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Does being a crafty person make you feel on the outer sometimes?
I'm not quite sure how to put this into words, but here goes: a little while ago, my DH, 9 yo daughter and I were invited to lunch at a relative's home. These relatives had a bunch of other friends - about 10 other couples - all of whom had grown up children who have just left home or are getting married. I had only seen these people before at my relative's wedding so didn't "know" them specifically. In chatting around the table, one of the ladies talked about her daughter's wedding and how they sent the wedding photos away to be decorated in their album. Thinking that the lady meant they were scrapbooked, I piped up: "Oh, did they scrapbook it?". The table fell deathly silent and there were a few sniggers and exchanged goggle-eyed types of glances, then the lady said: "Not exactly....." then went on to continue talking about it with her friends and how the $1000s that the album cost were so worth it (and that's great that she was happy with it). But from then on, I was talked around and over but not talked "to". They weren't rude or nasty to me - but I was just ignored and I felt a little humiliated and really just ached to go home. I am a very shy person and not very good in a social situation where I barely know anyone - and I didn't dare say anything else - I just fell apart inside and wanted to cry. And it made me me think that often I just feel different to other ladies because I love so many crafts and don't watch alot of TV or are up with all the Reality TV Shows like Big Brother or The X Factor etc. because I would rather make a card or knit/crochet or paint. When I go to a Craft Show, the people that I meet understand what makes a Crafter tick and it is so easy to chat with like-minded Crafters who get excited about a pack of buttons like I do! But outside of that sort of situation, I feel a bit lost and on the outer - like I just don't fit in. I have been a full-time Carer for a family member so have limited free time and run back and forth to hospital appointments now that their treatment has finished. Has anyone had a similar experience or feels like I do? What would you have done at the lunch? :(
Some people just don't understand art in any form. I have friends who read books, watch TV, or whatever but never craft. I really don't understand that!
We crafty people just need to stick together.
I don't consider you an outlier at all. I consider you normal!
Sorry the group did not try to include you in the conversation.
Have fun with all your crafts!
Jocelyn- I am sending you the biggest hugs. Your post made me cry. I am painfully shy too. Painfully shy girls we can stand united. I think we are special and unique in our own way. You should never feel the outer. People who talk around you are going to talk around you no matter what you do or who you are. That is just who they want to be. Thank your lucky stars you don't have them permanently in your life.
Jocelyn, I am so sorry you had to waste time being around such rude people! There is no other word for their behaviour.
I think we all feel like outsiders if we are with a bunch of people who don't share our values. That doesn't mean they're right and you're not. In fact I've just read what you wrote on another thread to encourage a fellow crafter in a self-doubting state, and I thought it was beautiful.
Remember, what goes around comes around.
Hugs
Jocelyn, I think the "friends" were not being very nice. The polite thing to do in that situation would have been to explain what kind of photo album she was having made, and then to ask you "so, do you scrapbook?" as a way of getting you involved in the conversation. Etiquette dictates making everyone feel included and comfortable in these situations. That said, I often feel a little "different." I've been an artist since birth, practically, and I often get blank looks during conversations. No one seems to understand my desire to have a bird hat, lol.
So to repeat what everyone else said: it's not you, it's them.
Also, I took a look at your blog, and I have to say that you do very nice work!
I have not been in your situation. I try to surround myself with my amazingly crafty friends and hope they can pull me up to their level. I think that people who don't scrapbook or who aren't artsy/crafty know what beautiful things ordinary people like me/us can create. They don't know what tender love and care goes into our projects. It is beyond their scope of imagination. These folks need to get a real life instead of a "reality life". You have already have one. Don't let it get you down.
I was going to say something similar to Hoboken Paper. Instead of you feeling "outside", I'd consider that they were rather bad-mannered. It doesn't change how you felt, I know, but consider it as a reflection on them.
I'm lucky in that most of my friends are either arty/crafty or wish they were! And when I meet people who are interested in things other than what I am - I will at least try to understand why they might be interested in something that bores me stiff. Sports, for example . I may not be able to participate in the conversation, but I'm not going to dismiss them as people.
I'm sorry that you had such a horrible experience.
Oh - and we don't even have TV, so I'm totally out of it when people are talking about anything related to that!
I agree, the relatives were rude to you. But I think they deserve our pity. Not only do they obviously lack your creativity and artistry, they also seem to be close minded and boorish. Besides you being an artist I would say, looking at all these replies and where they've come from, you have a world wide circle of friends who understand and admire you. Not bad for a very shy person!
One more thought, you aren't missing a THING on television. Most of that garbage will rot your brain. Instead, you choose to think and create. That is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Neither is the fact that you are a care giver to someone who needs your help. The world would be better off with more people like you and fewer snobs who don't know how to treat a person with kindness and respect.
I love your cards! Obviously people on SCS and your blog followers appreciate and recognize your (God-given) talent. You have good taste and an eye for beauty. Your love, joy and gentleness show in your cards. Plus God loves you just the way you are. What could be better! I'm sorry you were made to feel less than you are. The person who's doing the decorating in that wedding album has a talent, too. It IS sad when people only see talent when it costs them lots of money. Keep making the world a more beautiful place using what God has blessed you with. Remember always that God made you and you bless him when you develop and share the gifts God gave you! Being an introvert is also a gift! Imagine the world without introverts? When I've found myself in similar situations I find I need to forgive those who intentionally or unintentionally but carelessly hurt me, and forgive myself for reacting and ending up questioning myself. Only then, I've found, can I move on and really enjoy who I am in Christ Jesus. I'm hoping you will continue to SHINE ON!
This is my take on it: these were some very.....uppidy people. When I say that I mean, that they might think scrapbooking is "crafty" or "homemade"- as if that is a bad thing. They were happy to send pictures to be decorated in a book for $1,000???? I am thinking these are uppidy people but also not very smart!!! Many of the crafters on here could do a better job for next to NOTHING...you included!!! But if they are okay with that....more power to them.
I have the same type of peple at my sons' school, "oh, I just don't have time to do that crafting stuff". Okay......but they have time to go party and shop the latest sales at a big high end store. We are just two different type of people. What amazes them, I carry a high end purse...not because it is high end, its because I love it. I'm the same person that can craft, cross stitch, and knit and be perfectly happy!!! Some people need to show others they have money.....and apparently more than they know what to do with if they are putting pictures in a book for $1,000!!!!!
How unfortunate this happened to you, your relative should have jumped into the conversation and stated how talented you are and what beautiful work you produce. I know how difficult it is to be in conversation with strangers, they were rude to you, in my mind, they are not worth the heartache. I would chat with your relative however, make her aware how uncomfortable you felt, hopefully next time the rude friends will be excluded. Hugs!
Oh, MAN. If I had been at that gathering, I would have grabbed you and a bottle of wine and we would have had our OWN party talking about your pack of buttons and the ribbon I just bought. Yes, there are THOSE people out there who pay thousands to send something away to have it "done". And there are the rest of us, who make the world beautiful with their crafty talents. I'm proud to be called "crafty" by "the non-crafty" . Friends say it with admiration, others may say it with some snark. But lately they have been paying ME the $$$ to make their invitations, favors, etc. My late mother, who was a Depression baby, could make an outfit and a party out of NOTHING and that, I think, was a huge factor in my developing into my CRAFTY self. Don't let that crowd get to you, hang around here on SCS (it's WAY better than TV) and feel the crafty love!!!
I guess I would not overthink it. I am sometimes shy, but most of the time I am just anti-social. I guess I would have been grateful that they didn't include me in on the conversation - that means I wouldn't have needed to talk. I really dislike these kinds of gatherings to begin with, so it is easy (but maybe inaccurate) for me to assume that everyone else dislikes them greatly as well. I would have simply assumed that everyone there was obligated to be there. Also, when I am at such an event, I have a hard time speaking to strangers, unless they speak to me first. And I would easily consider "acquaintances" to be strangers. I know I come off as rude, but sometimes it's all I can bear to be, until it is time to go home. Most of the times that I have been talked "over" is when everyone is talking about sports, or if they all work at a place or in a field that I don't work at. I don't really feel bad about that, because when I'm at such a gathering I'm already feeling miserable. Anyway, hugs to you. Sorry it was such a painful experience.
Jocelyn I can completely relate to what you're saying. I'm very shy and people look at "crafty" folks as being cheap or kitchy, when the reality is that we love what we do and are proud of it!! It's sad that society has leaned in that direction.
Soo sorry to hear you had a bad experience. I too have no one in my immediate life that loves to stamp/craft like I do. TV is over rated and so are most of the movies that are out. I am also kinda shy and make a lot of scrap books that other people just don't get. Most of the people I know are sending their pics out to be "put in a scrap book" that cost a ton of money. I am currently tossing around the idea of becoming a Stampin' Up demo just to save money on my passion..... not to even make money LOL.......but like you I am having a hard time finding people who are interested in "making stuff". I really wish ART was a major part of the school day as it used to be.........Maybe then some people would get us.
I have a lot more repect for someone who can make something fantastic out of an old frame and lampshade. lol Just chalk it up to bad manners, and keep on doing what you are doing.
__________________ Patrice. Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Got to agree with what everyone else is saying, how rude can some people be! I'd also suggest being thankful that they are NOT friends of yours- imagine having to put up with them on a regular basis. As for not watching TV- reminds e of a funny conversation at work a few years ago. A whole bunch were talking about various TV programmes they'd watched over the previous few days, then asked my opinion on them. ' Never seen any of them' I replied. 'I don't watch TV, except the occasional documentary'. Don't watch TV?, came the response. What on earth do you do with yourself! I don't think they were impressed when I burst out laughing, lol.
I'm a nerd, and am used to feeling like an outsider at social gatherings. Not only do I like the wrong things (geeky stuff), I tend to stick my foot in my mouth by saying awkward things.
My advice for those who find themselves feeling like an outsider, surrounded by people who don't share your interests:
-Remind yourself that you have friends that do, and try to find some mutual topic of conversation with those who don't.
-If they are talking over you, go find the family dog or cat and interact with the pet instead.
-If there is only one other person and you can't flee and can't find a mutual topic of interest, ask them about something neutral like how they met their spouse. Ask follow up questions when necessary to keep the conversation going. People love to talk about themselves, so if you steer the topic to something personal you can make them happy and not feel like an outsider.
-If you can, cultivate a feeling of superiority because your interests are so much more (intellectual/unique/creative/etc.)
-When you get home, curl up with a good book, craft, video game, or whatever makes you happy.
I'm only half joking.
__________________ aka Sue. Or Sue-odd.
No blog for me. My gallery chronicles my card-making successes and mishaps.
Ah, what an upside-down world we live in! It used to be that those who used their hands to create beauty were revered (and paid well). That included "crafty" people, who used to be referred to as "craftsmen" or "artisans". This also included tradesmen like carpenters or masons. Nowadays, anyone earning a living in a profession where their hands get dirty is dismissed as a "laborer". (My husband is a mason, and this really sticks in my craw - he is a true artist that can do amazing things with brick or stone).
More to your point, I agree with everyone else that has commented that this was incredibly rude behavior and SOMEONE should have spoken up on your behalf! Be that as it may, I can totally identify with the "outer" feeling. I've considered myself a "fringe dweller" since high school (possibly even before that): I know all of the groups, and they'll allow me to be in their presence, but I don't BELONG to any of them. "Friends" that were really just acquaintances has been pretty much the norm in my world, and just happened to belong to the same church, or their husband was a friend of my husband, etc. I try to stay out of situations where there would be multiples of these acquaintances - not because I'm overly shy or they're rude or whatever - but more because life is too short to spend ANY of it in the company of anyone who is sucking my spirit instead of feeding it!
Also, As shazsilverwolf pointed out, there are those who honestly don't know what to do with themselves when there's nothing on TV. I will NEVER understand anyone who says - out loud - "I'm bored". WHAT?!?! How is that even possible? Yes, we really should just pity them and hang together...
One last thought: In "Heaven Can Wait", a man says something rude and then says to the girl, "I'm sorry if I've hurt you". Her response? "I don't know you well enough for you to hurt me". I really only ever worry about the opinions of those I love and respect - what a stranger thinks of me is none of my concern, and says more about them than it does about me. Same holds true for you!
Just know that all of those contributing to this thread "get" it, and love you just as you are! Carry on, sweet, loving caretaker and CRAFTSWOMAN!!!
Jocelyn, my first thought was, what a waste of $1000's! I too am shy, so I can relate to the feelings you had. Cross your fingers that you don't have to 'party' with that crowd again. I was recently given some very old scrapbook magazines. It is so funny to look back on those simple pages with 4 photos and some star punches and think that was breaking new ground in scrapbooking terms. We've come SO far since then, and perhaps this snooty crowd has no clue how beautiful the average scrapbooker's products can be.
I'm sorry you had this experience and you've received good feedback; I hope you are feeling better.
People value different things and that's ok. What's important is to honor what you value and surround yourself with people that support what you value.
And don't believe for a second that having a lot of money makes for a 'rich' life.
The other ladies have it right - Shy here, too. I eventually learned to ask lots of leading questions - people would rather talk about what interests them than listen to me. But mostly, I avoid that kind of gathering. Being alone in my workshop is preferable to bad company.
Oh, I should qualify: 5th gathering - same relatives but different guests - sometimes more family come than others - but same feeling of being on the outside looking in.
You asked what I would have done at the luncheon: first of all, I would never have gone. Life is too short to waste it by putting myself in miserable situations. However, if I had been there, I would have left.
__________________ Linda E
Caution: You are entering an artistic zone. This is not clutter - this is creating. These are not pajamas - it's my work uniform.
Jocelyn, I would not feel obligated to go. Spend your time with people you love to spend time with, life is way to short. Would your relative be that upset if you declined? seems they throw a lot of get togethers. I visited your blog, you make lovely cards.
JoBear2, you are quite right, you have the freedom NOT to 'fit in'! What would you be fitting in with? Someone elses idea of what the 'correct' way to think, feel, dress, act? You be happy as yourself. I'm speaking as a 58 year old,usually dressed head to toe in black- who is a huge Heavy Metal fan- Love Marilyn Manson, Slipknot etc. Go to many concerts, spend my time near the front in the mosh pit! Also have Goth tendencies, lol, and I've been a pagan since I was a teenager. So I know 'outsider'. My lovely granddaughter calls me her Goth Nanny, . So, you've been to five of these get togethers. I agree with the others, you've more than done your bit. I admit, I wouldn't have made it past 1. Next time you're invited, just say, I'm sorry, we already have plans for then. And then spend the day doing what you love.
I agree with everything said here. I do have a suggestion that I haven't seen (or missed it if it was.) The next time your invited to one of these things, if you decided to go, pack a small craft project, something that you can do while listening. My grandmother was a knitter and she always had a project in her hands. She would sit, knit, listen and chime in when she wanted. It will give you some comfort and they can see the beautiful work you do. If they ask why/what you're doing, tell them that, while you're enjoying their company/conversation (a little white lie), you need something to keep your hands busy.
My Daughter was faced with the same situation with some of her now husband's college friends wives. They totally ignored her the first time she attended a party. I told her maybe he had brought several dates to these things thru the years and they didn't want to invest the time getting to know her. When it happened again after they were engaged she deciced not to attend. (It's a Fantasy Football draft party) she drops him off and visits her dad and I. If I were you I just wouldn't go any more. I believe it is the Hostess responsibily to make ALL guests feel welcome, and they should have made sure you were included in the conversation!
On the crafting thing I do have my Stamping friends, but most of my friends don't craft. I have 1 friend that said she would rather poke her eyes out than do what I do. She's a golfer, likes the slots, and is a big sports fan. I don't like any of those things but somehow we're friends. I think its because we really like each other. She did come over and we made some cute little cards for her son's shower favors but I couldn't talk her into coming over to make cards for fun.
__________________ Bev
Organized People are just too lazy to hunt for things!!!
Last edited by bdeyes9; 10-17-2013 at 03:15 AM..
Reason: spelling
That's what I was thinking too but hadn't verbalised it until now - that I have done enough "duty" - and feel that with my load of caring for a loved one through an illness is enough without feeling so down as well because it just makes everything harder.
I agree with everything said here. I do have a suggestion that I haven't seen (or missed it if it was.) The next time your invited to one of these things, if you decided to go, pack a small craft project, something that you can do while listening. My grandmother was a knitter and she always had a project in her hands. She would sit, knit, listen and chime in when she wanted. It will give you some comfort and they can see the beautiful work you do. If they ask why/what you're doing, tell them that, while you're enjoying their company/conversation (a little white lie), you need something to keep your hands busy.
Now that's a fantastic idea - I love it! Thanks for the suggestion
I've run into these kinds of people and I always ask if they have a hobby and most time they do not. I then ask what do you do with your time and most of the time it's watching TV, running after the kids, and work. I then ask, what do you do for yourself? What give you joy? The answer is usually silence. I then go on to explain how I'm a much happier, calmer person when I take care of my creative needs. I explain that there a so many fun things I can do, who has time for TV?
The funny thing about the snobby rude people is that they will go to a store and buy an over-priced handmade item and they never consider that a crafter made that item.
To the OP, I'm sorry you had to deal with them but know in your heart that you are a much better person and that you bring beauty to the world with your creations.
umm I believe that would be called digital scrapbooking and I would have told them I do that for people willing to throw money my way. Maybe we should call it digital embellishment of life photos then I guess $1000 would be the going rate.
Rude and boorish.
When the conversation turns to tv I tell people right out, I don't watch tv I have more creative things to do with my time.
I'm with you when you say that it's so easy to chat with crafters at a craft show as compared to all the other people. I guess the feelings are mutual - they don't understand us and we don't understand them.
I too am not big on watching TV and hence find myself conversation-less at times. In fact sometimes when I meet other women, it's hard for me to come up with a topic to talk about.
That would be why most of my friends are men - I'm not into "the shoes, the nails, the hair, the shopping, Fifty Shades of Gray, Jersey Shore" crapola, and most of the women I know have nothing else going on (except one who is an avid gardener - kudos to her), so they don't get me at all, and I don't get them. Guys just want you to let them be who they are, and afford you the same courtesy - so much easier...
To shazsilverwolf (what is your for-reals name, please - I feel kinda rude): HOORAY FOR METAL GRANDMAS! I'm 57, myself, and while I'm not into as heavy as you are, I still feel ya! I've even taken up bass guitar
Wow, why pay that much for a wedding album? I'd wonder how much more money they're throwing away on other wedding plans.
I host one SU! party a year during Sale-a-bration so that the guest can get free stuff as well. I send out about 50 invites, and who shows up? Pretty much, just family. The whole neighborhood never shows up to my parties. They do Scentsy parties (I can't because I'm allergic), Papparazzi parties (don't wear much jewelry, and if I do, it's not cheap stuff), Michie bags parties (Don't really like them), Thirty-one bags (I've already bought the 2 I already need), DoTerra (really allergic), and don't like Avon or Mary Kay either.
I guess they don't craft either. They're all too busy watching reality TV, driving around big SUV's and paying someone else to tend their yards. Probably doesn't apply to all of them, but it sure seems like it.
So that's my rant on being the outside crafty person. I'd rather crochet, make some cards or try a new recipe than watch TV. And I do avoid some family events so I don't have to listen to the drama or political arguments that just stresses everyone out.
You said you are a caregiver. Wonder how many of those uppity people at the party could do what you do? Be proud that you have that ability because it means you are a loving person. Love yourself first because it sounds like you are lovable!
To stamphappy1560: Your quote: "The funny thing about the snobby rude people is that they will go to a store and buy an over-priced handmade item and they never consider that a crafter made that item." I totally agree and I find their thought process so puzzling :eek:
To: xaide2: Your quote: "I guess they don't craft either. They're all too busy watching reality TV, driving around big SUV's and paying someone else to tend their yards. Probably doesn't apply to all of them, but it sure seems like it." Well, it does for most of them! And if people are well-off, fantastic for them but it's their attitude that everyone else is beneath them that is so sad. My late father was well-off later in life from working hard, but having lived through the Depression and didn't even have shoes to wear and walked to school barefoot because his family were so poor, he NEVER forgot where he came from. He still loved to make things with his hands and encouraged my brother and I to do the same. He recycled stuff and shopped at garage/yard sales and was generous with his time and money. If he saw someone alone at a get-together, he would be the 1st person to walk over and talk to them - to include them and encourage them. He was a gentle soul who drove a very nice car and lived in a lovely home but he never made his "possessions" define him as a person.
Thank you everyone for your kindness, support and encouragement. I feel 1000 times better because you have all lifted my spirits and I am so grateful to each one of you who commented or 'liked' the comments in agreement. {{{HUGS}}} to everyone
Does being a crafty person make you feel on the outer sometimes?
