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My mother's funeral was Monday and I have thank you notes to write. Do I need to send thank you's to people who sent cards only? I'm in a quandary over this. What do you think? I would really like to make my own cards rather than use those furnished by the funeral home. Anyone have simple, yet elegant, ideas they would like to share with me. Mom has joined her husband and is in the arms her Saviour.
In my opinion, yes. I have always sent a "thank you" for any kind of sympathy card/letter/flowers/donations etc. My thank you cards are simple - a leaf stamp with "thank you" or a simple flower - I have a violet stamp which works well. I am sorry for your loss.
Please accept my sympathy in the loss of your Mom. It is a blessing to know that those who go before us are with God!
I am certainly no etiquette expert, but having been in the position that you're in (writing thank you notes) too many times the etiquette books that I researched to be sure I did this correctly state that thank you notes do not need to be sent for cards only. That seems very practical, too, as I don't expect a thank you note for a card. I have sent thank-you's for food being brought by, flowers, memorials and friends/family who really "went out of their way" to be helpful.
I've never mastered the art of showing "links" to other cards, but if you do a search of the card gallery for sympathy cards there will be alot for you to look at for inspiration. When I have made mine in the past, I've kept the image simple (fleur de lis, baroque type stamps, trees or something from nature) and then stamped a thank you sentiment, sometimes inside the card, sometimes outside.
I hope that helps at least a little. What a loving tribute to your Mom, friends and family to handmake your thank you cards.
My sympathy to you. I think its a wonderful way to honor your mom by doing something this special. If it gets overwelming with making all the thankyou's start with her friends and family, you can always use the generic ones too, if it gets to much. Take care.
I did this two years ago when my mother passed away. The thank-you cards I received from the funeral home were very simple, almost pieces of paper but I did like the saying that was inside. So.... I used that white piece with the verse inside the cards I made from colored cardstock. Although the cards I made were also simple they were much nicer than those supplied from the funeral home.
I am so sorry about your mother; my sympathies to you, and her family and friends.
It's not customary where I live to send thank you notes for the cards. If you get overwhelmed with making cards, I would send the handmade ones to the closest people to your mother and send the others to the other people that sent flowers etc.. I don't think people expect you to do something that involved after suffering such a loss, but hoping you will find it cathartic and comforting. Once again, I am so sorry for your loss!
My opinion on this is that it is important to acknowledge all expressions of kindness, whether they were cards, visits, flowers, etc. I know that I was very hurt when I sent hand-made cards to relatives who never even mentioned that they received them. What made it worse is that my mother said that all I did was send a card, so I shouldn't expect any thanks for that. I know it is a difficult time when a loved one passes, especially a parent (I've been there), and I don't think anyone would expect a thank-you immediately. I just feel that at some point in the near future - a month or two, perhaps - it's the right thing to do. JMHO.
Sometimes people are not able to attend a visitation or funeral, for one reason or another, but their expression of sympathy is as heartfelt as those who can & do attend, or express their sympathy in other helpful ways.
I would decide about sending thank you cards to those who only sent a card with that thought in mind. Depending on the relationship of that person to you or your mother, you may want to send a thank you with a personal note, just as you would speak to someone who had extended condolences in person.
I don't think there is a blanket right or wrong way do do this. Follow your heart.
My sincere condolences. I lost my mother in my 20's and felt that I lost a connection to my childhood.
My heart goes out to you on the loss of your dear mother. I'll enclose a couple of links to easy thank you's. I purchase the SU package of note cards, which are smaller than an A2 card. On one version I score some lines and stamp only a retired sentiment that is a favorite of mine. The other has a scored border with the hydrangea stamped off once so it's a light image, sentiment stamped over that. Both are easy to reproduce in multiples. I hope your stamping is a creative outlet for your grief.
erbobbin-I am so sorry for the pain of your loss. I send my sympathy and hugs. Do as your heart decides. When I send a sympathy card (always handmade), I NEVER expect a thank you. Of course, I don't expect a thank you even if I have sent flowers. It's one of the few times when I feel no acknowledgement is necessary, because I know that their grief is so hard to bear that they must devote all their energy to just moving forward. Then again, I am not a slave to formal etiquette, just a person who tries to use kindness and common courtesy.
CAKath-thanks for posting your samples of cards for erbobbin (and the rest of us) to see. They are tangible, elegant, simple examples. Very pretty.
Dear ERBobbin, I am sending love and hugs your way. You and your family are in my prayers. there is no right or wrong way to do the Thank you cards. go with your heart. thanks to CAKath for the links for these thank you cards. simple but elegant.
erbobbin-I am so sorry for the pain of your loss. I send my sympathy and hugs. Do as your heart decides. When I send a sympathy card (always handmade), I NEVER expect a thank you. Of course, I don't expect a thank you even if I have sent flowers. It's one of the few times when I feel no acknowledgement is necessary, because I know that their grief is so hard to bear that they must devote all their energy to just moving forward. Then again, I am not a slave to formal etiquette, just a person who tries to use kindness and common courtesy.
CAKath-thanks for posting your samples of cards for erbobbin (and the rest of us) to see. They are tangible, elegant, simple examples. Very pretty.
What I highlighted above is exactly how I feel.
I made and sent a card to a friend when she had a death in the family. I was really surprised when they sent me a card thanking me for the card. I didn't feel it was necessary at all, but it made me even more glad that I had sent something to them.
This is such an interesting thread you've started. I must say that after reading all your posts, I am beginning to look at the love/thoughts behind a sympathy card as maybe receiving acknowledgement. It's great to hear everyone's thoughts,idea and opinions.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother. To think that you are being so thoughtful of others at this time is a tribute to you as a person. The following poem is used quite frequently in our area. We are a small town and sometimes families will post this poem, along with their own message in our local paper.
I do remember being surprised when I received a "thank you" from a family when I had sent a card. But now "things" have changed for me with health issues and I can't always attend visitation when I'm having a "bad" day...so I take the time to create a special sympathy card for the family. I can see both sides of the issue. I agree with previous posters who say to begin with those who sent flowers, brought food, etc. Often it is very difficult emotionally for some folks to go to visitations and funeral services, these are the folks who often will send a card.
If you have siblings, I know that many families get together and send the thank you's. If you make the cards then the others could do the addressing and so forth. Often this turns into a time of reminiscing for the family.
Perhaps you sent a lovely card,
or sat quietly in a chair.
Perhaps you sent a funeral spray,
if so, we saw it there.
Perhaps you spoke the kindest words,
As any friend could say,
Perhaps you were not there at all,
Just thought of us that day.
Whatever you did to console our hearts,
We thank you so very much, whatever the part.
CAKath's card with the flower and the sentiment is so lovely and elegant and would be easy to stamp multiples. Whatever you decide, may the Lord bless you as you go through this new journey in your life.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mother in May and also had the same question. So many people made donations in her honor, sent cards, etc. I couldn't function too well (my mother died suddenly from a brain hemorrhage) but I knew I had to send cards.
So what I did was divide everyone into two categories. The people who made donations and are relatives or dear family friends, or her friends that I know, or from the synagogue, or heads of organizations for which she volunteered, I sent handmade cards, which I made using SU's Spring Garden, which was my mom's favorite flower set that I have. That was about 40-ish cards. I'm not at home so I can't put a link.
All the rest of people who made donations, such as her friends, or members of her synagogue, or people with whom she volunteered, or others I didn't know, I did use the cards from the funeral home, and wrote something special to each one inside, just to make it a bit personal.
Otherwise it would've been more than 100, and I just couldn't handle that. And people who just sent sympathy cards, unless I knew them personally, I didn't respond. It was way too many people. Also, it took me 3 months to get it all done. That was the best I could function.
Please know that whatever you do will be fine. My deepest condolences to you.
__________________ Now I see the secret of making of the best persons. It is to grow in the open air, and to eat and sleep with the earth. -- Walt Whitman
Wow! So many thoughts and opinions. Thank you all for responding so quickly. CAKath, I have that Thank You stamp and I can see with your examples that these could be easily and quickly made. Thanks for the ideas. Karen
To clarify my earlier post, I did not send thank-you cards to people who sent cards but did to those who phoned, visited, brought food, gave donations of money, gifts of flowers etc. or who helped out in any other way. There would have been too many to send otherwise and I really don't feel people expect a thank-you for a card. I know I never do.
My mother in law passed away in September and I did a "hybrid" thank you card. I printed the following files back to back, so that the verse was on the outside and the message was on the inside when the card was folded, onto really heavyweight cardstock. I used a shadow stamp of a flower and stem over the verse on the front, so there was a handmade touch, but I wasn't overwhelmed with making many, many cards. We added a personal note inside when appropriate and chose to send thank yous to everyone who sent a card, flowers, a Mass, or attended the wake or funeral.
I too am sorry for your loss. My precious father passed away 3 weeks ago, so I'm familiar with your dilemma. I did not send a thank you card for a card. If I received a card that mentioned a donation in my father's memory I sent a card, but not a thank you card for a sympathy card. I sent a card to everyone that provided food, flowers, etc. I hope this doesn't sound crass, but I think sending a thank you card for a sympathy card could become cyclical. A thank you card from me and then a thank you card for my thank you card and on and on. This is how I looked at it when I decided not send thank you cards. If I saw the sender, I thanked them for the card. As someone previously mentioned, I have never expected a thank you card for a sympathy card I've sent.
Just reading through the posts and feeling people are so kind. I too am so sorry for your loss. Having lost my parents and a brother I can empathize with you having to sit down and face a task such as "thank you " cards. My sister actually took over as I felt that is a family is in the depths of grieving they are lucky to be able to brush their teeth. People are good, they understand and they do not expect a thank you. I see it as an act of kindness that does not need to have a response. I wish you every blessing at this difficult time.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my mother on Feb 11/2012. This is the Thank You card I sent. And I sent to people who visited me, brought/sent flowers or food, the minister and the funeral director. I didn't send it to people who just sent cards.
I don't see it as "just" sending a card. I think that if someone takes the time to write (or in my case create) a heart-felt and thoughtful message of sympathy, it is worthy of an acknowledgement. Part of me goes into every card that I make, and I think they mean a lot more than a bunch of flowers. Fortunately, most of my family and friends understand this. I guess the others saw them as "just" cards too.
My condolences again to the OP. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
When mil passed away, we sent thank yous to anyone who had a part in her funeral, pallbearers, singers, Father, luncheon ladies, donations, etc. but we didn't send to those who sent cards, as it would have been overwhelming to send to everyone who made a card or who came to her wake/funeral. Now if someone would have made a card, than I probably would have sent a note thanking them for taking the time for making a special one, but we didn't have anyone make one for her.
Funeral Thank You's
