl trash it, it still came from your heart and you liked it. That's what's important. And as JanTInk said - they're not worthy! Maybe the little girl will always remember the card you made her. My advice, just let it go. Don't be sending them anymore of your lovely creations. Send them to someone who is worthy. Just my $.02.
Krista, don't take it personally. Evidently, the little girl found your card interesting in that she pulled it apart. Usually, they open the envelope, open the card, and look for the green paper they sometimes comes in the middle. The card is tossed aside.
As Jan said, (much too funny) save your cards for people that will appreciate them.
Sheryl
I have a list (in my head, it's true, but it's still a LIST) of people who are not card-worthy. What are the requirements for the card-worthy list?
a) Card-worthy people always mention your card when you talk to them after they receive it. Preferably, they gush and tell you how wonderful it is, but even a simple acknowledgement of it's beauty will get keep them on the card-worthy list. However, if they say something like "I guess you made that card, huh?" you can automatically put them on the NOT card-worthy list.
Card-worthy people will often say things like "I throw the rest of my Christmas cards away, but I save yours and put them all out every year" or "I loved that card you made SO MUCH that I had it framed and it hangs in my dining room as a permanent reminder of how much you mean to me and how talented you are." ;)
b) Card-worthy people would NEVER let their child tear a card into pieces. When this is done in your presence, you will, of course, automatically switch the person (and their child) from the card-worthy list to the NOT card-worthy list. This is done with a fixed smile and a glazed look as you stare at the spectacle of your hard-work being torn to pieces. A slight wince at a loud tearing sound is permissible, but save the sobs and wails for at home. Next year when they receive that card you bought at the dollar store, they'll know their mistake.
Card-worthy people would immediately snatch the precious creation from their child's hands and say, "Oh, no, no, Sarah, we need to preserve this beautiful card for your children and grandchildren. It's going right in your scrapbook!"
c) Card-worthy people will always tell you how much they are looking forward to the next card. They call you up on the phone and ask what they did to offend you if they receive a non-handmade card...a card sent because you just didn't have time to make a card. If they don't think they offended you, they instead worry that you are not feeling quite well...surely if you felt better you would have made them a card. They will express their concern and you will feel guilty as you should for not sending them one of your creations when they so clearly deserved one.
Of course, people are considered card-worthy until they prove themselves otherwise.
oh my! if this is what it takes to be cardworthy then I think the only card worthy person I know is my DH, and I really think that he only comments on my cards because he knows how much they cost, not really because he loves my cards. :( not even my MOTHER gushes over a card I make (though she does say "oh that's cute" from time to time.) but at least I don't think I've ever had a card of mine ripped up in front of my face. oh wait! I take that back! lol! one year my best friend's baby tore her Christmas card when she wasn't looking. but she immediatley scooped it all up, and put it back together. ok, this friend gushes over cards! that makes 3 card worthy ppl in my world.
I'd have to agree, I'd put your friend on the not cardworthy list for now. go stamp something for someone who will appreciate it! maybe that'll help you? it always helps me.
ok, I'm off to make invitations for non-cardworthy men! lol!
happy stamping
Michelle
I have a list (in my head, it's true, but it's still a LIST) of people who are not card-worthy. What are the requirements for the card-worthy list?
a) Card-worthy people always mention your card when you talk to them after they receive it. Preferably, they gush and tell you how wonderful it is, but even a simple acknowledgement of it's beauty will get keep them on the card-worthy list. However, if they say something like "I guess you made that card, huh?" you can automatically put them on the NOT card-worthy list.
Card-worthy people will often say things like "I throw the rest of my Christmas cards away, but I save yours and put them all out every year" or "I loved that card you made SO MUCH that I had it framed and it hangs in my dining room as a permanent reminder of how much you mean to me and how talented you are." ;)
b) Card-worthy people would NEVER let their child tear a card into pieces. When this is done in your presence, you will, of course, automatically switch the person (and their child) from the card-worthy list to the NOT card-worthy list. This is done with a fixed smile and a glazed look as you stare at the spectacle of your hard-work being torn to pieces. A slight wince at a loud tearing sound is permissible, but save the sobs and wails for at home. Next year when they receive that card you bought at the dollar store, they'll know their mistake.
Card-worthy people would immediately snatch the precious creation from their child's hands and say, "Oh, no, no, Sarah, we need to preserve this beautiful card for your children and grandchildren. It's going right in your scrapbook!"
c) Card-worthy people will always tell you how much they are looking forward to the next card. They call you up on the phone and ask what they did to offend you if they receive a non-handmade card...a card sent because you just didn't have time to make a card. If they don't think they offended you, they instead worry that you are not feeling quite well...surely if you felt better you would have made them a card. They will express their concern and you will feel guilty as you should for not sending them one of your creations when they so clearly deserved one.
Of course, people are considered card-worthy until they prove themselves otherwise.
Location: The thin line between genius and insanity
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The "un-card-worthy" get the ugliest, cheapest card I can find. This is of course after they make a disparaging comment about the "homemade card" or ask if we are having financial problems.
It may be immature, but If they want store bought, they get store bought.
__________________
It's not fair. Life was never this hard for Barbie & Ken
-unknown
Ok, I think I am going to jump on the band wagon on this one, hope someone reads this and tells me what they think. My sister and I were just talking about this same thing last night because we each sent our Mom one for Thanksgiving (I guess you should know we are late 40's,but it still hurts), and she didn't say anything about the one my sister sent, and I just asked her "did you get my card?" and she said in her depressing voice "yeah, it was cute", I couldn't believe the way she acted. We do put a lot of thought into every card we make.Jami has given me numerous tips, so you know they are good ideas. Now my Mother-in-Law on the other hand puts them up for display (my daughter makes them for her too) and takes all of them to her Wed. Lunch Group and shows them off. I guess you can't please everyone, but, they could a least fake that they like it.
Thanks for letting me "vent"
Cindy
It is hard when people don't treasure what you make. I would never allow my child to destory a card in front of anyone (even though I don't have one yet). I don't even allow my pets to be disrespectful.
We do have to remember we make them because we enjoy it. My grandmother calls them my "little cards." Not sure if she really likes them or not. My mom and MIL show them off to everyone. MIL actually asks for a set for Xmas every year. I was just at SIL house a few months ago and she had no idea I made them until MIL pointed it out. So, in my case they didn't say anything because they didn't know. I guess I should be flattered.
Don't take it personally and I'm sure your card was beautiful. I agree with having a non-worthy list, I have one.
jen70 - I can't believe any adult would do that, especially a demo!! She'll probably lose more business from others as well if she keeps acting that way. I just can't believe it!!?! How could anyone be so rude??!
When I found a new demo, my former demo ripped up one of my cards and stuck it in my mailbox.
Jen, I LOVE that card! I hope you can love it again too someday. I'm sure your former demo is ashamed at having been so spiteful and mean. I feel sorry for her, but she certainly sounds like someone you don't want in your life. I would make that card again an be sure to send it to a cardworthy person who will give teh kind of feedback JanTink spoke of. Then you will have positive memories of that card and it will blot out the negative ones that git created.
cindygrammy, could your mom have been having a bad day or been sad to be away from family on thanksgiving? i only say this because last night i felt awful and even talking with my wonderful husband felt draining and like a selfish demand on my time. if this kind of response is normal for your mom, you can either keep making wonderful cards because you love her so much, or you can scale it back and make the kinds of cards I make for my MIL (i try to knock those out in half an hour or less). even when I sort of knock out quickish cards for my Mom when i am pressed for time, she always calls and thanks me for the card and lets me know it gave her a boost.
When I found a new demo, my former demo ripped up one of my cards and stuck it in my mailbox.
Here's the card. I don't like this card anymore because it reminds me of what happened. I've thought about deleting it. Gallery at Splitcoaststampers
That is horrible and so immature!!! Darling card by the way!!
Krista - I had something similar happen except I made the card for my "friend's" birthday and then she handed it to her 2 year old and let her rip it to pieces. I never made her another card.
I agree with Jan I only make them for people who are card worthy.
Jen, Only a person filled with poison would do this!!!!! :(
I agree!
great monkey card.
It's a good thing she let you know what list she wants to be on.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
__________________ if your path is boobytrapped you are probably on the right track to treasure BUT if everything is inordinately hard you probably are rushing to the final exam in the wrong place a day early.
Before I give away a handmade card, I always evaluate what kind of person am I giving it to. If I know they will appreciate it, I will give them one of my best. If I know they will probably toss it, I give them something that I can really part with and not one of my best work.
I agree with everything you said and with your permission I would like to copy this and send it to my upline and other demonstrators with credit to you!
I have a list (in my head, it's true, but it's still a LIST) of people who are not card-worthy. What are the requirements for the card-worthy list?
I have two lists of Christmas card recipients... those who get Hallmark when I care enough to buy the very best mass produced goods on the market; and those who get my stamped goodies. The list is made up of mostly fellow stampers, my mother who has saved EVERY BLOODY THING I've made since birth, a cousin who just cannot fathom where the heck I get this creativity from and a select group of friends who may or may not keep my cards, but I know they appreciate that I made them. Hmmmm... now that I think about it, it's mostly hubby's relatives that get Hallmark.... he he he.... I gave my friend's son a cute little card project featuring photos I had taken of him over the years... by the time his mom got to putting it in a memory book, some of the adhesive had given up and the photos popped off and she gave it all back to me in an envy and asked if I could PLEASE PLEASE put it back together. They get stamped cards for all occasions....
[QUOTE=jen70]When I found a new demo, my former demo ripped up one of my cards and stuck it in my mailbox.
Well I think you should send her a Christmas card using several level three hostess sets and any preview sets of new mini's or SABs you can borrow *so she can WONDER if you are a demo now
make it a knockout technique card (case something shamelessly) and add in a note about hope she is enjoying her biz or new stamps as much as you
or thank her for INTRODUCING you to su cause you are SOOO HAPPY Now
some kind of living well message of you having the last laugh,
for the card worthy, some people dont recognize the cards as "home made" i wa workign on valentines and an old acquantance saw me and sniffed why dint you MAKE those>> and i siad I DID she said OH> she thought they were all bought (which I took as gee I must be getting better!! LOL)
For the kiddy cards I wouldn't spend more then ten minutes so if misfortune befalls I dont have a huge emotional investment in it.+
+
send to the card worthyand hallmark or simply IGNORING the uncardworthy is a work able solution.(or dollar store and a pack of stickers!)
When I found a new demo, my former demo ripped up one of my cards and stuck it in my mailbox.
I'm speechless! I like the card, too!!
I'm always hoping something like what JanTink described will happen to my cards!! LOL Or, more appropriatly, the cards I've cased from scs LOL! I don't even want to think of the fate of most of the Christmas cards I just sent out.....
I can empathize with your feelings over the destroyed and unappreciated card. I'm not always good at guessing in advance who will appreciate that I've gone to some extra effort just for them.
Many years ago I spent a lot of time making a set of cards for my grandmother's birthday gift. (She lived with my parents for 22 years, so I did "know" her pretty well.) She was a quilter, and expected people to admire her work, so I assumed she'd appreciate the work I had done making cards (with matching envelopes) for her to use. She kept a regular mail correspondence with old friends and family, and went through boxes of all-occasion cards every year. I even decorated a pretty box for her to keep them in. She thanked me for the gift, but didn't show much interest at the time. I figured she was more interested in the company that had come for her birthday celebration, and assumed she'd appreciate them when she needed to use them.
I was helping my Mom clean out some things after she died, 5 years later, and found that box of cards - unused. The "art" wasn't important to her, so it went unappreciated.
I think we have to decide ahead of time that it will be ok if the receiver doesn't percieve the heart's intent of the giver. Let them put themselves on the "card-worthy" list.
And keep a few simple ones on hand for the poor "card un-worthies". Why waste 99 cents on a cheap card when you can make one for a quarter?!
__________________ Malinda
Why did she make things? Well, she enjoyed it, of course; it also somehow helped her remember who she was and where she came from.
I think I also have to agree with JanTInk, the all-time Vent Queen!! I always appreciate at least hearing a thanks, and even tiny bit of praise from someone who received one of my cards. In the past I have made 4 cards for each of my co-workers for their birthdays. Well, we have one lady in our office who only works very part-time doing transcription and I tried to show her some cards one day that another co-worker and I had made at a stamp camp. She just brushed them off and said "why bother when you can just print them off the computer!?" Well, needless to say, she is NOT card-worthy and will never receive one from me!
That mother should have had more class and taken the card from the child ("Birthday Brat") immediately....store-bought or thoughtfully hand-made!
I have had the experience of making a get well card for someone from my aerobics class, and had asked the instructor for this person's address, and when she found out why I wanted it she asked if everyone could sign it. Well, everyone signed it but not one person said thanks for letting us sign too, nor commented on how nice it was. I had really put a lot of effort into it. Also, not card-worthy people (although the person I sent it to called to say thank you, and then tried to sell me on Creative Memories! Sorry lady, I'm strictly a Stampin' Up girl!!)
Oh well, enough venting from one of the Vent-Queen's admirers!!!
I agree with everything you said and with your permission I would like to copy this and send it to my upline and other demonstrators with credit to you!
wow, this is a long thread! I think this topic strikes close to home for all of us who love to share our creations.
veganf, how horrible for you to witness the destruction of something you had so lovingly hand crafted. I would equate what happened to you with someone purposely vomiting up food I made or smashing a hand painted piece of pottery in front of me. regardless of whether the mother or child appreciated your efforts, to do that in front of you is just plain rude. I'm thinking bonbonstamps has the right idea and gift tags are the way to go for them.
I remember chiming in on stampinCPA's question and would like to reiterate what she said. we stamp and create because we love it. we send off our creations because we hope to share some of that love. regardless of whether our recipients recognize that what they hold in their hands is a physical representation of our love, the message is still there if they choose to see it. I'm glad you decided to go through with it, stampinCPA, and was not disappointed.
jen70, what a horrible woman your former demo must be. she's probably reaping what she sows with her evil vindictiveness. if you let her actions affect your love for stamping, then she will have won. although the revenge described by ndeelou sounds delicious, I wouldn't waste any more time or thought on her. she is so not worthy. btw, your card was so cute!
Cindygrammy2, I have to agree with Mahloumel and say it's probably the fact that you and your sister were calling her on the holiday (and not spending it with her) versus any disappointment she might have had about your cards. holidays are a tough time of year for many so things that would normally cause delight can end up reminders of those we are missing.
malindaplace, hearing your story from another perspective, it strikes me that perhaps your grandmother saved your cards on purpose and thought them too precious to use. sounds like it to me.
Can I vent too?
My SIL wanted me to make a pack of cards for her & gave me sorta deadline (like 4 days) to make them. I burned midnight oil to make them for her for free mind you. I put them in a box and rush over to her place to give to her. She just took the box and threw it into the dirty laundry basket (fill of soiled clothes) without even taking a look at them or even a simple thanks. I knew then that itz the last time that I wud ever give her anything. In the past I have given her my glass paintings, mosaic... not that I thrust my art on her, she herself picked them from the display in our house (she doesn't pay). I don't know why she does that... she takes my stuff only for me to find them literally in trash.
I hv even stopped giving gifts to her & her family bcoz they don't hv the courtesy to say thanks when they get it nor have they ever wished me even once on my b'day.
DH's reasoning is that one has to be an artist to appreciate what I do. I debate with him that it is common courtesy to acknowledge the gift even if u don't appreciate it.
This year I have removed lots of ppl from my card-worthy list after
1. they never even bothered to call or e-mail to tell me that they got my cards.
2. or the ppl who kept getting stuff from me but hv never wished me on my b'day or anniversary or any festival.
SOmetimes it does make me depressed that I hv boxes of cards that I made lovingly but not many ppl to give them to. Ofcourse I give them for charity n stuff but sometimes it is a nice feeling to know that the ppl u love wud atleast see the effort & the thoughts I've put in.
Oh btw, DH is also removed from the list when he said this the last time I gave him card - 'Oh, why do u want to give the card to me & waste it?' I didn't give him one for our anniversary or his b'day & he didn't miss it either.
Sorry, the post got long but this stuff had me bothered for way too long...
Easwari
when your efforts aren't appreciated
