Splitcoaststampers.com - the world's #1 papercrafting community
You're currently viewing Splitcoaststampers as a GUEST. We pride ourselves on being great hosts, but guests have limited access to some of our incredible artwork, our lively forums and other super cool features of the site! You can join our incredible papercrafting community at NO COST. So what are you waiting for?
I think when you give something/do something nice for someone, you should never expect a thank-you or anything else in return. Do it for the joy of doing it, period.
A thankyou would be nice (and very good manners), but that's not why you are giving things to these people. You do it to be nice and to feel good, not to recieve praise. Right? So just know that you have undoubtedly made some people very happy and find the reward in that.
People just don't have the good manners they used to. Your acts of kindness won't change decades of declining manners. But like I said, NEVER give a gift with the expectation of thanks. It takes something from the meaning of the gift, and makes you feel crummy too.
((hugs)) You did some very nice things for people.
__________________ The only difference between try and triumph is a little umph.
I know that this might not help you understand why people are the way they are, but I thank you for being so kind and generous.
Everybody can be great...because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
You seem to have that heart full of grace, a soul generated by love. This is why you do what you do. I do not know your religous background, but I have to say GOD KNOWS WHERE YOUR HEART IS, AND THEY WILL HAVE TO ANSWER TO HIM.
A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.
"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."
I am so sorry for lack of appreciation. I think it is pretty sad that we are living in a time when a quick "Thank you", or note takes too much time to send. I'm like you in that I am a bit old fashioned too. I like to send thank you's and when my kids were younger I made them send thank you's too. It's too bad not every one appreciates when someone does something nice.
This may not be the case, but maybe at least one of the ladies "thought" she thanked you. An example, I received a birthday surprise from someone, and as I sent them an e-mail yesterday, I said to myself, "Did I thank them for it? Surely I did? Darn, I can't remember! I may just have to tell her that I can't remember if I thanked her and say THANKS again!" I know that sounds kind of lame, but my life is in such a whirlwind that I can't remember. I most certainly meant to thank her, KWIM? So maybe at least one of these ladies that you were so generous with actually thinks she sent you thank you. Just a thought....
This has happened to me more than once. I may be in the middle of an email, get interrupted, then someone else jumps on the computer and it gets shut down before I had a chance to finish and send it. Now in my mind, I sent it
:( though I did not. Or have gotten sick right after receiving something and just plain forgot I had not sent a thank you. I have sent more than a few "I can't remember if I thanked you, if not, thank you" emails too. :oops:
Quote:
Miss Manners says that it is appropriate to send a wedding thank you up to one year after the wedding date... something about giving the newlyweds time to adjust to married life...
WOW, one year!!! It take alot less time than that for me to forget I even gave them something. I have to admit I more easily forget that I gave something than to send a thank you. I guess after one year it would be a pleasant surprise to receive a thank you for something you had already forgotten about.
Quote:
I think when you give something/do something nice for someone, you should never expect a thank-you or anything else in return. Do it for the joy of doing it, period.
While this is very true, I did not see the OP seeking something in return. It appeared to me that she was just looking for acknowedgement of receipt. If I spent time and money to send a ROAK to someone, I want to make sure they received it. I purchase insurance for just about every package I send, since I noticed USPS seems to take better care when I do. I have not yet had to use the insurance, though, before doing this I have had packages "lost" in the mail. So if a person did not receive their package I would want to know. That way I can get the insurance, and resend the product. The OP was not asking to have the person publicly thank her so she could be praised. I personally do not think that expecting a simple acknowlegement is asking for praise.
Quote:
I had this same thing happen. I sent a set to someone, and never heard back so I pm'd them to see if they got it. They had, but had not taken the time to pm me back.
This is what I do for the reason stated above. I always feel intrusive doing so, though. I would much rather not have to do it.
While this is very true, I did not see the OP seeking something in return. It appeared to me that she was just looking for acknowedgement of receipt. If I spent time and money to send a ROAK to someone, I want to make sure they received it. I purchase insurance for just about every package I send, since I noticed USPS seems to take better care when I do. I have not yet had to use the insurance, though, before doing this I have had packages "lost" in the mail. So if a person did not receive their package I would want to know. That way I can get the insurance, and resend the product. The OP was not asking to have the person publicly thank her so she could be praised. I personally do not think that expecting a simple acknowlegement is asking for praise.
.
I did not mean to suggest that she was publicly seeking praise. *oops* I just meant to say that the joy of the giving should be in the actual giving.
I think it is terribly inconsiderate for these people not to say thanks or even acknowledge that someone has done something nice for them. But manners are bad these days, and it's best to keep that in mind.
Knowing you have done something nice for someone is a joy and reward in and of itself. So don't let other peoples bad manners take away from the joy you recieve when giving something.
__________________ The only difference between try and triumph is a little umph.
Pam, had it been me, I would have PMed the people to see if they had received the stamps that I had sent.
"Hey, so and so, did you receive the stamp set that I sent to you? I hadn't received a thank you or even an acknolegement that you got it, so I was worried that it had not arrived..."
Hopefully, that would make them think twice about being RUDE.
Stupid rude people suck.
__________________ Aubrey
There are 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.
I think when you give something/do something nice for someone, you should never expect a thank-you or anything else in return. Do it for the joy of doing it, period.
A thankyou would be nice (and very good manners), but that's not why you are giving things to these people. You do it to be nice and to feel good, not to recieve praise. Right? So just know that you have undoubtedly made some people very happy and find the reward in that.
People just don't have the good manners they used to. Your acts of kindness won't change decades of declining manners. But like I said, NEVER give a gift with the expectation of thanks. It takes something from the meaning of the gift, and makes you feel crummy too.
((hugs)) You did some very nice things for people.
I totally disagree.
How about you give me something and I'll be an *** that doesn't say thank you?
That is just not right.
__________________ Aubrey
There are 3 types of people in the world. Those that can count and those that can't.
Sore topic with me! I think it costs nothing but a bit of effort to say thank-you, I think a little courtesy goes a long way and I think DEFINITELY when you receive something in the post you should acknowledge it promptly. I post stuff from Ireland to my half-sis in MA, and short of ringing to ask has it arrived, there's no way of knowing. She lets her son take up to 6 months to say thanks for his birthday presents - and surely she was brought up like me to say thanks! I still remember Canadian ZIP codes from writing to my great-aunts there 35 years ago.
Last year I sent some paper to somebody who wanted it for their wedding invites, but the manufacturer had discontinued it. She offered something in return, and I said I would be happy with just a card. After 2 months I contacted her by PM to see had it arrived, and it had, - but I am still waiting for my card 6 months after that. Well, not waiting, I gave up long ago.
My reluctant conclusion is that not everyone thinks saying thanks matters.
Or they think to themselves that they'll do it later and then they forget - being charitable here!
But I think what goes around comes around, and you will have your own reward for your generosity. I hope so!
It takes all kinds of people to make a world! Take pride in the fact that your mother raised you right and you are a better person for it. The kindness you have shown is absolutely incredible and what goes around comes around. That is probably why you yourself have received such wonderful gifts.
Some people just don't get it.....it's a sad thing. What scares me to no end is ACCIDENTLY forgetting to thank someone!!! We all get so busy that stuff falls through the cracks and it breaks my heart to think that I would ever ACCIDENTLY make someone feel like you feel and have summarized for us on your thread!!!
Don't change...don't be down about other's rudeness just keep being the wonderful person you are!
The people on this site are amazing - and it sounds as if you top the list. I would also be disappointed if I were in your position. I always send thank you notes - for everything. I rarely get them - I think it is becoming kind of an old fashioned notion. Sad.
Oh Pam, reading your story brought a tear to my eye. (((hugs))) You have a kind soul and yes, you should have received a thank you from these people for your generosity. If not a card (which would be appropriate) then at least a private message on SCS. Your reward will be great one day-don't lose your kind-heart-you will reap your reward.
I cannot believe that no one sent you a thank you. It's just sad! I mean, we're card makers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Send a thank you!!!!!! I think that people like you are a rarity these days so I will thank you for being so kind and giving!
I agree with what is said here, my goodness, it sure isn't to much to ask a stamper to make a card!! I can't believe your generosity went unappreciated!
Unfortunately, Pam, you have joined the world of giving-without-ever-knowing-if-your-"gift"-was-received. I, too, don't want praise, just want to know that the PO is doing its job. Keep up your spirit and generosity; you are a very fine person and SCS is lucky to have you as a member.
Just wanted to say to the people who might owe a thank you to the OP...you certainly don't have to "fess up" on this forum or post on here one way or the other but if you are reading this thread, it's never too late to say thank you. Don't be afraid to do the right thing even if reading all these posts might make you feel a bit bad. Pop a card in the mail today or send a PM to the OP and just apologize for the lateness of your thank you. You'll feel better and so will the OP...whether the reason for forgetting to say thank you was a great one or a lame one, a heartfelt thank you will never be out of date.
I am horrified reading this!!
Common courtesy has passed away.
In our stamping circle, we love to give each other 'stuff'. Stamping Friends in Myrtle Beach, Rochester and Florida post goodies to us in Canada all the time. We do likewise. There's never been a problem. That said, large packages are not wise. As customs on both sides hold them for whatever reasons - probably deciding whether to charge duty etc. :O(
BUT - there is NO EXCUSE for rudeness. The world is a better place for generous, thoughtful people. My heartfelt thank you to all who practice this.
Anonymous acts of kindness are just that......an act of kindness from one's heart. Mailing out things of value; giving because you can etc, calls for acknowledgement.
A simple thank you is all it takes.
Sorry to be so long winded. This has really cranked me up!!!
It is hard to understand why a person cannot jot down a few words to show their appreciation for a gift received. Or even pick up the phone and call and say thanks. I have made my children send thank you notes since they were little. Sometimes we made phone calls but at least they acknowledged their gift and said a big THANK YOU!
Pam, you are special person with a huge heart. People like you are far and few between.
Pam, It sounds like you have a huge generous heart! I am so sorry that you have been giving so freely with no response at all! It all goes back to the good manners you were taught! I guess others weren't so lucky!
Like most other people, I think a thank-you is not to much to ask of someone who has been blessed the way you blessed these folks. If it had only been one person I might have suggested that maybe they didn't know who had sent the items or threw away the package without noting the return address (if they were going to send a thank-you note) and/or didn't know your SCS username (if they were going to send you a thank-you PM). I'm afraid that is far more likely that some people just aren't taught to be grateful. (Just ask the WRAK and DSS monitors who constantly have to remind people of the requirement to post thank-you's!)
It's sad statement that our society in general is becoming less and less polite. The best we can do is raise our kids to be polite and hope that they will pass it on. However, despite the best attempts, even that doesn't always help. I know parents who are really hurt and disappointed because they taught their children to say thank-you and acknoweldge gifts but their own grandchildren frequently do not (I hate to use an absolute like never) acknowledge gifts so clearly the children didn't pass that on to grandchildren.
While I don't think that wanting a thank you is asking too much, I don't think you should expect it.
When you give, whether here on SCS or anywhere in life you do it for yourself not others. Yes, you were being more than generous to give something to someone you knew couldn't afford it or just plain wanted it. But that giving should be the reason you do it. And if you get a thank you then it's a bonus, if you don't then you can't dwell on it.
Now I have sold on here as well and did not receive thank you's or notices to let me know the items arrived. I simply took it as no news is good news, if there was a problem then they would let me know. But I have always let the person I have bought from that I received my package. Different people handle situations differently, that's ok.
And for all the people on here that are jumping on these people because "We are stampers" then please throw rubber at me, and take away my copics. My youngest daughters birthday was at the end of November, but I have STILL not sent out cards with her pictures. I have STILL not sent out "thank you's" from Christmas. And my oldest daughter's birthday was a month ago, and you guessed it......no cards. Of course, everyone who had given a present was thanked in person..........but no cards.
I'm just trying to say that as much as you want a thank you, you aren't guaranteed to hear it. As much as that may hurt it will still happen. My own sister is the most unappreciative person when it comes to my cards, or handmade items. I know that when I give them to her I won't hear a thank you, but I do it anyway because I want to give them.
And quite possibly if the people that you are giving free sets to can't afford them in the first place then maybe their lives are much more chaotic then you can imagine. I know personally since Christmas I have been in the hospital almost as much as out of the hospital.
THANK YOU for being generous and kind, it is a blessing to have that in your heart.
Can I put another spin on this? I read quite a few of the replies (not all, I admit), and I'm heartened to read that a number of us force our children to write notes (I loved the poster who withholds food!). The reason this is important to me is - I'm a manager in a professional setting. I am currently interviewing people for an entry-level position in my department. After 6 interviews with different people, guess how many sent a thank you note? One. Out of six. Guess which one is getting the job offer?
It's beyond important to teach our children how to function in a civilized world. It could mean the difference between getting ahead, and getting left out. Good for you - all of you who believe in the importance of Thank You's!
Wow - let me just say thank you for paying it forward and thinking of others. There are just not too many people like you left in the world. I don't blame you for being disappointed but don't let it get you down. It is done now and too late to change anything. Just make a teeny mental note in case those names come up again and let the rest go - life is toooooo short!
Thank you again for being a kind being - we need more like you around!
Bless your heart. Please PM your address. I would like to send you a thank you card. I too, feel that thank you's are a very important thing. It's frustrating when you are excited and do something nice for someone out of the blue and never even know if they received it.
Pam - This is a situation that has had me scratching my head for years. The art of the "thank you" seems to have simply gone out the window over the past few years. I, too, was raised by sending out thank you notes for every gift we received, etc. I have instilled this in my two boys and never let a gift go unacknowledged (admittedly, sometimes it takes me a little longer to get a thank you out, but it does go out nonetheless). However, my sisters (younger) were raised in the same household, with the same routine. I have NEVER received a thank you from either of them or their children for the many, many gifts we've given over the years. My grandmother is deeply offended by this, but nothing has changed.
Don't want to make anyone mad, but I can understand someone not sending a thank you. When I am talking to the seller and I make a deal, I try to remember to say thank you then because my life is so hectic (and at times I'm scatterbrained) that I don't want to think I have forgotten to thank someone. When I pay by paypal I include a thank you in the message and by money order I include it in the letter. However, the majority of the time by the time I get home and check the mailbox it is after 10. So excited I rip open the packages to see my surprise and then hit the bed. I try to keep all PMs on my computer until the stamp set arrives and try to remember to PM that I have received the stamps within 24 hours and add another thank you. However, mistakes can be made. As for sending a thank you card I'd love to do that, but simpliy don't have the time. The only time I get to stamp is in a stamping class.(I'm still learning) Don't feel bad though. Unfortunately, my family doesn't get any yet. I teach and that always comes first. Once I retire ( no one believes I will after 40 years) but I will in about 11 more, I'll send thousands of thank yous, and thinking of you cards. I have a list I keep. Teaching comsumes my day and night. So if by chance I forgot to say thank you to anyone, then thank you from the bottom of my heart. Also, I posted an ISO looking for stamp sets and asking people to PM if they had them. Months later I got up with a seller who said she had heard that I didn't answer. That hurt because I try to answer all PM's. Emails I don't answer unless they id. themselves with the subject of the stamp because of virus. I also had over 2000 emails from SCS. I had to delete them without reading them. Anyway, I just realized that what probably happened was that someone sent me a post like I am sending now and I was suppose to read it . I didn't realize that.
sam
sam
Thank you's have seemed to go the way of the RSVP...just not as important to some people for some reason. I always say/send a thank you..and respond to the RSVP and I always make a mental note of those that do not.
You have been so thoughtful and generous that I feel so badly that you aren't getting the love back in return. I do have a small story to tell though.
Once I got a little unsolicited RAK from someone but I couldnt figure out where it came from. I am on a few message boards and a yahoo card exchange group too. I posted in a few places but no one ever came forward.
So, everyone, make sure you are signing with your username and what group you are from.
So, maybe a quick pm to them asking if they got the package might actually be helpful to them? I for one like helpful reminders
Pam, had it been me, I would have PMed the people to see if they had received the stamps that I had sent.
"Hey, so and so, did you receive the stamp set that I sent to you? I hadn't received a thank you or even an acknolegement that you got it, so I was worried that it had not arrived..."
Hopefully, that would make them think twice about being RUDE.
Stupid rude people suck.
I think this is a good idea. I probably wouldn't have mentioned that I did not receive a "thank you" but I would make sure that the package arrived.
I had this very situation this past Christmas. My son has been on a select lacrosse team for the past several years. This is very prestigious team and the coaches are all volunteer. The fact that he has been recruited to play college lacrosse is solely due to the exposure they have given him and the prestige of being on their roster. I wanted to thank the coaches in some way now that he is a Senior and his involvement was over, so I sent them each a very nice gift from Omaha Steaks. Well I never received any acknowledgement. I hemmed and hawed as to whether I should e-mail and see if they received it or would it look like I was looking for a thank-you. Well, about 6 weeks after I sent it, I had to e-mail one the coaches on another issue, so I decided to ask about the gift. He replied immediately that he never received the package and he absolutely would have thanked me if he had. I called Omaha Steaks and they sent it out again and this time it arrived.
I learned my lesson. I will always follow up on a package that has not been acknowledged.
In your case, it seems more likely that people were plain rude. However, you have been a kind and giving person so please let that be satisfaction enough for you.
Sharon
__________________ There is nothing so simple that I can't complicate it.
Update! I have heard from one of the recipients!!!!
I just needed to tell everyone here that I have heard from one of the gals that I sent the stamp set to! Yahoo! It got there safe and sound. This makes me so happy for it was a set in my permament collection that I never had any intent on getting rid of. So I was very worried that it had gotten lost. How do you spell RELIEF????? She is so happy to have it and now I feel the fun of sharing in her surprise. Neat huh? It is a happy day indeed! I just knew that my instints were right on and she was a great person. Did I mention how happy I am???
Thanks again to all for your support. I truly believe that this thread has served many of us well with the reminder that saying thank you is still important to most of us. Teach your children well and the best way to do that is by example.
I am off to do a dance throughout my day. It didn't get lost in the mail! Yippee!
Can I put another spin on this? I read quite a few of the replies (not all, I admit), and I'm heartened to read that a number of us force our children to write notes (I loved the poster who withholds food!). The reason this is important to me is - I'm a manager in a professional setting. I am currently interviewing people for an entry-level position in my department. After 6 interviews with different people, guess how many sent a thank you note? One. Out of six. Guess which one is getting the job offer?
It's beyond important to teach our children how to function in a civilized world. It could mean the difference between getting ahead, and getting left out. Good for you - all of you who believe in the importance of Thank You's!
I've never heard of sending a thank-you note for an interview! I thought that would be *polishing the apple* so to speak. Is this truly expected in order to be courteous after an interview? Color me ignorant!
Maybe we shouldn't "expect" a thank you when we do something just because we want to but that doesn't excuse the recipient from MAKING the time to send one - no excuse for bad manners as my mother would say...it is that important! Even my 2 yr old niece & her older brother send thank you's when they receive any kind of gift (no matter the size or if it was a 'just because'). When my dad passed away, I made all of my Thank You cards & had them mailed within a week of receiving the flowers/donations/etc. My mother gave me some to send out (of the pile she had) & checked in with me to see that I had taken care of them.
With shipping things around the country/world & with the computer we all spend a lot of time on, & we are all very busy, a quick email/pm shouldn't be a problem for anyone - but - if a person didn't develop the habit of sending thank you's when they had to be mailed, I doubt they will be any better at it with a computer at their fingertips.
Re - Interviews - Definitely!
I really hate to ask someone if they received my card, package, or whatever. It sounds like you are fishing for compliments or praise...which I am not. I would just like to know that they received whatever. Like you, I have given things to people who really wanted them and had to ask (sometimes more than once) if they received it. It is sad that manners seem to have fallen by the wayside. I'm sorry that you experienced this, but so glad that you did not let it change you from being the generous, caring person that you are.
I understand your frustration! I always expect people to treat me the way I treat them! This is a mistake I think we share. It has taken me a long time to realize this. Karma eventually catches up to people, don't let this spoil your kind and generous heart, for every ten people that will take things for granted,there is three that will always remember and truely appreciate what you do for them. Shame on the ones that don't! When I read your thread my heart went right out to you! It is people like you that make the world a nicer place to live in. I THANK YOU ON BEHALF OF THE SELFISH INGRATES OF THE WORLD!
Ohh
this touches a few strings.....
Yes, we do things withough expecing a thank you.
Yes a thank you would be polite
and YES.. the world is FULL of people without manners.
BUT.... without taking the time to say thank you.. those of us who like to give.. slowly run out of that karma ....sooo...
a simple email.. or post here..
Afterall, yes we make cards, those sometimes take *time*.. but we can spend the time to check here... for this that and the other... so why not take the time to say thank you too!!
It's the little things that matter... all around.
SO.. please count me in as one who Thanks you for all those who didn't.
I often get upset when I don't receive a thanks - whether it's letting someone in front of me in traffic, wedding gifts, etc. I've wondered why I let this upset me as these people are obviously not worth fretting over. And I'm sure part of the reason is the environment I grew up in. I was always trying to win approval - but that's my personal dilema! I think what it comes down to now, is that I'm tired of being taken for granted. Let's just assume that everyone's busy. Let's just assume that we're all stressed. If someone takes time from their busy life to gift you in some way, take the time to thank them. They're definetly worth it!
At the end of the day manners cost nothing and a thank you is not unreasonable.
I have been burnt in the past as far as members have joined somewhere I visit,shed a sob story, get what they can and then you never see them again.
Has itmade me think twice, YES, has it stopped me giving when I think it would be appreciated NO, will I bedisappointed yet again.....HELL YES.
