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I've been noticing how many threads there are (and have been) about whether anyone appreciates the work that goes into making cards, low numbers of comments on cards in the gallery, insulting offers from others to have us make cards for them, etc., and I've also noticed how much sadder the world news seems to be lately, and how many people feel isolated and alone...
All of this has culminated in a thought: Why don't we take more time to SAY? I had two email exchanges this morning - both regarding potential problems, but I chose my words carefully and was sure to point out the wonderfulness of the folks receiving the email, in addition to presenting my issue. Both responses resolved my issue AND made me feel like I had a new friend!
"Words are weapons sharper than knives" is a line from an INXS song (yes, I'm old - deal with it), but they can also be used to uplift, bond, inspire, comfort, heal, enlighten. When chosen carefully and presented thoughtfully, words are SO POWERFUL! That's one reason we take such care in finding just the right sentiment for our cards - it needs to say what we need/want it to say to the recipient of THAT particular card!
Life is short, we're all doing everything "on the fly", so to speak, but how long does it take, really, to brighten someone's day with a kind word? I am as guilty as anyone of not commenting on cards in the gallery or picking up the phone just to say hi to those who are important to me. How can they know how often I think of them if I don't tell them?
Not sure what any answers are, but I felt the need to SAY...
I agree Sue - so many people seem to have been swept along with the "instant gratification" culture that taking just a few minutes to choose some kind words very often seems well down the priority list. A little bit of kindness goes a long way, whether in person or online.
I think we should all make an effort to celebrate the positives rather than dwelling on the negatives, as well as trying to spread some positives ourselves. Many of the cards I send go unremarked and it would be easy to focus on that but I have counter-examples too and I choose to give more weight to those positives
Email does make it easier to pause and think through how you want to say something. My problem is being in person and always afterward when I think of what I should have said instead of staying silent.
That is a very common issue, Martha. Often we're in a situation where we don't know WHAT to say, so we say nothing. It's been my experience, though, that even if we begin awkwardly and don't say exactly the right thing, it at least opens a dialogue so that we can (hopefully) understand and be understood...
Totally agree also Sue, and very well put. I am one of the most recent posters about cards not being appreciated, and I guess one of the reason I posted it was that they have meant so much to me in certain circumstances. As you said, words in general have the power to hurt but also to heal and uplift us.
I still have those hallmark cards that were sent to me during special times and will keep them until I die. I received a card from my 23 yr old daughter a few years ago, when I was in the process of losing my job. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. I had worked in the same department for 31 years as a RN and worked my way up the ladder. I was one of the first ones in my position when they created it. I was so proud of my work. To make it worse, they basically lied to use for a year and told us that no one would lose their jobs. The card she gave me was one of the very simple cheaper hallmark type cards...but that didn't matter at all. It said on the front, "life isn't fair" .It was the fact that at 23 she understood the depth of my despair and chose to write me encouraging words. I still cry when I look at it. I also remember during this time as I was at my last few weeks on the job....my closest friend at work, who had the same job (there were 11 of us let go) had her last day as she moved on to another hospital. It was the final straw to me and I felt all alone. Everyone else around me (I was an RN care manager in a hospital) was keeping their jobs...they were just getting rid of my position, so while some people were empathetic, most were just uncomfortable didn't care or know what to say. Anyways, one of the younger social workers that I had worked with for several years, sent me an e card that day, acknowledging that my friend was leaving that day and she knew it would be hard for me...and said that she was there if I wanted to talk. Again I will save that thought always. Sorry for the long story but it just goes to show that words do matter. If we as card makers chose to spend our money to make our "fancy" cards, I think we need to accept that that's our choice and not expect people to necessarily appreciate the money or time the card cost us. What I hope is that they just appreciate the sentiment, the words as you said. The products and money we spend is part of the hobby. Anyways, lovely post, thanks for the reminders.
Oh so true. We live in a hurting world and who knows the power of a little kindness, a kind word. A wise proverb says 'a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a bed of silver. ' very valuable! Thank you for the reminder to just be kind and encouraging. To some it comes easier than to others up we ALL have the ability
Sue, I always appreciate your posts you have away of presenting your thoughts that is always non-confrontational and kind and I'm not 'just say in' that ;) I mean it!
I am right there with everyone-the recipients may not appreciate what we crafters do, but we continue to do it because it is part of who we are. And Hallmark...well they do the right job for those who can't or won't make the time. But to receive a handmade card is just so wonderful. And in these days of so much sadness, that little bright spot coming in the mail, can change our sadness to joy, even if but for a moment. I too keep cards forever, and cherish the relationships from the senders.
Oh so true. We live in a hurting world and who knows the power of a little kindness, a kind word. A wise proverb says 'a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a bed of silver. ' very valuable! Thank you for the reminder to just be kind and encouraging. To some it comes easier than to others up we ALL have the ability
Sue, I always appreciate your posts you have away of presenting your thoughts that is always non-confrontational and kind and I'm not 'just say in' that ;) I mean it!
What a nice thing to say! My intent is to be kind, but sometimes I'm afraid I'm missing the mark... Thanks for "sayin'"... ;)
Great thread Sue!....I have always loved to send people cards, the bought kind, until I started making them for the past few years to send out. Sometimes I worry that my made cards are not as good as the ones I used to buy for people. But I get positive comments generally. I just love getting and giving cards, regardless if they are bought or made. I worry that others might think I would not be happy to get a bought card from them, but it sure makes my day, bought or made.
Love the song by Jewel: not sure of the name of the song, but the words "only kindness matters in the end" are in the song and those words stay in my mind now and is a good life motto to live by.
Shirl - that Jewel song is one of my all-time faves! Beautiful message, beautiful melody, beautiful voice...
I've had several more experiences with kind words (received) today, and it's amazing how much they impact my outlook. I'm sure that passing on kindness to others will be just as impactful. I'm setting an intent to do just that - even if only once a day! If everyone said something kind to just one person every day, do you think that we could change the world? It sure would be nice to swing over to that from the violence and heartbreak we hear more and more of lately...
That is a very common issue, Martha. Often we're in a situation where we don't know WHAT to say, so we say nothing. It's been my experience, though, that even if we begin awkwardly and don't say exactly the right thing, it at least opens a dialogue so that we can (hopefully) understand and be understood...
This is what happened to me years ago when I went back "home" to see my uncle that was dying of cancer. He wanted to see many of us that he hadn't seen in years.
I saw him and spent time with him but didn't say a whole lot. I listened to him talk about his life, mostly.
After I got home I realized that all the things I wanted to say never happened so I sat down and wrote him a 12 page letter saying everything that I didn't say in person. I'm glad that I said.
I need to "say" more frequently
What a beautiful thread! I live thousands of miles away from family and friends having immigrated and it is so easy to not reach out and 'say hello' or 'miss you' because you feel they 'know' that already.
In a world where we are quick to complain, or point out someones/somethings inefficiencies it takes more effort to say 'well done' 'thank you' 'good job' .
Our hobby allows us to reach out and show we care and the recipient may not acknowledge your card but you have spread a little bit of positivity and remember they may not know how to react to your 'gift'. My MIL falls into this camp, she comes across as unappreciative (& for somethings she is) but she has kept every card I have sent her!
What a beautiful thread! I live thousands of miles away from family and friends having immigrated and it is so easy to not reach out and 'say hello' or 'miss you' because you feel they 'know' that already.
In a world where we are quick to complain, or point out someones/somethings inefficiencies it takes more effort to say 'well done' 'thank you' 'good job' .
Our hobby allows us to reach out and show we care and the recipient may not acknowledge your card but you have spread a little bit of positivity and remember they may not know how to react to your 'gift'. My MIL falls into this camp, she comes across as unappreciative (& for somethings she is) but she has kept every card I have sent her!
"she comes across as unappreciative ... but she has kept every card I have sent her!"
I guess everyone has their own version of appreciative. We can't know exactly how someone feels, even if they try to explain, so unless we have proof to the contrary, maybe we can assume we did touch someone, even if they don't tell us. : )
I have a sentiment that says, "Until further notice, celebrate everything." Maybe that doesn't exactly relate, but for me it does.
And yes, Sue, your message is a timely reminder. How often do I think about someone, am concerned about them, but the thoughts and feelings don't make it out of my brain to my mouth or email.
It's kind of like when I watch a meaty tutorial for a technique, box, etc. I've focused so intently on it, that it feels as if I've actually done the work, so I don't do the work and make the box or try the technique.
Lovely post, Sue - as always, your thoughts are beautifully expressed! One of my goals today is to get some cards in the mail to friends and family that need a bit of cheer; best part of this hobby is sending my thoughts and care out to people in my life! Thanks for reminding us all to say!
__________________ Claudia Splitcoast Fan Club Member
Beth - your comments about feeling like you've already done the work are not too far off. I watched a documentary once where they were talking to one of the doctors working with Olympic athletes. They hooked the athletes up with biofeedback sensors, then had them run their event only in their mind. The same muscles fired in the same sequence and at the same time as if they had actually been running that event! Our minds are amazing things, aren't they? I'm guessing that's why we wake up exhausted after dreams of running from danger or other energy-depleting activities...
Everyone - thank you SO MUCH for contributing to this thread! I appreciate your comments and the layers of compassion and understanding that they add...
If you want to Talk, but don't know how to start....I found a great sentiment stamp from Funny Bones by Riley & Company. "LIFE IS SHORT. THERE IS NO TIME TO LEAVE IMPORTANT WORDS UNSAID."
I used this on the front of cards to my older sister and her husband for their Walk to Emmaus (a spiritual retreat). Friends and relatives are asked to send a letter saying what these people mean to you. We are a family who NEVER talk about anything personal (no one ever commented to me when my husband left me, at all!). So this stamp was a good 'starter,' to say real things to them.
Needless to say, I received no comments about the cards, in return!!
Thank you so much Sue, the topic really caught my eye. Recently things seem so chaotic, I think people need to have something positive to brighten up maybe just a few minutes of their days. My husband and I told our kids just today that we're taking a moratorium on the news for awhile.
I found 2 monkeys at the thrift store. They are from the set of Hear no Evil, See no Evil and Speak no Evil. They look similar but they're each a little different. I bought both of them and they are sitting on the ledge between my kitchen sink and family room. I see them all the time. One is for me, one is for my hubby. Would you believe they're both the Speak no Evil monkeys with their hands over their mouths?! None of the others were around!
I sent out 4 cards this morning to sick kids from Send Kids the World.com. No reason, just because. I wrote in each: This isn't a card, it's a hug with a fold in it. I don't have that stamp but that's okay. I printed it.
__________________ We can't all be stars but we can all twinkle.
Thanks, Kathy! I intended to do that earlier, but the video I found wasn't quite accurate, and I didn't have time to keep looking... Beautiful, isn't it?
Excellent words in this thread. Recently I was gifted by SCS Angels to help me start stamping again. THe first card I mailed out was to a SIL. I try hard to stay out of family drama. Well my husbands family has been NOT nice to her, gossiping un-true things and so on. I have been on that end of them so I feel for her.
I mailed her a card saying Hello
SHe called me and told me that card meant everything to her as she got it when she really needed it.
So many excellent words in this thread to live by to brighten someones day.
Thank you all for posting
How wonderful for you to have such a positive experience out of the gate as you re-enter the stamping world! Your post reminded me of a blog post by Alexandra Franzen: It All Matters. Yes, I've posted it here before - in January - but it applies, and many may not have seen the first go 'round...
Well said Sue. Be a little light. I am always surprised how many people are suprised when I say Hello, May I please have, thank you, have a nice day-just smiling works. Try cashiers. So many in the world ignore them.
If you have to put a reminder in to call people-do it. We schedule hair and nails-I know everybody thinks people are more important. I live in a Star Trek worthy time warp. I blink and a year is gone, despite a turtle being able to pass me on the sidewalk.
As my mother was in her last days, we updated her Caring Bridge page to let people know. She received some wonderful emails and cards that we were able to read to her. Of course we heard many kind words at her funeral, but it was wonderful to be able to share some with her that she could hear herself during that difficult time.
If my mom's cancer and death taught me anything it has been to stay in the moment-loving and appreciating all the times we have together and not to leave things unsaid.
So very true, Gail. And it seems that more and more it becomes impossible to know when it might be the last time we see someone on this side of the veil. My husband and I make it a point to ALWAYS have "I love you"s and kisses when we part. Not too much of a stretch to extend that to others we care about, is it...?
wavejumper - you're spot on in your thoughts about acknowledging cashiers and others that are often ignored. I try to make it a point to thank whoever is providing maintenance (i.e., cleaning the bathroom) at wherever I am for doing what they do, too - talk about a thankless job...
There's a commercial (I think for an insurance company) that shows one person doing something nice for someone, then that person doing something nice for someone else, and so on and so on. They're everyday niceties - holding a door, picking up something that was dropped, etc. - but it showed a "ripple effect" and is probably fairly accurate.
How wonderful for you to have such a positive experience out of the gate as you re-enter the stamping world! Your post reminded me of a blog post by Alexandra Franzen: It All Matters. Yes, I've posted it here before - in January - but it applies, and many may not have seen the first go 'round...
That was so moving! Thanks for posting this again. I had missed it before.
Beautiful words. I live by the motto "good thoughts, good words, good deeds" and try to always spread kindness so good will win in this world. Basically, change yourself so that you find yourself doing good deeds and speaking kind words and thinking positively of others instead of judging, hurting, or harming.
And I miss being there! I don't remember buying a ticket for the Crazy Train, but I've certainly been riding it for awhile now, lol! I keep hoping things will slow down a bit, but so far it's a false hope...
Great comments ... makes one think and we all need to show our appreciation more. I do understand it is hard for some people but then I remind myself..do you know anyone that would say...OH Boy, I just received another hand made dumb card....NOT! I try to not let the negative of no reaction or response get into my head. I agree, it is sometimes difficult. I make cards for individuals and think lots about what would make them smile; it is still a joy for me regardless of the lack of appreciation. Enjoyed this discussion, it is uplifting....thank you.
__________________ Have a creative day, every day.
I've enjoyed reading this happy thread! I did want to chime in with two thoughts that crossed my mind. I agree with speaking and/or smiling to other humans as you encounter them. Also, make eye contact as you speak or smile to assure them that you are speaking to them.
The other thought is concerning cards we send after we have thoughtfully and carefully made them for someone and they are not acknowledged. Do WE also acknowledge "store bought" cards that someone sends to us after they carefully selected and paid for just the right one to give us? It is the same situation; just a matter of store-bought or hand-made. The giving and caring emotion is the same for the sender either way. Yes, it is nice to be thanked for the remembrance, but often times it is not practical to do so in a timely manner in both cases. I intend to send far more cards than I do, but the person I was thinking of doesn't know that unless I actually act on my intention. It is great to know that so many of you do care and for others and act on your thoughts!
Gregzgurl, I'm on that same crazy train (also without a ticket), but I'm hoping it will make a stop at Normal Depot eventually. If nothing else, it is a very interesting and varied ride!
For those of you looking for the exact word, phrase or sentiment, look no further! Stampin'Up! has a new stamp set called Labeler Alphabet that allows you to spell out anything you want in two different fonts--one font has duplicates of common letters like a,e,i,l, etc. to make spelling easier. The font size would fit into a very small (1/4 inch, I am guessing) punch, so you could easily string the letters together. It also includes useful shapes and punctuation marks, and accent marks for foreign words (it IS an International Company). So the sky is the limit on what you want to write--I have used it for words I don't have in my stamp collection ("welcome" was one of them) and to write out poems and people's names. It is pictured on page 156 of the current SU! catalog and is priced at $17 for 101 photopolymer stamps. Please contact me if you would like to order one--you can shop 24/7 from my website.
Coincidentally, our primary veterinarian and I were talking about this quote two days ago - how celebrating everything includes the tough stuff. (We just got bad news from a referral specialist about one of our cats. But I must celebrate 15 years with him so far, and the joy and laughter and affection this quirky boy has given me, my sidekick.)
The Importance of SAYING
