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I have a friend that is having troubles with her marriage. I want to put together a gift basket to send her. What would you suggest? Her husband wants to leave her for his mistress. Very ugly thing to do this time of year. I just want to send her a little cheer maybe something to laugh about.
What about some self-care products (scents that she enjoys or scentless, whatever her preference), some verses (Bible, if that's appropriate, or poems or other quotes) emphasizing how special she is, gift certificates or mixes for her favourite comfort drink (hot chocolate, coffee, whatever), a book of her favourite comic strip or DVD of a favourite comedian...these are just ideas, I'm sure you'll know which ones would suit her best!
I'm sure your gift, whatever you decide on, will remind her that she IS loved, and lovable, and precious, and important.
a gift certificate for half dozen classes at a local martial arts spot; or kick-boxing place. She needs to pound on things and scream!!! Other than that...the other suggestions would work for me if I were in her shoes. You're a good friend.
Filing this...super funny idea...if the intended has a sense of humor!! I may do this for my sister even tho they are not seeking a divorce, I just listen to her rant alot!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdahoLee
omg, i want to send her a shovel, so she can bury his body! what a louse!
i know, i know, that's not what you asked for, sorry, knee jerk reaction to hearing about something so horrific!
She does have a sense of humor. I agree with IdahoLee the shovel would be best. I don't like her hubby haven't for a long time. She was almost 300 pounds and lost down to 140 on her own (since all this she has dropped to 120). I found out his girl friend is huge. What a slap in the face. If I lived closer I would burry him myself. LOL
Carol I love the First Wives Club and she will laugh about it i'm sure.
Cobby martial arts would be fun. I will ask my other friends in town if they have a class.
Dawn i think i'll add a spa basket to what i'm sending. I think if i was in her shoe's I would want a night alone pampering myself.
Thanks for all the great ideas. If I wasn't over 1,000 miles away I would go spend a weekend with her.
He may think the grass is greener in other pastures but just keeping thinking of how much manure it takes to keep it in that condition.
Anything to treat herself.
I would hedge toward a kickboxing or gym class rather than martial arts. Many martial arts classes aren't "physical" (as in punching, sparing) until higher belt levels because of safety concerns.
BTW tell her I think she is amazing to have lost that weight (plus the additional unexpected 200lbs she might be losing). Tell her she WILL be fine and better off, it sounds like he is the one with the issues. Keeping a partner is not worth risking her health. She made a good choice when she lost 140lbs. So she has proven to everyone she is capable of making good choices.
Can you commit to a girl's night with her? It could give her something to look forward to.
I agree with everyone about the timing of the jerk's information. The best things you could 'give' as a friend is your time (via phone) and a basket of goodies for her to use to pamper herself. Let her know that she is a person of self worth. She also needs to exercise to 'let off steam' and keep her weight down for health reasons.
You are a GOOD friend to be thinking of ways to help her get through this bad situation.
Also truthfully if he is acting like a jerk anyway she needs to make arrangements to protect her interests within this situation. I have known of several people that before they made the "big announcement" to the spouse they had cheated on that they had started siphoning off money/assets for their new life so make certain that she has good records to show what is "theirs" if she can't think clearly at the moment. And she needs to keep a copy of those records in a safe place (three copies one for her, her lawyer and the safe place - I have had friends whose records were stolen from them AND lost by the lawyers).
This happened to me many years ago when I had two small boys...although it was devastating at the time...I got through it. I have raised three great boys (one from second hubby) and now have a marriage that I thought I would never have. It is so hard to recover, however, that recovery makes you a stronger person. I feel so bad for this person especially now at the holidays.
blessings.
What a wonderful friend she has in YOU!! Maybe she could come to visit with you for the holidays? The most important thing for her to know is that she is important to her family, friends, co-workers, etc. Sounds like he got scared that she would leave him first because of her weight-loss, so he made the move first.
It would seem that he's the extra poundage now. Great suggestions that everybody has given here and you're a great friend to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScrapNKat
She does have a sense of humor. I agree with IdahoLee the shovel would be best. I don't like her hubby haven't for a long time. She was almost 300 pounds and lost down to 140 on her own (since all this she has dropped to 120). I found out his girl friend is huge. What a slap in the face. If I lived closer I would burry him myself. LOL
Carol I love the First Wives Club and she will laugh about it i'm sure.
Cobby martial arts would be fun. I will ask my other friends in town if they have a class.
Dawn i think i'll add a spa basket to what i'm sending. I think if i was in her shoe's I would want a night alone pampering myself.
Thanks for all the great ideas. If I wasn't over 1,000 miles away I would go spend a weekend with her.
I'm going through something extremely similar to you. My BFF's husband just left her for a 24 year old he's been seeing for a year and a half :( He got together with her while my friend was pregnant with baby #2. She's devestated, of course, and I'm doing all I can do help her out. He's already taken everything out of the house and has overdrawn their bank account. Along with shovel, you might want to include a pair of scissors, you know, just to scare the man
Anyway, what I'm doing for my friend is getting a bunch of pictures of her, her kids, and all of her friends together and putting them in picture frames for her. I'm doing all sizes and the frames will go on both her counter tops and her wall. She needs to be surrounded by people who care about her, and what better way to tell the soon to be ex that he's definitely not part of the picture anymore (no pun intended).
I know your friend will make it though! She's very lucky to have you in her life
I found the cutest little shovel ornament last night at target. At least thats a little cheaper to mail. I found the 1st wives club dvd and got her some bath and body stuff. Got her Japanese cherry blossum stuff. I included some tea bags and sf chocolate. My other friend in my home town is going to check on some classes for her. And the other one who happens to be an RN is working on getting her an appointment for a full std work up. I can't be with her in person for a while. But we are going to shoot for a get away in April her birthday month. We have her brother involved to help with babysitting her kiddos.
Thanks for your great ideas. Oh and I forgot I made up a bunch of cards and my goal is to mail one a week.
Most of all make her VERY SPECIAL "friend" theme card or a "i am thinking of you" card. Let her know that you are always there to listen if she wants to talk/vent.
In light of recent events I would say a good golf club is in order...
Mine did not leave at Christmas but he did leave me on Mother's Day with a 6 week old infant. It is the pits anytime but Christmas the first year is hard. The greatest gifts he gave me that year was the 40 pound weight loss from grief and to get out of my life. Of course I did not realize that for years!
Spa stuff and a good bottle of wine would be what I wanted back then.
And since you said she has a sense of humor, a card that says congratulations on losing that 200 lbs of ugly fat, with a picture of him on the inside.
Ann
Oh this is perfect! ROFL!!!
This entire thread is really heartbreaking to read that so many of you have been treated so badly by the men who were supposed to act like men and love you the way that they should; not like selfish, insensitive, abusive creeps.
I have a friend in our book club who is having terrible trouble (unrelated to your friend's kind of trouble, but trouble nonetheless). Each week, Shirley gets a card from one of us in our little group (there are six of us). We've been doing this for almost three years, and she often tells us how meaningful it is to her.
My point is that she needs to be in touch with her friends for support and comfort. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just a little card or a phone call. And it won't be all better in a little bit of time; it takes a while. But that's what friends are for, to be there for the long haul when the ones who've promised to love and cherish forever decide it's not so fun anymore.
I did a lot of crossword puzzles during that time. Hard enough to keep my mind engaged on something else, but didn't have to really pay attention to it like when you're reading. (And I read a lot; just couldn't during that point.) If she has a land line phone, send a phone card. Expenses get tight and having that lifeline is important. Thank goodness for my friends that I could call day and night - and I did! Lavendar linen spray - it's supposed to be soothing and relaxing. A gift certificate for a new hair do. New life - new look!
Help for a friend going through marriage trouble
