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I have to say I find the idea of not expressing gratitude for a gift as really disturbing. I’m not so much concerned about etiquette, which does change over time. I’m concerned about the attitude that sees no value in expressing thanks, or actually sees it as a mere “obligation”, or as an expected reaction to a gift.
Expressing thanks is a humble, loving reaction to someone else’s expression of love or regard or concern that is shown in the giving of a gift or service. Even if the gift or service is given as an obligation, the recipient should feel and express SOME gratitude that the giver even bothered.
Expressing thanks is ideally, the closing of a circuit of an act of love. To ignore an act of love is simply heartless and self-centered.
Not every expression of gratitude needs to be a big, fancy deal. But there are times, when nothing less than a written note of thanks is appropriate. If you don’t feel like making a card, that’s fine, but at least express your thanks appropriately, or really, you show yourself to be a thoughtless, self-centered jerk.
WOW!...you hit a favorite subject with tons with this topic. I agree that thank you notes should still be in our culture, it means so much and takes so little. I still receive cards from my immediate family..I think they know I expect it! Even though I make cards, I love it when I receive cards of any kind. I keep lots of them on display in my Craft room. I did not receive a thank you note from my grandson's wedding, and it still bothers me 5 years later. They did say thank you personally to all the guests and did not open gifts until after the wedding (which I don't like)..but the world changes. I try not to hold that against people unless they show other traits of not being grateful. I especially love the fact that my great grandson (3)..says please and thank you and offers lots of hugs...a good beginning.
__________________ Have a creative day, every day.
I wonder if the cost of greeting cards being so expensive are turning people off. I hear so often they go to the dollar store because of this.
So if cost is a factor go to the dollar store......but send that card.
It does drive me crazy to see the prices of cards in stores. When it comes to Sympathy cards I still find friends and family request those. It�s a disposable world, and unfortunately there will be people who only think of price and �why spend $7 on a card that will get read once and thrown in garbage�.
In all honesty how many prefer to get a card in the mail instead of a bill......a no brainer😀
I have to say I find the idea of not expressing gratitude for a gift as really disturbing. I�m not so much concerned about etiquette, which does change over time. I�m concerned about the attitude that sees no value in expressing thanks, or actually sees it as a mere �obligation�, or as an expected reaction to a gift.
Expressing thanks is a humble, loving reaction to someone else�s expression of love or regard or concern that is shown in the giving of a gift or service. Even if the gift or service is given as an obligation, the recipient should feel and express SOME gratitude that the giver even bothered.
Expressing thanks is ideally, the closing of a circuit of an act of love. To ignore an act of love is simply heartless and self-centered.
Not every expression of gratitude needs to be a big, fancy deal. But there are times, when nothing less than a written note of thanks is appropriate. If you don�t feel like making a card, that�s fine, but at least express your thanks appropriately, or really, you show yourself to be a thoughtless, self-centered jerk.
Wow this is so well said. That is what bothers me, not that I didn�t get acknowledgement but that a gift would mean so little. When someone gives me something I am so thrilled that someone would think of me. Even the smallest thing bowls me over.
Linda OKC - first of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I am shocked and saddened that you didn't receive any sympathy cards, for they could have offered you some comfort. I'm 60 years old and always try to make sure I send them. I recall receiving cards when my Dad passed away when I was 30 yrs old and how much they meant to me. I continued to received some a couple of months after he passed and how much that still comforted me. Even though time had passed, I was still hurting and it helped to know others cared.
On the topic of thank you notes - I just can't get over how rude I think it is to not send one when you receive a gift. I'm fine with a verbal thank you at family-type gatherings where gifts are given in person. However, I think a thank you is in order for a formal shower, wedding or mailing gifts out of towns. I stopped mailing money to a nephew and his wife because I grew tired of them showing zero appreciation. I would have even appreciated a text but didn't even get that. I work really hard for my money and do without a lot of things for myself to give to others but I decided if you can't thank me, I can't be bothered to send it anymore. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. lol
I was not taught to send thank you cards as a child but I was taught to share my appreciation of a gift by saying thank you either while i was opening the gift(s) or immediately afterwards.
I raised my kids to write to or call people to thank them for a kindness (usually a physical gift). My daughters are very good at thanking the givers. My sons on the other hand, well one of them is sporadic, he sometimes reaches out to say thanks, but sometimes leaves you wondering. He lives a few hours away from us.
My youngest son however makes me want to pull my hair out. He just turned 20 in June and still lives with us (like so many his age live with their parents these days). Well, we spent $200 on camping gear for him because he keeps talking about going camping with his friends but doesn't have any gear of his own. Well, he opened all of the gifts and was pretty excited about a couple of them but then, nothing. Five minutes after he was done opening everything and we were still sitting around, I asked him if he was going to show his appreciation for the gifts. He got all uppity and insulted and said saying thanks doesn't mean anything if you are told to do it. I told him if he had thanked us immediately then i wouldn't have asked him and at this point I'd rather accept a forced thanks than not hear it at all. My eldest daughter and husband took his side. I looked at them point blank and said "then you are part of the problem" and left the room.
I LOVE giving gifts, whether they are handmade or store-bought. I'm just a giver and i love the entire process from shopping to wrapping just right. But I'm telling ya, I'm gonna start buying presents for perfect strangers if I don't start seeing an improvement in my boys display of gratefulness.
I've generally stopped giving gifts to the adult kids of my friends but our family was recently invited to a 1st birthday for my friend's son's son. I bought 3 books to the tune of about $40 and not a word of thanks. Not while we were there and not in writing. We went to their wedding too and didn't get nary a thanks for that gift either so I have decided that they will get acknowledgment of their birthdays with a card but I'm no longer going to buy gifts.
Honestly, I really don't care how a person expresses their thanks, I just expect a thanks, and it is sad that it seems too complicated a task for most people to even speak the words.
__________________ Shellie G
Aspire to be a better person than you were yesterday
Could it be Americans have so much stuff that receiving a gift no longer generates a feeling of gratitude? Or have Americans become so used to having everything individualized, customized, and made exactly the way they want that receiving a gift actually does feel like a burden (i.e. they would have preferred a different color, or size, or brand, etc.)?
I recently used a wedding gift registry to shop for my cousin's bridal shower and wedding gifts, and it struck me just how specific a registry makes gift-giving. I wondered, if I did not buy from the registry, would my gift still be appreciated? I got married 20 years ago at the age of 23 and had our first child two years later and did not use a registry for either event. I had very little and what I did have were hand-me-downs and thrift store finds. I was just excited to be going through these big life events! And every gift I got was useful and perfect. I loved them all, so much so that I still have and use everything from my bridal showere (unless it broke beyond repair, wore out, or got used up).
By the way, my sweet cousin did write thank you notes (promptly, too!) for all her bridal shower gifts. Her mother, my aunt, is just as sweet and nice!
I think I should tell my favorite thank you note story. First, I made my children write Thank You notes from the time they could talk. They would dictate, I would write, and then they would sign (kind of). All three are great at writing thank you notes today. Two are married with children and have never been longer than two weeks sending thank yous for ALL gifts. One is a little slower but he will get them done within a month.
When these children were in school, it was customary to give Christmas and end-of-the-year gifts to teachers (that would be another post of what I think of that) One year for Christmas I made MANY cards for birthday, sympathy, thank you, get well, etc. I tied them in bundles of 8 with envelopes that had stamps on them. Their "main" teacher got two packets and the gym, music, library, art, and TAG teachers got one packet. My son and I received ZERO thank you notes. None. Nada. Thanks for setting such a great example, teachers.
So comes the end of the year, I figure what I would have spent for gifts and then went shopping. I bought a gift card to Applebees, two movie passes, a card for sodas and popcorn at the movie, and two medium snacks at Coldstone Creamery for after. I put this all in an envelope with a card that said, "Thank you for getting my son safely two and from school every day" and told my son to give it to his buss driver.
That night, I received a phone call. It was the bus driver. She said, "Mrs. D, Scotty gave me an envelope this morning. Was he supposed to? I said I believe you have been driving his bus all year haven't you? and she said yes, for two years now. I said well then that is your gift.
She was overcome. I think her voice cracked when she thanked me. Two days later, I received the most heartfelt thank you note from her.
I think manners have almost completely dissappeared. And it's definately not just the kids. Even in the stores, no one says "Excuse me" anymore. They just run you over. And I am one of those type people that likes to smile at other people. That is evidently considered a weakness now! I don't remember us getting sympathy cards when my husband's parents died. And there have been many times, we didn't even receive a verbal thank you for gifts. But Thankfully, there have also been times when people let us know how touched they were by a gift or something we had done. I think it shows a lack of character to not be genuinely grateful for blessings in our lives. I hope one day people will start teaching manners again! But I appreciate a phone call just as much as a handwritten card.
Yes, there are many things changing in this day and age and many I'm very sad to loose, but I am a firm believer in keep on keeping on. I think part of the problem is that store bought cards are SO DANG EXPENSIVE!!! I hope to always make cards and send cards and small gifts I can make. I love it when I get a response that it brightened someones day because they rarely get snail mail. It encourages me to just doing my part of what I am passionate about. Who knows, maybe my cards will encourage others to send cards (in fact I often write my message on a loose piece of paper inside my cards and invite the receiver to pass the card along to brighten someone elses day. That way one card can bless 2 people!).
As I read this I wondered if sympathy cards are also going out of style. Both of my parents died within a year of each other and I didn't receive a single sympathy card from anyone despite hundreds of people attending the funerals. And these weren't young people but people in their 80's. The only card I thought I got turned out to be a rant that my sister and I were responsible for my mother's death (she died of stage 4 brain cancer) and that was sent by an 87-year-old friend of hers.
I'm so sorry you experienced this!
I make extra effort to send handmade sympathy cards (for loss of both people and pets) because I know it is extra meaningful at such a sad time.
In my humble opinion, the thoughtfulness and courtesy of a "thank you" note is worth far more than any expensive card. Use notebook paper and a plain envelope. I'd much rather get that, and the thought behind it, than any pre-printed card.
I wasn’t taught to write thank you notes because I didn’t receive gifts from anybody except my parents. On the other hand ,it didn’t need to be taught because we were raised with manners. Both my sister and I wrote thank you notes on our honeymoons. I like to send notes of appreciation to people I work with. I’ve sent a few thank,you notes to my boss when she supported or helped me.
Sympathy cards will never go out of fashion. I kept the cards I received on the occasions of my parents’ death in a box. It eased my grief to know that people cared.
I too think people just don't have any manners anymore - and how sad is that??? Last year two of my nieces got married and they both had time to address the invitations but not a thank you from either. One got cash and the other a gift card. From now on I will only give a check as a gift so I can see that is has been cashed. I know they don't want a check as it's too much "trouble" to have to cash it but too bad.
Also, my daughter attended a wedding last weekend and I asked what she gave as a gift. The couple was registered at a place where there were several stores in one. My daughter chose something from the list and it will be sent to the couple when they desire. I asked if she got a card and she said an "e-card" was included from the website. I was appalled. I doubt thank you notes will be sent on that one either.
Any form of snail mail seems to be obsolete but I'm old school. I love to make cards and I send a lot of them. Most of my recipients really appreciate them, but they are mostly senior citizens who know about manners.
Could it be Americans have so much stuff that receiving a gift no longer generates a feeling of gratitude? Or have Americans become so used to having everything individualized, customized, and made exactly the way they want that receiving a gift actually does feel like a burden (i.e. they would have preferred a different color, or size, or brand, etc.)?
I recently used a wedding gift registry to shop for my cousin's bridal shower and wedding gifts, and it struck me just how specific a registry makes gift-giving. I wondered, if I did not buy from the registry, would my gift still be appreciated? I got married 20 years ago at the age of 23 and had our first child two years later and did not use a registry for either event. I had very little and what I did have were hand-me-downs and thrift store finds. I was just excited to be going through these big life events! And every gift I got was useful and perfect. I loved them all, so much so that I still have and use everything from my bridal showere (unless it broke beyond repair, wore out, or got used up).
By the way, my sweet cousin did write thank you notes (promptly, too!) for all her bridal shower gifts. Her mother, my aunt, is just as sweet and nice!
Registries have, indeed, become very specific. Sometimes it is difficult to find something in the price range that you wanted to spend. I think that part of it is that people are getting married later in life. I know that both of my not yet married kids have an established apartment/home. They have the stuff that many needed when they got married such as an iron, towels, mixing bowls, etc....I was invited to a shower for a young coworker a few years ago. She had a toaster on her registry. I went to a local store and bought her a nice toaster. I got an email from her asking if I had bought it off the registry. The point was that it wasn�t the exact one on her registry. So many millennials now prefer gift cards to actual gifts.
On the subject of thank you notes, I know that my kids send them. When my son had an entry level job, he got a bottle of wine as a gift from the 5 people that he reported to. That guy wrote five thank you notes for one bottle of wine! I think he went above and beyond. I�d have written one note.
To ejluyk: I�ve never heard of opening gifts at a wedding. Showers, yes. Wedding? No. Could that be a regional thing?
I don't think registries are an entirely bad thing especially if people have a certain design aesthetic and buying something else that they will end up returning is a waste of my time and resources. However, I have at times purchased something similar to what was on a registry because none of the items on the registry we're under $100. It was still quality stuff just a better price. Sorry, but I'm not gonna spend that much money on the child of a friend, or a distant relative, ESPECIALLY when thank yous are so scarce these days.
But yeah, it bugs me more than a little that thanking people is so passe these days. I grew up poor (had what I needed but not much more) and when I got a "big" gift I knew some serious sacrificing had been made. I'm sometimes delayed in my thanks if a gift is from someone that is out of the area but my appreciation is always forthcoming.
I gift lots of thank you cards to my daughter-in-law who is a busy mom and attorney. I gift thank you cards to my daughter who uses them herself and they always send one to every child who attended a birthday party. I gift them as shower and wedding gifts along with boxes of handmade cards. My son doesn't send them to me but he always calls immediately when he receives something in the mail and lets me know how much he appreciates it. Even if I just send him a card I get a phone call so I really don't mind as he is self -employed, very busy and a single dad with a young child.
However, I did just have to ask a young couple if they received our wedding gift we sent them through Amazon. Because they live in a large city I wanted to make sure it wasn't stolen. And she had to think about it to answer!! It was on her wish list, I told her what it was and she still had to think about it before answering! Good grief!!!
When my son was in the Air Force, he (and family) was transferred to another base. Knowing they had lots of friends, I made "We've Moved" cards and sent them to my DIL. 40 cards plus matching envelopes plus postage stamps. I never heard a word. I finally asked my son about them. "Oh, she didn't send any."
Not having learned my lesson, I offered to make sets of cards and monogrammed note cards for the grandkids' teachers for end of school-year gifts. The only comment I received: "Our teachers out here don't really like handmade gifts." Really, Miss Manners?
I have learned my lesson, but in retrospect, I should have done so much earlier. I made a "Welcome to the North Pole" tree skirt for them. It was a labor of love, and by the time I had finished, I easily had around 475 hours in the project. The night I gave it to the DIL I found it in a heap at the bottom of the basement steps. I truly wish I had followed my first instinct to put it in my suitcase and bring it back home with me.
__________________ Linda E
Caution: You are entering an artistic zone. This is not clutter - this is creating. These are not pajamas - it's my work uniform.
These commentaries are sad...how depressing is it to know how many people find it unnecessary to acknowledge in any way what someone does for them. Just this summer I have written 3 checks as gifts and only know they received them by checking my bank account. I don’t know what the answer is other than stress to our children and grandchildren how important it is to let a gift giver know you’ve received and appreciated their thoughtfulness. A short text or e Mail is all it takes if not a note.
I send cards to Cards for a Cause here on SCS. It's something that makes me feel really good and my cards are always appreciated. I know this because a lot of the "missions for the month" send me thank you letters and cards. Then I really feel good!!
Just yesterday DH and I received a letter from the Children's Miracle Network. I wondered what it was about, here they were thanking me for a donation our realtor from ReMax had made in our names because we used them in a recent transaction. Wow! That was amazing!
Then I wonder why my oldest daughter and her family don't ever thank us for gifts, cards, etc. No phone calls, nothing. Don't know if gifts arrive? Cards? But she sure can let me know when one of the grands or great grands want a certain gift for bdays or Christmas. Even our SIL never acknowledges his bday card with $ enclosed. I know they live out of town, 2 hours away but geez. I want to stop giving but it's hard, they're used to getting from us. Problem is, we will never get used to not getting something back. :(
__________________ We can't all be stars but we can all twinkle.
When my son was in the Air Force, he (and family) was transferred to another base. Knowing they had lots of friends, I made "We've Moved" cards and sent them to my DIL. 40 cards plus matching envelopes plus postage stamps. I never heard a word. I finally asked my son about them. "Oh, she didn't send any."
Not having learned my lesson, I offered to make sets of cards and monogrammed note cards for the grandkids' teachers for end of school-year gifts. The only comment I received: "Our teachers out here don't really like handmade gifts." Really, Miss Manners?
I have learned my lesson, but in retrospect, I should have done so much earlier. I made a "Welcome to the North Pole" tree skirt for them. It was a labor of love, and by the time I had finished, I easily had around 475 hours in the project. The night I gave it to the DIL I found it in a heap at the bottom of the basement steps. I truly wish I had followed my first instinct to put it in my suitcase and bring it back home with me.
I'm sitting here shocked after reading your post. You sound like a wonderful, caring, generous person! Wow, that tree skirt must be beautiful--would love to see a photo. So sorry your wonderful gifts aren't acknowledged. :(
Yay...my little four year old granddaughter wrote her first lettered thank you to her babysitter today. Before that, she colored pictures for thank you's.
There are takers and there are givers.
I was a giver married to a taker.
One of my children gives me gifts, sends thank you notes and nice cards to me (and we even work together). The other does NOTHING. No birthday card, no mother's day card, No Christmas gift.
When I was growing up in the 50's & 60's the etiquette was to either thank the giver (of anything) in person or mail a thank you note within a week.
I have been sending a $20 in birthday cards for years to 6 grandkids. Guess which ones thank me! The children of the giver. I am stopping when they turn 21. I guess $20 is not worth even a text!
We just visited a bunch of friends who have retired to Florida. Stayed with 5 different family/friends, each for 2 nights. I mailed out 8 thank you notes: those 5, one we didn’t stay with, but took us out for a meal, and 2 to neighbors who dealt with a tree that lost a huge branch while we were gone.
The cards arrived yesterday, and we’ve already gotten 2 electronic thank you’s for the thank you note!
Linda I wish you HAD taken it back. UNbelievable...handmade gifts treated that way! Giving her the cards just proves you can lead a horse to water....
You know what occurred to me? These same "no thanks people"-if they handed you something, or did something for you in live time, they would expect you to say thank you right?
I have to say I find the idea of not expressing gratitude for a gift as really disturbing. I�m not so much concerned about etiquette, which does change over time. I�m concerned about the attitude that sees no value in expressing thanks, or actually sees it as a mere �obligation�, or as an expected reaction to a gift.
Expressing thanks is a humble, loving reaction to someone else�s expression of love or regard or concern that is shown in the giving of a gift or service. Even if the gift or service is given as an obligation, the recipient should feel and express SOME gratitude that the giver even bothered.
Expressing thanks is ideally, the closing of a circuit of an act of love. To ignore an act of love is simply heartless and self-centered.
Not every expression of gratitude needs to be a big, fancy deal. But there are times, when nothing less than a written note of thanks is appropriate. If you don�t feel like making a card, that�s fine, but at least express your thanks appropriately, or really, you show yourself to be a thoughtless, self-centered jerk.
Can't add much to this, except to say, I totally agree. You said it better and more concisely than I ever could. Thank you!
I'll start with "thank you's" or a basic acknowledgement of receipt are the polite thing to do.
But if you give a gift with an expectation ofsomething in return, by definition it's not a gift anymore. It's an exchange, and exchanges rarely work out unless both sides are aware of the terms. Gifts should be given because you're happy to give, not because you need validation from the recipient, or are under obligation - that's taxation, not donation!
You all reminded me of something. One day years ago when it was getting dark, with snow on the ground and coming down, a woman maybe in her 30s rang the doorbell. Her car had broken down nearby. She asked if she could trouble me to make a phone call to a relative, assuming I wouldn�t want a stranger in my house. But I invited her in and suggested she wait inside. She told me it was the first time she had seen snow - she was from another country and English was her second language. Her ride arrived after a couple of hours and she thanked me profusely.
About a week later a lovely thank you card arrived in the mail. That she had the presence of mind to note our address and remember my name - just my first name was on the envelope - despite being upset, moved me greatly. I still have that card.
Maybe if people knew how impactful a card could be, how it can transform how one feels, if only for a moment, they�d send them. But not being there to see someone�s expression or feel what the recipient is feeling, it�s easy to dismiss the gesture. But we know.
And oh yes, when someone�s animal has died, so appreciated, especially since some people are dismissive of the depth of grief felt for a family member of a different species.
Last edited by bjeans; 09-12-2018 at 05:51 AM..
Reason: typo
This is a great thread!!! People who have absolutely no trouble sending invitations to gift giving occasions, can�t pick up the same pen to thank you for taking the time and effort
to give a gift! Major pet peeve of mine!! My Rule for my kids was that they couldn�t touch the gift until Thank you note were sent. My Daughter in Law writes Thank You notes for everything. So does my Daughter.
I have Nephews who only know you when it�s time for a gift. I have never received a thank you note for any gift. The one Boy has had 3 Weddings and 4 kids!! That�s a lot of big gift giving to never be Thanked!! But we attend and give because we enjoy seeing that part of the family.
__________________ Bev
Organized People are just too lazy to hunt for things!!!
I have to say I find the idea of not expressing gratitude for a gift as really disturbing. I�m not so much concerned about etiquette, which does change over time. I�m concerned about the attitude that sees no value in expressing thanks, or actually sees it as a mere �obligation�, or as an expected reaction to a gift.
Expressing thanks is a humble, loving reaction to someone else�s expression of love or regard or concern that is shown in the giving of a gift or service. Even if the gift or service is given as an obligation, the recipient should feel and express SOME gratitude that the giver even bothered.
Expressing thanks is ideally, the closing of a circuit of an act of love. To ignore an act of love is simply heartless and self-centered.
Not every expression of gratitude needs to be a big, fancy deal. But there are times, when nothing less than a written note of thanks is appropriate. If you don�t feel like making a card, that�s fine, but at least express your thanks appropriately, or really, you show yourself to be a thoughtless, self-centered jerk.
You have summed up my feelings exactly. It's like saying Kindness? Who cares about that? But the same people sure would miss kindness in society if it totally went away. There used to be a saying about the "greasing the social wheels" and these manners and little gestures helped everybody rub along together so much better, helped people stretch themselves and come out of their natural self centeredness.
I was just thinking about how my mother would always ask guests, within minutes of walking through our front door: can I get you a cup of coffee? Now, you can go to someone's house and sit there for an hour and nobody will offer you anything. The simplest gestures mean so much but I think there is such a emotional sickness in Western culture nowadays that people cannot even manifest the simplest acts of kindness because the cost is too high to their sick souls. You can't give when you are empty inside.
On a brighter note, I am considering starting a found (paper) art project featuring encouraging messages in my neighborhood. That should throw everyone for a loop :-)
I'll start with "thank you's" or a basic acknowledgement of receipt are the polite thing to do.
But if you give a gift with an expectation ofsomething in return, by definition it's not a gift anymore. It's an exchange, and exchanges rarely work out unless both sides are aware of the terms. Gifts should be given because you're happy to give, not because you need validation from the recipient, or are under obligation - that's taxation, not donation!
Great point � and you know what else I think would help? That people who are too selfish to acknowledge that somebody cared enough about them to note an important moment in their lives should identify themselves, so thoughtful people won't waste their time having an "exchange" with them! :eek: :p
I think Thank You notes are alive and well! I make about 50 for my daughter in law each year. I make 325 for my son in law who sends them to clients thanking them for their business. I just completed an order of 40 for a local boutique owner. These people must have been raised right! They are grateful people!
You have summed up my feelings exactly. It's like saying Kindness? Who cares about that? But the same people sure would miss kindness in society if it totally went away. There used to be a saying about the "greasing the social wheels" and these manners and little gestures helped everybody rub along together so much better, helped people stretch themselves and come out of their natural self centeredness.
I was just thinking about how my mother would always ask guests, within minutes of walking through our front door: can I get you a cup of coffee? Now, you can go to someone's house and sit there for an hour and nobody will offer you anything. The simplest gestures mean so much but I think there is such a emotional sickness in Western culture nowadays that people cannot even manifest the simplest acts of kindness because the cost is too high to their sick souls. You can't give when you are empty inside.
On a brighter note, I am considering starting a found (paper) art project featuring encouraging messages in my neighborhood. That should throw everyone for a loop :-)
My parents treated anyone at our home as a guest - including people hired to do work. Decades later, monkey see, monkey do - I offer coffee/water/soda to men who do work for us - tree trimming, repairs, etc., and occasionally buy carry-out lunch. And my husband does. Many guys have told me that even if it’s miserably hot, most homeowners never even offer water. Do they usually bring it with them? Sure, but still. Treating hard working people as “less than” or invisible does not go unnoticed.
Of course it’s not necessarily intentional; it may not occur to really nice folks.
