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Originally Posted by not2shabbydesigns
I'm afraid I have to disagree with your response to this. My thoughts are, it doesn't matter how affluent your family is while growing up or not . . . . it's a matter of misplaced values and a failure to learn the valuable lessons in life. I grew up with very little and I learned to appreciate home made things and understand that they were made with love. To associate "love" and "value" with a dollar value is just simply wrong. Anyone with half a brain would stop to think about the love and care and time and cost and effort that went into the making of anything and they aught to be appreciative of those things. I would be over the moon happy if someone thought and cared enough about me to invest the time and money to make something from the heart.
To say that "oh, I grew up poor, and everyone around me was better off" is a complete cop out and one I don't buy.
I would have liked to be the fly on the wall when this all came out. I think it's unlikely that, in most cases, this sort of experience results in a positive outcome. For me the message would be "don't do that again!. Don't bother making anything special because it's going to go unappreciated again." Most people don't respond well when met with this sort of criticism and most people are so taken aback that they don't think to challenge it in the moment and given a few days to cool off, it gets laid to rest and is never resolved.
Anyways, to get back on topic, my fellow crafters fully appreciate the things I make. They understand what it takes to make something and the time and thought required. If I look outside that realm, very few people "get it". They have no concept of the cost of materials, tools, time and thought that goes into a project. I don't expect them to. They're not crafters. So, I deliberately pick and choose who I give my things to. Some people will get a handmade card, but most get a dollar store variety. It is what it is. I am happy and comfortable with that.
Sorry to have gone on a bit of a rant there.
You're right, being poor is no excuse for rudeness. We're all looking at this from different angles and different life experiences. The DIL didn't handle the situation well but it was not because she was unappreciative, it was because she felt hurt. Granted, someone else did give her points for probably being hormonal while pregnant and that may have contributed to the situation. Had the MIL not been so gracious, it could have gone really bad like you said.
I wasn't from an affluent family nor were we dirt poor growing up. But I lived in an area where both inner city kids and very wealthy kids went to school, plus every income level in between. Kids can be mean and cruel. A prime example (and this is dating me) is the Molly Ringwald movie "Pretty in Pink". That's the way it is in real life and people can be cruel. I'm giving the DIL the benefit of the doubt because we really don't know from that posting what her life was like growing up. Here's another example from my life. My grandmother made my prom dress because she was an excellent seamstress and wanted to do that for me. I loved my dress and it was special because it was done with love for me and I appreciated it. We spent hours together picking out fabric, patterns, and doing fittings. It was real quality bonding time. One of my schoolmates felt sorry for me because she perceived that my family couldn't afford to buy me a "real dress" from a bridal store like the rest of the kids. She thought I missed out on those special moments with my mom by not going to the stores together to shop and pick out that special dress, and shoes, accessories, etc. And to date me even more, I keep thinking of Laura Ingles and Nellie Olson LOL!
I think it is very different when things are handmade out of necessity because you have to make do as opposed to being handmade out of love because you want to make something. In short, we don't know what this person may have had to do without while growing up and what she may have gone through. Back to TV and movies again, look at that football player in the movie "The Blindside". That kid hadn't even had his own bed let alone his own bedroom growing up until his adoptive family provided him with one. That's the kind of poverty and misfortune I'm talking about. I'm focusing in her possibly being hurt as opposed to her rudeness. I'm just glad they all found out where the other was coming from and moved forward.
__________________ Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
Growing up, my parents didn't have alot of money. I never knew that. We had plenty of food, clothes, etc. My mother made alot of my skirts and they were fine. Nobody in my neighborhood made fun of anyone else because nobody was rolling in dough. I lived in Brooklyn NY on a very long block and that block was like one big huge family. I can't ever remember feeling like we had less than anyone else and I had a great childhood. At Christmas time, we got nice gifts, but not many. I always got the popular doll of the season for Christmas and to me.......that was all I wanted or needed. Now lets talk about the kids of today. Mostly, they are spoiled brats who have way too much and appreciate nothing. Reality check time for them comes when they're earning their own money and find out they can't have the best. There are also those who use their charge cards if they can get credit and get into debt because they want what they want and mommy and daddy aren't buying it for them anymore. Ever notice the cars some of the high school kids drive? You know dam# well they didn't buy it for themselves. And WHY would an 8 year old kid need a cell phone, every new game system that comes out etc.? Do we want better for our kids than we had? Sure. But I believe there has to be a limit. They need to be taught the value of things and sadly that isn't always the case. It's a very different world from the one I grew up in, not necessarily better. I'm sure there are parents out there who are still raising their kids to understand you don't get everything in life that you want and money doesn't grow on trees. My guess is those kids would appreciate hand made items more readily than the kids who get everything. Just a little sidenote.....my inlaws were very into labels and buying things at the better stores. To them, the label meant better quality and spending more money on something meant it was better. Every Christmas when my mother in law and sister in law opened the gifts we gave them for Christmas, they would first check the labels. Then I would be asked where I bought it. I didn't shop at the high end stores but I always bought nice clothes and never gave a gift I wouldn't be happy to receive myself. So after years of this going on, one year I cut the label out of everything I bought them and when they went to look at the labels, there were none. They got the point. I'm approaching old fart status (not however going out without a fight) so maybe my values are old fashioned to some. I just think the way you were raised and the values instilled in you by your family last a lifetime. Manners, respect for others, and common courtesy should still be important and if somebody gives you a gift, whether you like it or not, a smile and thank you so much or thank you for making this for me is in order.
everybody is different - my mom is like: I guess you lots of spare time and nothing better to do if you have time to play with paper and markers....
But if I don't send her a card, she'll complain even more ;)
On the other hand I have a friend who is a busy working mother and she just LOVES my cards - I always give her an assortment for various occasions and she's always very appreciative! She'll tell everybody they are hand crafted and if I forget to sign them on the back, she'll do it for me ;)
I come from a borderline hoarder household, so I have a very different take on "stuff".
If I give someone a gift, and that includes my cards, it's up to the recipient to decide what to do with it. I don't expect my cards to be kept forever. They are ephemeral. If someone wants to hold on to my cards, great. I refuse to get upset if I find them in the recycling bin (but I would get upset if they were in the trash).
I still struggle with stuff, and it took me a while to allow myself to dispose of gifts that I didn't need or want. Handmade gifts are tough. I have a beautiful crochet blanket that's couch-size, that was made to cover up my old awful couch. I got rid of the couch and have no use for the blanket, but I don't know what to do with it. So it's in a plastic bin in my closet. Stuffing it in the closet it not honoring the person who made the blanket, but I haven't yet allowed myself the freedom to find the blanket a new home.
I've never had a negative reaction to my cards, but I think I'd just make a mental note to give that person store-bought cards in the future (or, nothing at all if the reaction was truly negative).
__________________ aka Sue. Or Sue-odd.
No blog for me. My gallery chronicles my card-making successes and mishaps.
Hi.
Just wanting to know is anyone has the same experience.
I always give my mum, mother-in-law, grandmother and grandmother a range of cards for them to use as gifts for Christmas, birthdays etc.
I gave the 2 grandmothers a bundle of cards for mother's day on Sunday. They were an assortment of birthday cards that they could use.They didn't even look at each of them.
My mother-in-law is away at the moment, so I gave my father-in-law a homemade card and some gift tags to give to her while they are away. She thanked me for the cards, but made no comment about them.
I gave my mum a handmade box with gift cards in it at Christmas and she didn't even open it.
Does anyone have the same experience?
It doesn't take much for someone to say that the cards are nice!
I have been stamping for a number of years, so I am sure that it isn't the
quality of the cards that is the issue!
I've been making handmade gifts since I was little...some people appreciate it and some don't. If they don't, I just don't give them anything handmade again! One of the things I LOVE about SCS is that we can all share our work with each other, encourage each other, and we all know the amount of work that was put into it! I think that's awesome and it's been a huge blessing for me!!!
Kathy
__________________ Let your light so shine before men...glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matt. 5:16 My blogMyGallery
I come from a borderline hoarder household, so I have a very different take on "stuff".
If I give someone a gift, and that includes my cards, it's up to the recipient to decide what to do with it. I don't expect my cards to be kept forever. They are ephemeral. If someone wants to hold on to my cards, great. I refuse to get upset if I find them in the recycling bin (but I would get upset if they were in the trash).
I still struggle with stuff, and it took me a while to allow myself to dispose of gifts that I didn't need or want. Handmade gifts are tough. I have a beautiful crochet blanket that's couch-size, that was made to cover up my old awful couch. I got rid of the couch and have no use for the blanket, but I don't know what to do with it. So it's in a plastic bin in my closet. Stuffing it in the closet it not honoring the person who made the blanket, but I haven't yet allowed myself the freedom to find the blanket a new home.
I've never had a negative reaction to my cards, but I think I'd just make a mental note to give that person store-bought cards in the future (or, nothing at all if the reaction was truly negative).
Blankets are good for cuddling up on the couch to watch tv or read a book. Especially during winter time when the heat is set low:p
__________________ The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. Practice safe eating always use condiments
Blankets are good for cuddling up on the couch to watch tv or read a book. Especially during winter time when the heat is set low:p
Yes, but this blanket is huge! Way too big for use as a blanket on a couch. It's too big to be used as a bedspread on my king size bed, if that gives you an idea.
Not to derail the thread, but what do I do with a blanket the size of a small kingdom?
__________________ aka Sue. Or Sue-odd.
No blog for me. My gallery chronicles my card-making successes and mishaps.
Yes, but this blanket is huge! Way too big for use as a blanket on a couch. It's too big to be used as a bedspread on my king size bed, if that gives you an idea.
Not to derail the thread, but what do I do with a blanket the size of a small kingdom?
Depending how old your kids are, they can use it for a "tent". trust me they will be quite for hours playing in it. And as a treat, give them a "picnic lunch" or some popcorn. they will think you are the best mom in the whole world!:p
Or just donate it. I am sure someone can use it.
__________________ The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. Practice safe eating always use condiments
Well, it's been my experience that the only ones who appreciate the handmades are the friends that handmake cards and gifts as well. I made little baskets from a Hot Off the Press template, the berry basket one, for Easter to give to friends, and some friends of the kids. My friend that I invited to Easter Dinner, who by the way brought nothing at all, and complaied that I didint 'have a chocolate bunny for her, recieved one from me, with a chocolate bunny and some other candy in as well, and had the nerve to tease me in front of all about how I gave her a dollar store gift for Easter. She knows I make things, and could she not tell that I made the little basket? I gave my son's teacher a cute little note holder that had a birdhouse that used a Sweet Treat container from Stampin up, and I filled with paperclips, and added the package of sticky notes and a pen. I also made her something, else, I can't recall right now. My son was very upset he did not get a thank u from her at all, and neither did I. I know teachers are busy, but most of my kids teachers immediatley wrote a thank u note and put in their bookbags. That makes a kid feel good. My mother is another one who never acknowleges a hand made card either,sister does not either. Sooooo.....I have a list of who I give and who I go to the dollar store and buy 2/$1.00 cards for..and at times I get generic ones in a box that are blank and i write Happy Birthday....I don't care what they think of that
I asked a friend was it boring to give her a gift of my cards yet again this year - it must be at least the third and I think the fourth year. She said no, not boring at all, yes please. And when my birthday came around she apologised for not sending a card but said all her best cards were the ones I give her, and while I counted as the special people she kept them for, she'd feel funny sending me one of my own .
I was utterly amazed when my half-sister told me she keeps all the cards I send her, and just last week we were returning a borrowed car to friends and I counted 6 of my cards on display between the kitchen and sitting room. Neither they nor my half-sister do anything crafty themselves, but it seems they certainly still appreciate getting the cards.
I know with my in-laws I was afraid for years to give them handmade gifts, but when I finally went for it I discovered that they too really appreciated them.
I've often thought about this too! I've finally come to differentiate who appreciates the cards and who doesn't and I send them accordingly. Crafting is my therapy, so even if I had no one to give the cards and pages to I would still do it anyway! It's so worth it when someone does appreciate your work though.
One of the best cards I made was for a little girl who just had a baby brother. I took a gift for him and also something for her. It was so cute and I had so much fun making it and mommy, little girl and baby were on the floor as she opened it. She RIPPED it apart!! I said, "before you tear it, show it to mommy." The mom said, "Oh, that's ok. I don't need to see it!" Guess who doesn't get my cards anymore?
But more people then not are very complimentary about cards. My DIL, who is quite quiet about stuff sent me a card from a collection that I had made for her. It was so sweet because in it she wrote something to the effect, "Jill, I wanted to get you a really special card but nothing I looked at was as nice as the cards you make! And I figured that you probably never get cards as awesome as your own, so here's one for you!" That made my day, week, month, year!
When I went to clean out my mom's house when she was no longer able to live on her own, I found a table in her room completely covered with all the cards I have ever made her. She displayed them all so beautifully. Now, she has dementia pretty bad and I still make her beautiful cards even though she barely looks at them. I know, somewhere in her poor mind she must be happy with them.
I've often thought about this too! I've finally come to differentiate who appreciates the cards and who doesn't and I send them accordingly. Crafting is my therapy, so even if I had no one to give the cards and pages to I would still do it anyway! It's so worth it when someone does appreciate your work though.
yes, i think that is the key.
true story - i get the su owl punch. i am so excited. i just love it. i'm making owls like crazy. winter birthday (won't name names) comes up. i make what i thought was the cutest card with a penguin (made from the owl punch). i call on birthday and ask, did you like the little penguin? person says, oh let me go look at it. (what????) that hurt. come back to phone and say - yeah that's cute.
fast forward to holiday. i send a store bought card for 1.50. few days later i get an email thanking me for the beautiful card.:(
Yes, but this blanket is huge! Way too big for use as a blanket on a couch. It's too big to be used as a bedspread on my king size bed, if that gives you an idea.
Not to derail the thread, but what do I do with a blanket the size of a small kingdom?
Declutter the blanket. That is mental/emotional clutter in your home. I love homemade blankets and snag them up at the thrift stores. If you donate the blanket I bet it will find a new loving home.
My friends love my cards and homemade items. I don't expect them to keep everything I give them. I hate clutter. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I mean really hate it! ;) I always make my cards so they can be reused again or my friends can just trash it. I don't care. If it made you smile that's what counts.
I ALWAYS get very complimentary responses from the people I give my cards and scrapbooks to ------ HOWEVER ------
Because I have so many hobbies, my papercrafting seems to fall into the category of ....... shall we say ....... trifling by some family members standards.
Playing piano and guitar = legit and encouraged endeavor. Makes everybody feel happy, and they enjoy asking for their favorites.
Sewing and quilting = legit and encouraged endeavor. Quilts turn in family heirlooms, and curtains and slip covers are a necessity of life.
Crocheting and knitting = legit and encouraged endeavor. Cuddly afghans and and snuggly scarves are necessary for long cold winters.
Reading Tarot cards = not only encouraged, but clamored for. Who doesn't love finding out about themselves, and being the center of attention during a reading?
Papercrafting = "Really cute Mom, but don't you feel sort of silly just playing with paper and scissors at your age? " Their rational is that it's only paper. It be kept, or it may be thrown away. And the beauty of the card isn't so much the design, as what is written on the inside - and that could be done on a Hallmark card with alot less effort.
__________________ A good dog, a sewing machine, and an old guitar......
yes, i think that is the key.
true story - i get the su owl punch. i am so excited. i just love it. i'm making owls like crazy. winter birthday (won't name names) comes up. i make what i thought was the cutest card with a penguin (made from the owl punch). i call on birthday and ask, did you like the little penguin? person says, oh let me go look at it. (what????) that hurt. come back to phone and say - yeah that's cute.
fast forward to holiday. i send a store bought card for 1.50. few days later i get an email thanking me for the beautiful card.:(
One of the best cards I made was for a little girl who just had a baby brother. I took a gift for him and also something for her. It was so cute and I had so much fun making it and mommy, little girl and baby were on the floor as she opened it. She RIPPED it apart!! I said, "before you tear it, show it to mommy." The mom said, "Oh, that's ok. I don't need to see it!" Guess who doesn't get my cards anymore?
But more people then not are very complimentary about cards. My DIL, who is quite quiet about stuff sent me a card from a collection that I had made for her. It was so sweet because in it she wrote something to the effect, "Jill, I wanted to get you a really special card but nothing I looked at was as nice as the cards you make! And I figured that you probably never get cards as awesome as your own, so here's one for you!" That made my day, week, month, year!
When I went to clean out my mom's house when she was no longer able to live on her own, I found a table in her room completely covered with all the cards I have ever made her. She displayed them all so beautifully. Now, she has dementia pretty bad and I still make her beautiful cards even though she barely looks at them. I know, somewhere in her poor mind she must be happy with them.
I think your DIL is a keeper! That is the sweetest gesture I've ever heard. She's right! What nicer card than to receive your own!
Scrap & Stamp this month had a letter in this last month's issue on this very topic. A woman and her granddaughter made Christmas cards together and a relative offered to send them a check so they could buy proper Christmas cards. It originally appeared in Dear Abby's column. It was really sad.
I come from a borderline hoarder household, so I have a very different take on "stuff".
If I give someone a gift, and that includes my cards, it's up to the recipient to decide what to do with it. I don't expect my cards to be kept forever. They are ephemeral. If someone wants to hold on to my cards, great. I refuse to get upset if I find them in the recycling bin (but I would get upset if they were in the trash).
I still struggle with stuff, and it took me a while to allow myself to dispose of gifts that I didn't need or want. Handmade gifts are tough. I have a beautiful crochet blanket that's couch-size, that was made to cover up my old awful couch. I got rid of the couch and have no use for the blanket, but I don't know what to do with it. So it's in a plastic bin in my closet. Stuffing it in the closet it not honoring the person who made the blanket, but I haven't yet allowed myself the freedom to find the blanket a new home.
I've never had a negative reaction to my cards, but I think I'd just make a mental note to give that person store-bought cards in the future (or, nothing at all if the reaction was truly negative).
I just wanted to share with you that I have a huge fleece blanket (four people could fit under it easily and tuck it around) that I bought at a garage sale a few years ago - it is our "football games" blanket and general linking the back of my minivan if I'm moving stuff around. I know crochet would be lumpier but someone may be wanting something similar. Also if it is that huge someone might just want to cut it down, bind it and be able to making matching pillow shams etc. depending on the pattern.
I agree with other posters who said cards are ephemera, and they don't mind if people don't keep their cards forever. One of the reasons I love to make cards and other handmade gifts more than scrapbooks for myself is that my supplies leave my house. Out they all go! Once a friend felt so guilty about getting rid of my cards she asked me if it was okay to dispose of those I'd sent her years before. Right then and there I started telling everyone I sent cards to that they didn't have to save them. One cousin has a scrapbook with page protectors that she keeps all my cards in, and I'm very flattered. But I wouldn't be hurt if she dumped them, as long as she enjoyed receiving them. I believe what we give freely comes back to us in one form or another. But what we cling to we lose. So I like to send cards out with little thought of what happens to them. That said, I am hurt if someone never acknowledges receiving any of them, and that has happened a couple of times. I just stop sending cards to that person and keep the others flying out my door!
my craft is surely unappreciated by my spouse ( he finds it unproductive when you can just go buy it and it's sometimes cheaper then making it for but i find this very impersonal). but i love re proposing items that would have otherwise gone to the landfill my crafting makes me happy to be able to create something original from ordinary things. other people seem to love what i create and have had several requests for items. i just have found that there isn't enough time to do what i enjoy lately. Oh well that happens, One year i might actually get done all the things i set out to do :rolleyes: until then i'll just carry on crafting when i get a small chance to do so. as for my spouse i just don't give him my crafting projects and he's okay with that.
Last edited by craftthedayaway; 05-17-2011 at 07:26 AM..
CBET I agree - My mom acts the same way with my cards. In fact us girls at our monthly Stamp n Chat, I asked my mom if she could use some notecards. She jumped on the idea! In fact my sister is a SU demonstrator and I just buy and buy, our birthdays are a few days apart. Our parents found construction paper, markers and some of our old stencils and made our birthday cards!! They even made their own "stamp" on the back!! We loved them! Another sister who is not creativity at all she says, will take a store bought card and put stickers on them!! What a great family we have!! Love them!!
I agree with the "recycling" of cards after awhile, but where you draw the line is where in my case as I said above my sister threw the card in the rubbish bin in my presence stating she "didn't keep rubbish" I think that is just being nasty. I admit there are some underlying problems going on here, but its the outright hurtfulness or even tactlessness of some people that is sad, and there seems to be a bit of it about given what has been written above. But it hasn't stopped me, in my case my sister just misses out and the time and engery goes else where... life is just too short.
I agree with the "recycling" of cards after awhile, but where you draw the line is where in my case as I said above my sister threw the card in the rubbish bin in my presence stating she "didn't keep rubbish" I think that is just being nasty. I admit there are some underlying problems going on here, but its the outright hurtfulness or even tactlessness of some people that is sad, and there seems to be a bit of it about given what has been written above. But it hasn't stopped me, in my case my sister just misses out and the time and engery goes else where... life is just too short.
Well done. And I agree - even if she didn't keep your cards to have it noticeably in the bin in your presence speak of her issues not your talent. Keep up your good work.
TBH I don't know if my family keep my cards or not and I kinda like it that way because I like creating for them and I don't want that to be changed by knowing.
(Sorry this is so long, but things like this really tick me off.)
Wow. There are certainly some rude people out there, huh?
Regarding the sister who threw the card away and called it "rubbish": I would have had a few choice words for her, and that would be the last card - period -that she ever received from me.
About that daughter-in-law: How rude and disrespectful was that?! I don't care how you interpret a hand-made gift. It's a gift, and you show courtesy and respect. If she felt that way, she should have spoken to her husband later on, and he could have explained it to her. Why do people make excuses for rudeness?
As for children's cards: Unless I know that the parents will "protect" the card, I don't get too carried away with kids' cards. I don't use expensive materials, and I don't put a great deal of work into them. I make them cute and nice, but I don't go overboard.
I disagree with the idea that only other crafters/stampers can appreciate hand-made cards and gifts. I have relatives, friends, and "associates" who aren't crafters, yet they often make a big fuss over the cards, scrapbooks, and other hand-made gifts I make them.
I do, however, have family members that don't even acknowledge a birthday card or sympathy card, let alone say thank you for a gift. Case in point: My brother-in-law got married in 2007. I made his bride-to-be a scrapbook for her bridal shower, which I wasn't able to attend. I've received not even a verbal thank-you to this day. My husband was the Best Man, and he pretty much saved the day several times because of stupidity and ingnorance on the couple's part. Our daughter was the Flower Girl. I helped the bride with her pictures, because the photographer was inexperienced. To this day, we are the only ones who haven't received a thank-you. We've even mentioned it to them several times, in a casual way. Each time we've mentioned it, they've acted shocked and said that they thought they'd sent one. But they still haven't sent one. And they have never even thanked us in person for all we did. His wife is a very sweet young woman too, so I don't get it.
One year, I made my mother-in-law a beaded crystal rosary for Christmas. Her brother gave her a painting he bought at a discount store. Guess which present she passed around all day.
Anyway, this is the way I handle people who are rude and/or unappreciative. If it's obvious that they don't appreciate my efforts, I simply don't make the effort anymore. They get store-bought gifts and cards. Like a previous poster said, I don't expect the recipients of my cards and gifts to fall all over me or swoon with light-headed giddiness. A simple thank-you would suffice. Courtesy, respect, and gratefulness aren't much to ask; yet, unfortunately, nowadays they are all but non-existent when it comes to some folks.
Appreciation for Your Craft
