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I have a question. Have sent/given a few birthday gifts, get well, wedding gifts, etc. in the last few months; NONE of which I've received even a small, hand-written thank you note for.
Is this a thing of the past? (I'm not THAT old!!)
I find it slightly rude and inconsiderate. I ALWAYS drop a note in the mail a few days after receiving something from anyone. Am I expecting too much here?
Seems to me that thank you notes have gone out of style. I also write a note after I've received a gift or if someone has done me a big favor. I'm gratified that 2 of my nieces (now that they are grown with children) have started writing thank you note. Maybe thank yous are not completely out of style.
__________________ Mary Ann GALLERY Fan Club member since 4/08
i thought i was the only one who felt thank you notes were a matter of good manners. i have struggled for years with my hubby's sisters (2) and brother not sending thank you notes. my SIL always enabled her sons by excusing away their lack of thank you notes by saying it was hard for them to find the words to say or the time in which to write the notes. i was only asking for an acknowledgement of the gift and some gratitude. i was not expecting a literary masterpiece.
i have a friend whose son graduated last june from college. i sent a card with a check to the parents house. after 4 months and no acknowledgement of receiving the card, i asked the parents if he received it. they said he did but didn't know why he hasn't written a thank you note. now i find out that even though he "walked" at graduation, he did not receive his diploma or finish his degree as he was missing one class. almost one year later and he hasn't finished yet. i feel like asking for my money back.
thanks for letting me vent. this is a sore subject with me and has been for years.
I agree. Thank you's must be a thing of the past. If I receive a gift or someone does something nice for me, I always send a thank you! Last year went to a wedding in Aug., Sept., and Oct., still waiting for a thank you for my gifts.
My Mom instilled in me to always send a thank you.
I am a nut about them. I send them out for every gift I get, including Christmas. But, that is just me. I feel if a person takes the time to think of me, I can take the time to say thanks.
It makes us both feel good.
Now that I am learning to stamp, hopefully when my birthday comes in July, I will be able to do handmade cards.
Way cool!!!!
I send them out for birthdays, and little things that I have gotten. It is so important. I try to instill those values to my kiddos, but it is like torture. They do end up doing them, but it takes forever! I never remember it even being an option growing up. You just knew that you needed to do them! How the times have changed!! SIGH!
This is a needle in my side!! I also send a thank you for everything and I have made sure that my daughters do so also - even when they were toddlers - a thank you was sent from them to acknowledge gifts they received - so what if I was the one who wrote and signed their name to them! Family members have mentioned throughout the years how wonderful it is that I make them send thanks yous! I am in the process of making invites, announcements and Thank you cards for my daughter's upcoming graduation and she said to me - I have to send thanks yous? Why can't I just thank them when they are here - my response..... darn straight you will thank them when they are here and you will send out thank you with a week of your party!!!
I made quilts for my husbands nieces 3 years ago and they still have not thanked me for them!! It just irks me to no end!!!
It is unacceptable to NOT send a thank you note for showers, weddings etc - that is why they sell them in the stores - and why they make rubber stamps with the words Thank You!!!!
I definitely think that many people have forgotten how to send out thank you notes, it is really sad! I am still waiting for a thank you from my neice's high school graduation, 4 years ago! I gave her an expensive gift in person at her party, but she didn't open it in front of me. She opened it while I was at her house, but outside visiting with her guests (she didn't tell anyone about the gift opening, just did it when she felt like it and everyone there missed it!) She never said a word to me about the gift while I was there, then never sent me a thank you card or note of any kind! I have had three other nephews graduate from high school or college since then and have only received one thank you note out of all of them!
I was taught that any time you receive something in the mail and the giver is not there for you to thank in person, you always send a note. I was also taught that anytime you receive a gift for very important occasions, you always send a note, even if you were present when the gift was given. Examples of this are: baby or baby shower, wedding or wedding shower, graduation or graduation party, etc. I would even be happy with an email message at this point! I have had a neice not thank me for a very nice wedding gift, too.
One neice is in law school, I sent her a nice "care package" and she didn't say a word about even receiving it (I am not sure she did!) I sent a "care package" to my nephew who is teaching in the Alaska bush for this year and his thank you was an email and a gift of an ivory carving purchased locally! You can bet he received another care package while I "forgot" to send my neice in law school another one!
I have to admit to having trouble getting my kids to write thank you notes for some of the presents they receive for birthdays and Christmas. When it is an actual toy or present, they can't play with it or open the box until the note is written. But, what if it is a savings bond that they can't even use for a long, long time? I am finding that is much harder to get the kids to write thank you notes for things like that!
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I feel the same as the OP. It's rare that I actually receive a thank you for anything I've given, and it's irritating. Even a phone call or (last resort) and email would do.
I always send out thank yous for gifts or if we stayed at someone's house, etc. They take so little time to do, and I'm sure the recipient is appreciative, so why not?
I agree with all of you about the lack of manners and consideration in not acknowledging gifts. To suggest that it's too hard to find the words, or the time to write a note just takes the cake! I can find the time to make/buy a card, write a check (or shop for a gift) get it to the post office OR spend my afternoon at their party, but they can't drop a quick note in the mail??? I have recently dropped my God daughter and her brother off my list for this very reason. They've never said anything so maybe that's why they didn't send thankyou's, because, they weren't thankful, and didn't care!
I did hear of a cute trick, somebody said that they would give a check, birthday, wedding whatever, but NOT sign it. That way they at least got a phone call saying "Thanks, but you didn't sign the check" !!! ;o))
__________________ "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." ~ G. Marx
I agree, thank you notes seem to be a thing of the past. I've always made my kids write thank you notes for birthdays, Christmas, and any other gift giving occassion. I also write them myself and make my husband tag along on the Christmas one too. I know that none of my nieces or nephews do them. I hosted a baby shower for my oldest niece in February and one of my gifts to her were coordinating thank yous!! I did get one then.
I concur with the last poster about having one year to send a thankyou note for a wedding gift. I read it in a Martha Stewart mag (i think it was that manners lady.. Miss Manners??)
i am bad at sending any kind of physical mail.. snail mail. i haven't purchased a stamp in years. If i've received a gift in person, i will thank them then and there, but if i recieve a gift by mail (doesn't happen very often) i will email a thankyou..
pretty weird behavior for a card-maker.. but maybe i am a product of today's society.. because of this post, though, i will think twice about emailing in the future, and maybe i'll send one of my millions of thank you cards!
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Yesterday I picked up my orders to delivery for from my very first SU! party. When I got to the demo's house to pick them up, I gave her a little thank you note that I had made for her--and she was very touched. Said it was the first time anyone had given her a thank you note for their party!
I have to admit, I haven't been as diligent in sending thank you notes in the past, but have gotten much much better in recent years. I think in many ways, we value the things given to us, or done for us, much more as we get older.
That being said, I still haven't gotten a t-y from my nephew's wedding last September.
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I completely agree. It's coming up on Wedding season again.... I realized that we went to 5 weddings last year... and never recieved one thank you note! Now I can understand no thank you for random gifts... or even for birthday's.... but for those I at least expect a verbal thank you. But weddings is the one time that it should be a formal thank you.... as generally the person isn't there when the gift is opened. Where are the manners these days. I send a thank you for pretty well every gift I receive, as it shows appreciation. I'm sad to say it's seems to have gone passe...... but it's so important. Even if it is by e-mail, acknowledgement of a gift shows some appreciation.
No they are not out of style, but folks aren't taught anymore that it is considered the nice thing to do.
My Mom finally stopped sending birthday cards to some people(in the family even) who would not acknowledge her card and gift.She figured that if they were too busy to send a quick thanks, she was too busy to shop for a gift.
I encourage my two kids to write a quick note, and the 5 yr. old loves this, as then she can make a card too, but my son needs a bit more reminding.
I think weddings are inexcusable. A lot of times people have to travel long distances, and generally the gifts aren't cheap. They should receive thank you notes.
I was never taught to send thank you notes as a child. My mother said that when she was growing up, she didn't have a choice. I guess she didn't think it was necessary. I've sent thank you notes for my wedding/baby shower and generally have always received them for those occasions I've attended. I always send thank you notes to people who have gone out of their way to help me in one way or another, I think it's just nice. But birthdays and Christmas, I don't give thank you cards, and don't recieve them from others either, so I guess we are fair!
I try not to be too uptight about not getting thank you's from people, but I always send thank you notes...and I tried my best to teach my kids to do the same. My son couldn't spend any of his graduation money until all his notes were done - am I cruel or what? LOL!
I just think there should always be some kind of acknowledgement, it just doesn't always have to be written.
Gratitude is always in style and when extended, lifts the spirits of the giver.
I try not to be too uptight about not getting thank you's from people, but I always send thank you notes...and I tried my best to teach my kids to do the same. My son couldn't spend any of his graduation money until all his notes were done - am I cruel or what? LOL!
My mom was the same! Not only did we have to phone and thank our family for gifts, we also had to write a letter thanking them! I think it's proper to thank and acknowledge the gift. And it's always better late than never. I know there's been times that months have passed, and I never got to it.... and debated whether it was too late! IT's never to late.
I find that a bit irritating too. I always send out thank you's. I have a pile to write out and send as we speak for my sons birthday. I always make sure they are sent within a month. This year my son is 4 and will have to sign them or at least try.
I think that they think if they tell you right then and there then a card is not needed (I need my shrug smiley)
While we are all venting, here's my story. My stepson was married almost 2 years ago. DH and I gave them a card with a nice check in it (which they did not open in our presence). About 6 months later, DH asked his DS if they had written their thank yous yet. He said they were working on it. A few months later DIL told us that her mother raised her to have manners, but she was having trouble with the wording (duh - is "thank you for the lovely gift and for thinking of us" too hard?). Bottom line, we never got a thank you and I don't know if they sent out to anyone else. BTW, there were only about 20 people at the wedding so even if you include extended family who were not invited but who sent gifts, it's not many notes. As an aside, the day of the wedding, I had her pick out the chart for the wedding sampler I wanted to cross stitch for them. Seems that I'm having lots of trouble getting inspired to start it!!
__________________ Mary Ann GALLERY Fan Club member since 4/08
In the midst of all this, let me put in a plug for someone who did it right!
My church always has a reception to honor graduating seniors. One young man (like all the rest probably) thanked me during the evening. The following evening he CALLED to tell me thank you again and to ask if I had made the card myself because it was such a *great card*. (His words not mine!!) I was totally bowled over that he made the effort to look up our telephone # in the phone book even!! So I figured he was probably doing that so he wouldn't have to send thank you cards. Two days later I received a very nice thank-you note mentioning the gift by name (not just thank you for the gift!) and again saying he liked the card!
I like the idea of instilling gratitude and getting people to think about thank you notes again..............by giving them a basket of our hand-made cards (thank you's) as gifts! Nice idea! I'm going to run with that!
Regarding one year to send thank you notes (ie: weddings); I'm going to respectfully disagree with Miss Manners on that one. What the heck are doing for one year? Prolonging the agony you feel about sending a note??? I vote for 3 months tops. And no response? I've been sending emails
ie: "Did you receive my gift? Did you have a chance to open it? etc. etc."
Many have stated and I agree. If I took the time to shop, buy, wrap, sometimes send in the mail, etc. a gift, it will take you less time than all of the above to send me a quick note of thanks/appreciation.
We used to drive our kids nuts by telling they could not use the gift until the thank you card was written. My children have thanked me as they have gotten older for forcing them to do that and have said they will do the same with their kids! How cool is that!
My husband is horrible about sending thank you's. I've even had to write out a thank you to my grandmother for a gift that HE received from her, and I had him sign it!
I'm a believer that thank you's should be a priority!
I think that manners have gone downhill. BUT I do not give a gift with any expectations. I buy a gift for someone because I love them or think highly of them. If I get a thank you card then I am elated but I never expect one. I somtimes get phone calls or emails in lieu of snail mail thank you's. Sometimes I never get that. I am fine with that. Not everyone was raised the same and I do not take not getting a thank you note personally.
I love to make cards and so it is easy for me to send a thank you. We can just try to set an example for other and maybe inspire by what we do!!!
This is one of the topics that really bugs me too. Especially not getting a thank you card for a wedding gift that was given. My DH's two cousins never sent out thank you cards for each of their weddings, my own youngest cousin never sent one, the girl I used to babysit never sent one. I just can't believe how rude this is. We'll have been married three years this July. My DH's relatives threw us a shower in his hometown and my MIL was thrilled that everyone received their thank you cards within a WEEK. (The shower was held on a Saturday and everyone received their hand written cards by Friday.) Same thing for the shower that my SIL and my best friend threw. I also made a point of getting all of the thank you cards for our wedding sent within a week of getting married. (We had taken the week off but didn't go on our honeymoon until the following summer, so there was MORE than enough time to send the thank yous.)
My nieces and nephew also don't send thank you cards for gifts. That really burns me up too. I'd love a thank you EMAIL! One year I spent a lot of time finding a camera for my niece for her Christmas present and didn't hear a thing. Zip, nada, zilch. I guess this won't change as they are all now teenagers.
Even my dogs send thank you cards. Abby, my westie, sent my MIL a thank you card that I had made after she went with us on a visit. Oscar, my shihtzu/bichon pup, sent a thank you graduation photo card to the dog obedience school. (http://www.tweetster.com/images/pets...r-thankyou.jpg)
Kimberly
__________________ "There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness." -- Dave Barry
I'm one of these obsessive people about thank yous, whether it's for a card, some stamped images, dinner at someone's house or a gift. But my DH is just the opposite. Getting him to write a thank you is worse than pulling teeth.
Last summer the church where we go gave him a gift certificate for helping so much with their computer system. He simply would not send a email thanking them. I even took pictures of the item after he bought it. He didn't like the pictures. Soooooo, finally, after several months, he took some other pictures and I found out he DID finally send them a thank you email with a picture of the item. Wow. You would have thought I had been asking for the moon.
From what I can tell, my daughter writes notes for gifts she receives.
Now, if stampers would just acknowledge receipt of RAK's and BRAK's, we'd all be happy :>)
I think that manners have gone downhill. BUT I do not give a gift with any expectations. I buy a gift for someone because I love them or think highly of them. If I get a thank you card then I am elated but I never expect one. I somtimes get phone calls or emails in lieu of snail mail thank you's. Sometimes I never get that. I am fine with that. Not everyone was raised the same and I do not take not getting a thank you note personally.
I love to make cards and so it is easy for me to send a thank you. We can just try to set an example for other and maybe inspire by what we do!!!
I think this is a really great attitude to have!!! Wish it was mine! I am a firm believer in sending a thank-you. Like others have said, people can take the time to send an invite; so being courteous enough to respond when someone attends the event or gives a gift is pretty important to me. I tend not to want to give again when people forget their manners. It's sad that the world we live in is becoming more me, me, me!
Question----thank you's and gratitude
