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Today in Dear Abby in my local paper, there is a letter to Abby that just raises the hackles on my back. Here it is...
Dear Abby: Five years ago, when my niece was 9, we came up with the idea of making Christmas cards and sending them out to special friends and family members. We both worked hard to make sure each is attractive and in good taste, and we hand write a personal note inside. We also print on the back that the card was "handmade with love." This has become a tradition for the two of us, and the cards are quite beautiful. Last year, after we sent them out, I received a card from a friend with a small check inside. The card read, "I'm sending you this check so you can afford to buy 'real cards' next year." I was to say the least, hurt and offended. I wondered if others felt similarly, so I asked around and was shocked to learn they too, thought I was "cheap." Although it cost more money and time to create each card, no one appreciated them.
We won't be making cards this year, but how do I tell my niece why? I don't want her feelings hurt, too.
Blue at Christmas
Dear Blue:
Tell your niece what you were told - and by whom - so she won't waste any more effort on these rude and unappreciative individuals. Better she hear it from you than one of the recipients. As to the "friend" who sent the check, I hope you returned it and deleted her from your Christmas card list. what she did was uncalled for.
My husband read this to me when he got home from work. My mouth fell open in dismay. Though I do have to say, my Dad felt this way for a long time about the handmade cards he got from me. His wife on the other hand displays them proudly.
Other than that , I have only gotten compliments on the cards I make and send out. Everyone tells me that my cards are "keepers"!
__________________
Have fun and be creative!
Jennifer
Last edited by mother's daughter; 12-13-2010 at 03:23 PM..
Reason: deleting an extra word
I saw this too and I laughed. People have asked me if I "save" money by making cards, or "how much" do I save making cards. I asked them how much money they save playing golf, or making their own jewelry. Same thing. It's a great hobby and form of creative expression...Some people get it and some don't ;)
My husband read it to me this morning. I can not believe how rude some people are. Unlike Abby, I would have spent the money she sent me and wrote out a thank you note telling her I bought some more paper or whatever with it. That would be the last card she ever got from me.
I wish Abby had told her to keep making the cards with her niece. Such precious time together...
__________________ Linda E
Caution: You are entering an artistic zone. This is not clutter - this is creating. These are not pajamas - it's my work uniform.
Those are the people that do not get cards from me anymore! This year they were more simple and only cost $.76 each to mail! Can't afford to buy them! OMG...
__________________ Karen
...My life is like a stroll on the beach...As near to the edge as I can go...Thoreau...
That boggles the mind that people, no, LOVED ONES can be that rude!!! I make Christmas cards every year for a heavy-duty (semi-truck) repair business and they get floods of calls from their customers saying how much they appreciate a hand-made card. And these are truckers!!!
__________________
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I wish Abby had told her to keep making the cards with her niece. Such precious time together...
That's exactly what I said when my husband emailed me the letter. I also would have told her to donate all those cards to charitable organizations and the troops.
Jeez, can you *imagine* if you got a response like that to a card given out of love?? I would be super p***ed. My SIL doens't *love* my cards but she would never say something so hurtful.
I'd send the cheque back to that woman with a card from the dollar store and would probably continue to send her a cheapy dollar store care every week for a year. I'd write inane things in them like, "I hear beets taste good with shepherd's pie. You?" or a Ralph Wiggum fave, "My cat's breath smells like cat food."
Wow! I am appalled at the rudeness from the person who sent a check. It's obvious that person doesn't know anything about how much our cards actually cost to make in time and materials.
I, too, wish Abby would have advised the woman to continue making cards with her niece.
Wow, I read this to DH and I wish I would have had a camera for the look on his face, he was really offended that someone would do something like that after receiving a handmade card. I make birthday cards for people he works with and he gets asked about them constantly, he has even had someone stop him in Walgreens to comment on cards I have made, so he has come to appreciate the work that goes into making cards.
__________________ Libby~ Proud Fan Club Member My GalleryMy Blog My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
I wish my niece wanted to make cards with me. She's just not the crafty type. I say keep crafting with your niece if she loves doing it. It is time you get to share something you both enjoy. Don't let the haters get you down!
I cannot imagine having the balls to do that to someone. Everyone I send or give cards to is amazed that I cared enough about them to spend my time making them a card. I once sent one to a teenaged boy for his High School graduation, he took the time to write in the thank you card that he appreciated that I made it by hand and it was really cool. I have several friends and relatives who have asked for sets of handmade cards for presents. That lady needs to have her check shoved where the sun doesn't shine.
Jeez, can you *imagine* if you got a response like that to a card given out of love?? I would be super p***ed. My SIL doens't *love* my cards but she would never say something so hurtful.
I'd send the cheque back to that woman with a card from the dollar store and would probably continue to send her a cheapy dollar store care every week for a year. I'd write inane things in them like, "I hear beets taste good with shepherd's pie. You?" or a Ralph Wiggum fave, "My cat's breath smells like cat food."
That'd learn 'er.
umm I had to LOL at this! I was thinking the same thing..we could get revenge quickly huh?
People are RUDE. Period. Luckily my family and friends love to get handmade things..and as we all know handmade does not always = cheap. What is cheap ? The people that think they must have a "store bought" card to throw away..that is cheap..
Gee, now I am wondering who has not told me their "real" thoughts about my cards....
I really only send about 20 handmade ones to those who would appreciate them and the rest are store bought.
__________________ ~Vee
It's not who you know-it's whom you know.
Unbelievable. I hope that lady continues to make cards with her niece and they donate them or send them to people who will appreciate them. I sincerely hope the "friend" who sent the cheque never sees another card from her. I've never heard of such rudeness.
__________________ "You may not have lost all your marbles, but there's definitely a hole in the bag." Grumpy Cat
I wrote a "shame on you" to Dear Abby. She missed the boat telling the writer to turn the neice against the offensive relatives...and by not suggesting that the cards could be donated to worthy individuals/causes. We'll see if she prints it!
(PS...I agree the relatives were rather offensive and rude!)
Agree with everyone who says give handmade cards to those you know will appreciate them.
I also agree that the person who started this thread should keep making cards with her niece. Maybe the 2 of them could research places that would appreciate their work - assisted living facilities, crisis centers, our troops, etc. Teaching the next generation that money is easier to give than your time is a good lesson being passed on to the niece.
Please keep crafting and spending quality time with your niece!
I would continue to make cards and skip the turds. Heartfelt anything is so sweet and full of love. Life is full of those we just have to skip over to survive.
I have to admit the story sickened me and it was hard to read. Where is the appreciation for a fellow friend's hard work and loving gift she and her niece made for them? I sincerely hope that this doesn't break the young Lady's heart! I mean, what teenager actually sits down and enjoys time with her aunt, making a card, these days? I too, would be offended and very hurt if "close friends" had told me that. After we had slaved over the cards for 5 years thinking everyone loved them, only to find out that they were probably discarded, it would really humiliate and hurt me too. I mean, who else would you give cards too, if not your friends and family?!? The worst is the sent check. That would crush me, just crush me. Can you tell I really feel bad for this Lady and her niece?? My eyes are wet with tears :(
What a disgusting thing to do to a person. I would no longer consider her a friend. How tacky can you get? Sounds like that person just wanted to be nasty.
I think I would have taken the check, cashed it and donated it to a charity; thereby making something ugly, into something good. And sent her a letter letting her know what charity I sent it to (with proof), and let her know exactly what I thought of her rude and insensitive gesture. Sounds like the woman thinks too much about money for her to assume it was done for financial reasons. There are too many people in our world who think about money too much and place it as a priortity about friendship, love, family etc..
I liked the idea about making cards for charities or groups also. She should continue to make cards with her niece.
And just supposing a person did make homemade cards to save money; what is so terrible about that? I'd rather be known as frugal than be known for wasting money and being careless. Why does this woman think it is her place to tell another person what they should spend money on? Is she the expert on everything appropriate; guess not, or she would know it is not appropriate to be rude and not have any tact or class. Really makes me steamed! GRRR!!!
And does she not think anything of the girl's feelings? I think this is the part that really gets me, is that so many people think their opinion is so valuable, because they never think any farther than their own nose. It's always, me, me, me; never considering other's feelings or circumstances. How arrogant and self-indulgent!
I'm afraid that we are going to have more of this type of thinking if people aren't taught empathy. While I don't think anyone should be a total doormat for others or go to pieces at everyone else's situations, they should have some inkling of empathy and understanding. Insensitivity, greed and selfishness are not flattering traits!
Last edited by hoptownracer1; 12-13-2010 at 09:15 PM..
Reason: typo
I saw the Abby letter today, too. I can relate because about 15 years ago my sister told she thought people who made their own cards were cheap. I wonder how cheap she thinks I am since I've never gave her another card.
Not a lot of sisterly love there! LOL I have friends who are as close as sisters and they LOVE my cards, quilts, tablerunners, etc.
OH WOW! that's what I call a Frenemy. LOVE that word.
To be honest, I've sent some pretty bad cards but REALLY? I would returned a check with a typewritten note explaining how rude it was. but that's just me!
__________________ Dear Paperlicious is my blog...with a series on how I'm learning to improve my cardmaking by studying others.
Someone should write back to Abby and suggest that she tell that woman to continue making cards with her niece but then donate them to an organization (like Operation Write Home) that WOULD appreciate handmade cards.
I realize that many of the recipients of my handmade holiday cards don't think that much of them, but I figure I make them because I enjoy the creative process and not to save money (ha!) or impress anyone. I try not to think about the fact that they probably end up in the trash after the holidays. I know some of my family members like them because I get sincere compliments about them all the time.
I totally agree. Keep making the cards with your niece and give them to people that will appreciate them. I have several friends who have kept every card I have sent them and one friend has one special Christmas card that she saved and she puts it out every Christmas. PLEASE keep making cards with your niece......you won't regret it.
I guess these people also think that all those men out there on the river in those flashy expensive bass boats are fishing because they cant afford to buy fish at the market! The reasoning would be the same.
OMG I read this yesterday in the paper and my response was to thank the lady and say oh but we so enjoy making the cards that I used the money you sent to purchase more paper crafting supplies. So how do I go about sending a response to Dear Abby?
Someone should write back to Abby and suggest that she tell that woman to continue making cards with her niece but then donate them to an organization (like Operation Write Home) that WOULD appreciate handmade cards.
I did...it would be great if more of you did too...maybe someone direct her to SCS, LOL!
Quote:
Originally Posted by phleb7
OMG I read this yesterday in the paper and my response was to thank the lady and say oh but we so enjoy making the cards that I used the money you sent to purchase more paper crafting supplies. So how do I go about sending a response to Dear Abby?
Maybe you should invite your friends/relatives that don't appreciate handmade cards over for a card-making night. I know mine liked my cards before, but after seeing all the supplies and work it takes to make one, they really appreciate it now!
I also would have returned the check enclosed in a handmade card to the sender. I do have some relatives who don't appreciate that I enjoy making the handmade cards I send out each Christmas. I don't do gifts to anyone but my handmade cards are my gift to each person. I would never purchase a card to give to anyone no matter what their comment was.
To the writer of the Dear Abby letter, I would say continue making cards with the little relative. It's quality time with children. But I would also tell the child about the check and card from the unappreciative person. If this child is of school age, I feel she should understand the different opinions people have.
I just sent my response to Dear Abby, letting her know she missed the boat on her response to the woman. No one should stop spending time with another person who enjoys the same hobby or creative process. There is just not enough of that in this world.
I would never purchase a card to give to anyone no matter what their comment was.
Patti
I'm with you, Patti. It is their loss in their rudeness. I will continue to make my "homemade" cards because I love them. I give them because I care about the person. If they don't get it, that is their loss and I refuse to be bitter and resentful about it. That only hurts me, and I sure don't need that!
I am sorry that the lady and her niece were hurt this way. I would have told them to keep making there cards and to take the cheque that the friend sent them and cash it to buy more supplies and make cards for the elderly that are shut in or in nursing homes who would love to have a card and would appreciate the love and time that went into making the card, then I would send the friend a note (not a card) to let her know that the money that she sent came in handy to buy supplies to make more cards that were given to those who don't care about money and the expense of the gift just that they were given something from the heart not the pocketbook. I give my family and friends handmade cards every year and I know that if I didn't make them a card they would be upset. My mom displays the first Christmas card I ever made for her all year round and I know that each and everyone of my cards are enjoyed and cherished, and even if they aren't I don't worry about it because I know that I made the card with love and enjoyed every step of the process in making it.
I responded and told her how much she had missed the mark with her advice in this case. Thanks for providing us with the link, I hope she gets flooded with feedback!
I make my cards every year and have had many people write me back or call to say how much they loved my card. I have saved one from each year and put it in the Christmas page as part of my scrapbooking to remember the card. I did have one friend that specifically called me to thank me for the card and not to quit sending them even though she doesn't send out cards. She looks forward to it every year.
I find these cards are kind of a therapy for me and my gift to people so they are elaborate and time consuming, if someone didn't like it or said something to me I would get in their face quickly and then say "fine, you just saved me an hour of my time just for your card and the $$ will be donated to a charity. Actually you could redirect that card to someone who is in your life that would probably appreciate it more like the grocery store person you chat with, your gas station people, the mail man even.
I am sorry to hear your feelings were hurt but I am sure there are those that do appreciate the cards.
Anyone see today's (12/13/2010) Dear Abby?
