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Anyone remember my so called friend and her criticism?
Well, she sent an email tonight. I expect she saw that I dumped her on FB but I don't know how to block her emails. Here is what she wrote:
Didn't hear anything back from you since the e-mails. Sorry if my honest critique did not sit well.
FYI.... I am not responding. Who needs friends like her?
I do remember and although she has at least apologised, she's not exactly thought about it, has she - "my honest ciritique"? Hmm, myabe the apology would sound more sincere if she recognised that you were sharing your excitement, not asking for any kind of critique, "honest" or otherwise.
Sounds like you're ready to move on and leave it behind, good for you!
'Honest critique'? Why sugar coat it? She was being vicious and cruel. Anyone who takes pleasure at hurting others with 'honest critique' is not someone I would want to be friends with, FB or otherwise.
Good for you for not responding, and thanks for the update!
I was wondering too. Thank you so much for the update. She just sounds like she's only happy when she's making people miserable. She thinks she has a new target. Good for you for ignoring her. I know it was hard. I mean if you say something she will be all giddy. If you don't say anything she's all giddy. Not saying anything keeps your sanity and values. I always love this quote "Don't ever argue with an idiot. You lower yourself to their level."
You can make filters in your e-mail client to block her. For example if you use Gmail go to your settings. It looks like a little wrench at the top of the page. Click Filters. You will see a from, to, subject, has the words, doesn't have fields.
Just fill in those fields like the from add her e-mail address. Click create a filter and then you will get another box asking you what you want to do with the e-mail. You can't choose "Bounce it back to her with a bowling ball attached." Usually it's just trash or spam.
The settings should be about the same in any e-mail client you choose.
Good for you! Here's a quote that is applicable: "Silence is the best reply to a fool." Her so-called apology is in my opinion just as rude as her earlier comments. Who needs a person like that in their life?
'Honest critique'? Why sugar coat it? She was being vicious and cruel. Anyone who takes pleasure at hurting others with 'honest critique' is not someone I would want to be friends with, FB or otherwise.
Good for you for not responding, and thanks for the update!
Silence is golden. Misery loves company etc etc. I had a mean person write to me on my blog for no reason. It was the ONLY mean one, but it hurt. I blocked her from commenting. Life is short, enjoy the hobby and share with those who appreciate the time and effort.
Thanks for the update - gotta agree with the above posts. Silence is much better and shows what a good person you are.
thanks for updating us
I know the silence is golden thing - my Daddy used to tell me that alllll the time when I was in H.S. and getting bullied by mean boys. He kept telling me they would stop if I didn't respond. Well they never did. They kept up until the 11th grade when I had plastic surgery on my nose.
I've always wished I would have told them how much it hurt to have them relentlessly taunt me about my nose and about being 5' 10." I should have told them how I went home in tears most days. It might not have changed their behavior, but it would have made me feel better - empowered somehow to let them own it instead of me.
I still think you should let her know how mean you felt she was and that because of that you no longer wish to be friends with her.
You're doing exactly the right thing. It's clear now she knew what she was doing and did it anyway. It seems to me she needs a number of friends on Facebook for a reason. I sense an ulterior motive in her question.
I agree with all these other ladies. Especially cdjkssss: what this lady wrote was NOT an apology. She does not see that she did anything wrong, is not apologizing for doing anything wrong, she seems to be only BARELY sorry that her "honest critique" has hurt your feelings at all. The implication being there is nothing wrong with what she did but that you are somehow handling her "proper" actions incorrectly!
I was wondering too. Thank you so much for the update. She just sounds like she's only happy when she's making people miserable. She thinks she has a new target. Good for you for ignoring her. I know it was hard. I mean if you say something she will be all giddy. If you don't say anything she's all giddy. Not saying anything keeps your sanity and values. I always love this quote "Don't ever argue with an idiot. You lower yourself to their level."
You can make filters in your e-mail client to block her. For example if you use Gmail go to your settings. It looks like a little wrench at the top of the page. Click Filters. You will see a from, to, subject, has the words, doesn't have fields.
Just fill in those fields like the from add her e-mail address. Click create a filter and then you will get another box asking you what you want to do with the e-mail. You can't choose "Bounce it back to her with a bowling ball attached." Usually it's just trash or spam.
The settings should be about the same in any e-mail client you choose.
Someone needs to make that upgrade!
__________________ Denise
"If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron.�
― Spider Robinson
What your "friend" did was just plain mean, spiteful, hurtful and uncalled for. Now to offer a half-hearted "apology" for her so-called "honest critique" goes beyond any semblance of friendship. If you choose not to respond, good for you. She can't derive any further satisfaction from hurting you, and you can simply place her on "ignore" or "reject senders email to junk" (yes, that is an option on my email provider's system).
However, you may wish to consider responding to her, just to finalize the break cleanly, and to leave no uncertainty on her part. Something along the lines of:
When I sent you those pictures, I was quite proud of my efforts, as were the bride and groom, and many others. I was trying to share the excitement of the wedding with you, not asking you for your "honest critique". I am flabbergasted that you felt it necessary to dampen my spirits and my enthusiasm in such a wonderful event with your exceptionally cruel and hurtful words. What exactly did you think your comments were going to generate - grateful thanks that you find my work sub-standard according to your "crafting friends"? As far as I am concerned, you have done nothing but irreparably damage our friendship, to the extent that I no longer wish to be in contact with you. Enjoy your life.
Now of course, it may also help to just type this out in Word and then save the file without sending it. I find that sometimes just typing out a response such as this is soothing all on it's own.
I hope you are still proud of your work - it was beautiful, and hopefully great things come from the contact with the restaurant owner!
__________________ Elizabeth
---------------------------------------
Hand over the chocolate, and no one will get hurt!
I have been so entertained reading the responses from the women on this site. You have gotten some really awesome advice. But may I add....
1- Your ex-friend is mean. How did she think her critique would help, that you would turn back the clock and redo the items for the wedding that already happened.
2 - Your ex-friend is crazy. Those items looked very appropriate to me and classy too. And did I mention beautiful.
3 - Your ex-friend is jealous. She had to mention that she has friends who do papercrafting in her crafting circle. (I could not help but remember in Pride and Prejudice when that mean Lady Catherine says something like, "I would have been very accomplished at music if I had ever learned." duh)
4 - Your ex-friend is very unlucky. She has now lost a friend like you who would put so much work into her son and daughter-in-laws wedding. Your daughter-in-law is very lucky.
I would definitely answer her and tell her that you cannot accept an apology that isn't actually an apology. She realizes that what she said was hurtful. Otherwise, her wording would be different in the email she sent you. She knows why you unfriended her. She just doesn't want to apologize, because she obviously doesn't value your friendship. Answer her. Tell her just how you feel. Then block her from your emails, your mind, and your heart.
This was very well written, I would copy and paste this response, and then block her email! With permission from flash&rusty of course.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flash&rusty
What your "friend" did was just plain mean, spiteful, hurtful and uncalled for. Now to offer a half-hearted "apology" for her so-called "honest critique" goes beyond any semblance of friendship. If you choose not to respond, good for you. She can't derive any further satisfaction from hurting you, and you can simply place her on "ignore" or "reject senders email to junk" (yes, that is an option on my email provider's system).
However, you may wish to consider responding to her, just to finalize the break cleanly, and to leave no uncertainty on her part. Something along the lines of:
When I sent you those pictures, I was quite proud of my efforts, as were the bride and groom, and many others. I was trying to share the excitement of the wedding with you, not asking you for your "honest critique". I am flabbergasted that you felt it necessary to dampen my spirits and my enthusiasm in such a wonderful event with your exceptionally cruel and hurtful words. What exactly did you think your comments were going to generate - grateful thanks that you find my work sub-standard according to your "crafting friends"? As far as I am concerned, you have done nothing but irreparably damage our friendship, to the extent that I no longer wish to be in contact with you. Enjoy your life.
Now of course, it may also help to just type this out in Word and then save the file without sending it. I find that sometimes just typing out a response such as this is soothing all on it's own.
I hope you are still proud of your work - it was beautiful, and hopefully great things come from the contact with the restaurant owner!
Walk away, no response is necessary. There will be no closure. She will not get the outstanding response suggested to you to cut and paste and you will not feel any satisfaction. She will only take this as another opportunity to engage.
If you have an opportunity to pick up the latest issue of "MORE" magazine, there is an excellent article written by the "dumped friend". It sounds so similar to your situation (and mine). It will help you to understand her position...and therefore yours. She wants you and you're done, period.
Dear Westiemom,
I had not heard about your situation before this but could figure out generally what this former acquaintance said. Then i had to go and find your original thread. What a rude person. People never cease to amaze me. You have lots of great advice from your friends and supporters here at SCS. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it allows you to let go of this inaccurate critique of your work. I went and looked at your great creative pieces in your gallery and they are all FABULOUS! I would be proud to have this with my name attached to it and I know anyone everyone else feels the same way. Your former friend and her crafter friends do not have the monopoly on paper arts. In this great world of crafting the one rule I always try to remember is that there is no wrong. The second rule is that we always support fellow crafters in a positive way. Good luck to you and may your work continue to please everyone else. It sure is perty great!
Good for you! I don't think that woman deserves anymore of your time or thought. She sure wasn't thoughtful of you. Although, you've gotten good advice about how to respond if you do wish to make it clear to her how you feel. Thank you for the update.
__________________ *Alice* All science is either physics or stamp collecting. -Lord Kelvin
In her very toxic way she is acknowledging that her critique of your work was offensive. She knows that, but she is not apologizing for that, only trying to get you to engage her so she can jab you some more with insults.
If you don't wish to reply, skip to the blocking part of this paragraph. If you want closure enough to reply to her, email her a short, to-the-point reply. Something like this: "I was sharing my excitement for my son's wedding invitations being done and how my efforts were well received by the attendees. I was not seeking an insulting critique. Now that I know your true colors, I do not wish to be friends. Please do not contact me again." Then block her emails, block her phone calls, block her from your blog, and never look back. And one more thing: I would make sure to never read her correspondence, ever again. Her words are poison, and you don't need words like that rolling around in your head.
Maybe you should email her back with the link to this thread! Let her read what all of us think about her comments! Maybe that would open her eyes a bit wider.
NOOOOOOOO!!!! Can imagine letting such a person loose on our boards and galleries!!!!! (But yeah, I know what you mean in a this many people disagree with your "critique" sort of way)
LOL at her response. That is just laughable.
I don't know what email you have, but if it is Yahoo (I have yahoo), one quick option is to checkmark her email, and mark it "spam". It won't block her emails, but in the future, all her emails will go to your Spam folder and you will not see them in your Inbox.
Maybe you should email her back with the link to this thread! Let her read what all of us think about her comments! Maybe that would open her eyes a bit wider.
I was thinking the same thing too! And let her know that you don't accept her apology because its not a real, heartfelt apology. If she was truly sorry, she would be sorry for HER actions/words, NOT for your response to them. Its like the thief saying he's sorry he got caught, not that he committed the crime... She must be pretty jealous and insecure in her own crafting abilities that she has to bash your creativeness and ride of the coattails of her "friends in her crafting circle" (sounds like a bunch of bull and unwarranted conceit to me). I think everyone is right in that you need to dump this toxic person from your life. Who needs friends like that! - EXACTLY!
Good for you ignore any further email. And delete them and feel good that you're deleting the negative out of your life. You deserve real friends who support everything you do
Anyone remember my so called friend and her criticism?
