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I am one of those who always tries to see the good in just about everything people do and say...quite the defender at times when it comes to a lot of things. That being said, I tried and tried to figure out what your friend MIGHT have meant to say and I just can't come up with anything. Maybe she thinks that "bridal quality" means it has to be all lace and pearls - which is incorrect. I have friends that were married in blue jeans and cowboy boots! No lace anywhere! Maybe she thought that hand made = folksy? Also incorrect. I just don't get it. And to say JUST scrapbooking or however she put it...that gave me a kick I have to say! I have seen some layouts and just said "WOW! I wish I could make something that looks like that!!" I think it's safe to say that this person has not a clue in the world and should really learn to zip it.
__________________ "For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack" ~Rudyard Kipling my gallery
It is horrifying to me that a "friend" would say such things. Shame on her. I am so very sorry that anyone would say those words to you. (((HUGS))). What an incredibly hurtful experience for you.
First of all - everything is GORGEOUS!!!! I would copy it in a minute! Because I cannot come up with many ideas on my own. I really love the picture card! Such a cute idea.
Now, as for her comments. I can feel for you. I have (had) a friend who told me I was parenting wrong, my child was going to do drugs, run away from home, etc., etc. These are NOT friends. I think you got a lot of good advice here. I can't wait to see what you create next! You are doing beautiful work!
I'm sorry, but I think I'd start searching thrift shops for a paperback book on manners (Emily Post, etc.). Then I would send it to her with a note saying that I was very concerned that she might say something rude to someone else, and that someone would deck her. And then I'd cross her off my list of (friends?) & get on with my life. And on with my artistic endeavors. I'm assuming she has no taste whatsoever.
__________________ Keep what is worth keeping
and with the breath of kindness
blow the rest away.
Just another tuppence - I don't know what century the "friend" is in but most weddings I have attended in the last 15 years have spent very little (comparatively) on invitations and focussed their money on other parts of the wedding. Many are single enveloped and not engraved etc. Most brides realize that besides the wedding party many/most guest just can not keep every trinket etc of the bride's special day. Last wedding I attended, David Tutera would have proud and the invite was single layer and printed. That was it, no embossing, engraving, glitz, ribbons etc. I love it that wedding parties are putting their signature style on their day.
Thank you SO MUCH for all your kindness. Yesterday I was doing the pity party "I am going to sell all my stuff and quit this hobby" thing. You made me believe my work was good. You made me believe my "friend" is an idiot. I am done with her. I have not responded to her email and I took her off my facebook friend list. I put a distinctive ring to her number on my phone so I won't answer it. I don't need friends like her but I DO need friends like all of you! And I will not send her anything, esp. a link to this site. Who would want someone like that lurking around here?
You made me feel so much better. Thank you!
Your work IS good, glad you are not going to give up because of one supposed friend. Being a papercrafter and realising the work you put into everything, i think what you did was amazing and you should be proud of yourself, your abilities and your work. You are awesome!
Thank you SO MUCH for all your kindness. Yesterday I was doing the pity party "I am going to sell all my stuff and quit this hobby" thing. You made me believe my work was good. You made me believe my "friend" is an idiot. I am done with her. I have not responded to her email and I took her off my facebook friend list. I put a distinctive ring to her number on my phone so I won't answer it. I don't need friends like her but I DO need friends like all of you! And I will not send her anything, esp. a link to this site. Who would want someone like that lurking around here?
You made me feel so much better. Thank you!
Good for you! This is absolutely the best answer. Just cut her off. Let her wonder what happened, because people like that never understand how their words or actions harm others.
__________________ aka Sue. Or Sue-odd.
No blog for me. My gallery chronicles my card-making successes and mishaps.
Wow! She couldn't be more of a HATER if she tried!
First of all, since you didn't ask for feedback she really should have kept those comments to herself.
Second of all who the heck made her the high priestiess of what is good or "bridal"? People who make UNSOLICITED comments like that are just trying to console themselves for the fact that they themselves have NO TALENT.
The fact that the restaurant owner wants to work with you on other projects says WAY more about the quality of your work than what your "frenemy" said.
I remember looking at the photos when you first posted them and thinking how lucky your family was that you made such lovely things for the wedding and rehearsal dinner.
Your friend is not a friend - a friend would never say such hurtful things. If she didn't like them, she should just thanked you for sending her the pictures and not made all those nasty comments. You don't need friends like that!
The fact that your family liked them and the restaurant owner wants you to make items for him is what's important. Don't let her get you down - your work is great!
The photo folders were a nice touch, and the candy tins outstanding. Does this friend have any hobby? Does she know the hours, and work that go into all that you did? Probably not. I am in the medical field, and deal with the general public a lot. Criticism is nothing but one persons opinion, and opinions are like "certain anatomical features", everyone has got one.
Most of the people here are saying write this person off, but I would send her gorgeous cards for every occasion. Just because I could.
__________________ Patrice. Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
With friends like that who needs enemies? Loved your work. The best part is it came from the heart. Anyone can go out and buy all this stuff, but not everyone can make them. I have a lot of friends, and not one of them would ever treat me like that. I do know one or two people, though, who think I am saving loads of money by making my own cards! LOL
I would be very, very hurt too. I once spent hours designing my SIL's wedding invitations which were eventually rejected by the Mother of the Groom in favour of some really grim mass produced, zero personalisation numbers. It really had an impact in terms of my confidence & enjoyment. But, some people would rather follow the herd and do exactly what everyone else does. That's fine, but I'd rather stand out and follow my own path!
The message I would WANT to send back would be something along these lines:
1. " cute and folksy but just no sparkle. " Your friendship has, on occasion, been cute and folksy, but you are actually a total cow.
2. " In some of my crafting circles there are people who do papercrafting. Their work is amazing in terms of color,texture,and depth. Yours just looks like scrapbooking. " In some of my friendship groups, there are people who are real friends. They are supportive, encouraging and can criticise without taking a hatchet to my feelings. Your "friendship" is the opposite.
3. " Hope you don't mind the honesty but this does not have the "bridal" quality. "
Hope you don't mind the honest but you don't have the "tact" quality.
4. "I know how you enjoy this type of thing... keep working with it!" I know you think you're offering useful advice.... keep working at it. Perhaps one day you'll get the whole friendship idea.
However I'd never do it, because then I'd be stooping to her level and that would upset me more than the original comments.
__________________ Bexx Pyne - Independent Stampin' Up Demonstrator My SU! Site My Blog
I would be very, very hurt too. I once spent hours designing my SIL's wedding invitations which were eventually rejected by the Mother of the Groom in favour of some really grim mass produced, zero personalisation numbers. It really had an impact in terms of my confidence & enjoyment. But, some people would rather follow the herd and do exactly what everyone else does. That's fine, but I'd rather stand out and follow my own path!
The message I would WANT to send back would be something along these lines:
1. " cute and folksy but just no sparkle. " Your friendship has, on occasion, been cute and folksy, but you are actually a total cow.
2. " In some of my crafting circles there are people who do papercrafting. Their work is amazing in terms of color,texture,and depth. Yours just looks like scrapbooking. " In some of my friendship groups, there are people who are real friends. They are supportive, encouraging and can criticise without taking a hatchet to my feelings. Your "friendship" is the opposite.
3. " Hope you don't mind the honesty but this does not have the "bridal" quality. "
Hope you don't mind the honest but you don't have the "tact" quality.
4. "I know how you enjoy this type of thing... keep working with it!" I know you think you're offering useful advice.... keep working at it. Perhaps one day you'll get the whole friendship idea.
However I'd never do it, because then I'd be stooping to her level and that would upset me more than the original comments.
When I read your response to # 1 it was a true LOL moment! Don't we wish sometimes we could stoop to their level?
so glad you decided to not have anything further to do with this rude woman. She surely wasn't a friend.
I looked at your pics and thought you did an awesome job. That is a lot of work. I cannot believe that some who is supposed to be a good friend would be so critical. She obviously doesn't kno what she is talking about. Your family had to have loved all the "love" you put into all your ideas. Dont' listed to her crap, and don't stop crafting just because someone else is stupid. It all looks great.
I am one of those who always tries to see the good in just about everything people do and say...quite the defender at times when it comes to a lot of things. That being said, I tried and tried to figure out what your friend MIGHT have meant to say and I just can't come up with anything. Maybe she thinks that "bridal quality" means it has to be all lace and pearls - which is incorrect. I have friends that were married in blue jeans and cowboy boots! No lace anywhere! Maybe she thought that hand made = folksy? Also incorrect. I just don't get it. And to say JUST scrapbooking or however she put it...that gave me a kick I have to say! I have seen some layouts and just said "WOW! I wish I could make something that looks like that!!" I think it's safe to say that this person has not a clue in the world and should really learn to zip it.
Yeah, me neither. I tried and tried. All I could think of was "did she not see the sparkling blue paper??" Also, maybe if she was the kind of person who absolutely adores cute and folksy stuff, then I'd cut her some slack. But in this case it seems that she rather looks down on "cute and folksy".
Anyway, very glad to read that you're just going to leave her be. Time is valuable and limited, and I wouldn't waste any more on her.
I am floored by all those lovely tins you made. 720 wrapped chocolates!! I can't even imagine all the hours you must've put into all the projects!!!
I thought of this post today. My Mom has a friend she writes to constantly. I think they have been friends for over fifty years now. My Mom treats this woman like your friend did you. My Mom was telling me about the letter she sent to her friend recently.
My Mom's friend takes old cards she receives in the mail and writes her letters on the back of them. You know that old frugal trick. A lot of people do this. Recently she sent my Mom a full card. My Mom wrote her friend to thank her for the card. My Mom said
"Thank you for sending me a full card since your always too cheap and write your notes on old cards that were sent to you."
Her friend wrote back calling my Mom a know it all.
Recently my Mom found me a beat up old book falling apart of Madonnas. Not Madonna, lol. I think there are ten pages in this book. It's beat up, water damage and not worth anything. I plan to use the book for pretty ephemera.
My Mom tells her friend she buys me this old antique book that is 103 years old. It's full of vintage Madonna's. Well, my Mom's friend writes back those books are given out at the Catholic church all the time.
Well my Mom writes back "Oh no! This book is huge. It has thousands of painting of Madonna's. DeeAnn went on Ebay and looked up the price. It's worth thousands of dollars!" "Everyone on Ebay is making her an offer!"
Now, if your jaw didn't drop on the floor like mine did this is good. I lost it. I really lost it with my Mom. You know what my Mom did she justified her actions. It's ok to lie about me, her own daughter, so she can tick off her friend.
A lot of you might think this is some silly old lady fight. Nope, this happens all the time with my Mom. She does what westiemom just went through with her friend. I could share some criticism that makes your toes curl.
westiemom- I wanted to share this story with you because I just wanted to let you know these people never change and they just keep upping it. Like I said in an earlier post they smile when they get a reaction out of you.
The only reason I went over to my Mom's today was too tell her that our cat passed away. We know some people that were in the Aurora shooting and were hurt. Expected to make a full recovery even though one will require several surgeries.
I am tempted to send my Mom's friend my 1000 page worth thousands of dollar book.
I am a little late to the "Party". But wanted to add my 2 cents. When I get married will you make my invites and party favors? Or can I CASE (not changing anything, but keeping them totally as is) yours??? They are Fabulous!! A big 'ole raspberry to the troll who critisized your works of art!! :p
First I must say I agree with everyone this person is not a friend. And as I tell my children if your friends are not nice to you, you really don't have to be friends with them anymore. It was something I learned way too late in life.
Second I checked out your gallery and I think I would reply - "I'm sorry you didn't like my work but the bride and groom were going for Classy & Elegant not Tacky & Overdone."
Because your work is just that Classy & Elegant which I'm sure the venue was as well and is why they are asking you to work with them.....
I'm sorry but your friend's comments were beyond dumb, and clearly she has other issues. Your work is excellent, and you were asked to do more! That's what counts. Even so how can someone say what is "sparkle" and "bridal" without taking into account the tastes of the people for whom the work was made? That's like saying, "I don't like the Mona Lisa because she's not wearing my favorite style crop pants."
Thank you SO MUCH for all your kindness. Yesterday I was doing the pity party "I am going to sell all my stuff and quit this hobby" thing. You made me believe my work was good. You made me believe my "friend" is an idiot. I am done with her. I have not responded to her email and I took her off my facebook friend list. I put a distinctive ring to her number on my phone so I won't answer it. I don't need friends like her but I DO need friends like all of you! And I will not send her anything, esp. a link to this site. Who would want someone like that lurking around here?
You made me feel so much better. Thank you!
I have some advice for you that others may not agree with. By avoiding your "friend" you will never have closure, and this sadness and betrayal will fester inside your heart for a long, long time. My advice is to take some time and compose an email back to her that honestly and assertively tells her how you feel. I think she needs to be called out for her horrific words, but more than anything, doing this may give you back a feeling of power which is so important.
Your work is simply beautiful. I really mean that, and this person behaved abominably.
((((((HUG))))))
Alicia
__________________ Alicia
Those cuties in my avatar are my 3 youngest kids: Taylor, Allison and Nick
The message I would WANT to send back would be something along these lines:
1. " cute and folksy but just no sparkle. "
Your friendship has, on occasion, been cute and folksy, but you are actually a total cow.
2. " In some of my crafting circles there are people who do papercrafting. Their work is amazing in terms of color,texture,and depth. Yours just looks like scrapbooking. "
In some of my friendship groups, there are people who are real friends. They are supportive, encouraging and can criticise without taking a hatchet to my feelings. Your "friendship" is the opposite.
3. " Hope you don't mind the honesty but this does not have the "bridal" quality. "
Hope you don't mind the honest but you don't have the "tact" quality.
4. "I know how you enjoy this type of thing... keep working with it!"
I know you think you're offering useful advice.... keep working at it. Perhaps one day you'll get the whole friendship idea.
Wow... she is something else! This would hurt me so bad as well. She's not worth letting her words ruin a beautiful wedding. She truly is no friend. Go make some money with working for the restaurant! How cool is that?!! Congrats on such a wonderful offer.
Ok, first your work is absolutely beautiful, everything so skillfully made! Maybe she was looking for a little glitter? That's the only thing I would guess only because I glitter the heck out of everything (I'm the chick in the scrapbook store with glitter on my forehead...I know you've seen me...lol) and that could be HER idea of sparkle... in any case, how hurtful...it does "cut to the bone"... my dad told me my cards looked "hand made"...with that tone, you know the one... they (him and his wife) no longer get handmade, time sucking projects from me, hallmark is what they get... my mom on the other hand covets each card...so she gets the best of the best! Don't let that clown get you down, lovely projects... find a new friend!
I have some advice for you that others may not agree with. By avoiding your "friend" you will never have closure, and this sadness and betrayal will fester inside your heart for a long, long time. My advice is to take some time and compose an email back to her that honestly and assertively tells her how you feel. I think she needs to be called out for her horrific words, but more than anything, doing this may give you back a feeling of power which is so important.
Your work is simply beautiful. I really mean that, and this person behaved abominably.
((((((HUG))))))
Alicia
I was one of the girls that said "Drop her!" I do agree with what your saying. I recently had to do that with a friend. She was my best girlfriend since we were fourteen. She seems to always be competing with me. Her son is better than mine. Who does that? Who compares their children to each other. First I thought she had the I am a little too proud of my child syndrome. I let it slide.
It was just little things that started to get out of hand. Then I caught her in lies. I have quirky life that leaves people scratching their heads about me. I know this. That's cool with me. I get it. I would be scratching my head too. I don't lie. My DH & I loathe, detest and hate liars. We grew up with them.
I tried to drop her. I felt that same way. I had a lot of bottled up resentment. Then I felt bad. Maybe she is going through a hard time and feels bad about herself. I am going to be a supportive friend. Then she kept doing it over and over again all these little digs.
I did something I never thought I would do. I started being a "mean girl" to her. I felt really bad about myself doing that. I don't do those things at all.
I finally went off on her. I did feel like exactly what you wrote I got some of my power back. She writes back to me this big bawl baby letter begging forgiveness. I let it set for a week while I tried to figure out how to handle it. I finally deleted it and wrote her out of my life. I said my peace to her. I know if I let her in again and be the nice girl I am giving her power to make digs.
I have a terrible habit of letting myself get bullied. I am forty years old. I should know better.
I have some advice for you that others may not agree with. By avoiding your "friend" you will never have closure, and this sadness and betrayal will fester inside your heart for a long, long time. My advice is to take some time and compose an email back to her that honestly and assertively tells her how you feel. I think she needs to be called out for her horrific words, but more than anything, doing this may give you back a feeling of power which is so important.
Your work is simply beautiful. I really mean that, and this person behaved abominably.
((((((HUG))))))
Alicia
It's a question here of value. If you'll miss this friendship, if this is a substantial relationship, I agree with Alicia. It's worth it then to find out what happened to make her so hostile. If your friendship is more superficial, if she's not someone you'll miss, then I think you did the right thing. The ball should be in her court to find out what happened, and you should let her initiate the next contact.
I have some advice for you that others may not agree with. By avoiding your "friend" you will never have closure, and this sadness and betrayal will fester inside your heart for a long, long time. My advice is to take some time and compose an email back to her that honestly and assertively tells her how you feel. I think she needs to be called out for her horrific words, but more than anything, doing this may give you back a feeling of power which is so important.
Your work is simply beautiful. I really mean that, and this person behaved abominably.
((((((HUG))))))
Alicia
It's a good suggestion. It really depends on the situation. In mine, I just wanted to cut ties and not make a big deal about it. The "friend" is in my circle of friends and I just didn't want any drama. It was easy to do because she moved farther away, got a new job, then had a baby. So seeing each other became inconvenient. It also made me realize that I was always the one to initiate contact.
When I last ran into her at a party, I was cordial.
I didn't need closure. I just wanted to free myself from the toxicity she caused.
__________________ aka Sue. Or Sue-odd.
No blog for me. My gallery chronicles my card-making successes and mishaps.
Good for you for not giving that woman any more of your time. Your work is super nice and looks so well done! Good for you on the offer from the restaurant!
BTW, when I first read this, I did not think "cow," though I agree it fits. I thought of another word that starts with a B, and I like the other letters suggested too by another poster...U and F, not necessarily in that order.
__________________ *Alice* All science is either physics or stamp collecting. -Lord Kelvin
I checked out your gallery after reading your friends comment....not sure what she meant by "folksy" and "scrapbooking" ....but, I'd have to disagree with her! I'd say hats off...well done, I'd call your creations "classy" and filing them away for ideas for my kid's future!
Your projects are wonderful! You should be very proud of yourself. I'm sure your son is proud of you for using your talents to enhance his wedding. Forget this "friend's" comment. You have many real friends here. Happy Stampin'!!
Wow! The fact that you sent a friend states away all the pictures makes me think that she's a "good" friend of yours but her words certainly don't reflect that! Ok so maybe she didn't really like what you made but I don't think this was the time to mention that or the way to do it. For handmade items I always feel that if you don't like the final product you should at the least appreciate the effort that went into making it. I think criticism if it's not constructive criticism is worthless.
Opinions are like *****holes, everyone has one and most of them stink. HAHAHAHAH!!!!
I'm sure your work was gorgeous and I'm sure your family loved it. Everyone has a different opinion and idea of what they like. Some like cutesy, some like funky, some like steampunk... it's all in perspective.
Your friend was giving "Her" opinion. Doesn't mean it was the right one.
Do I detect a little 'green-eyed monster' lurking in the shadows? She really isn't your best friend and quite frankly she's more than a little nasty. Definitely a candidate for the 'Dollar store card list'. The work you did for your son's wedding was fabulous and obviously someone who counts at the restaurant likes it too. Go for it and ignore the sourpuss.
